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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to mention BO?

56 replies

Queenoftheduvan · 15/02/2022 18:53

Ok,I need help to not come across as a massive bitch….
Have you ever had to tell someone they had BO? How do you do it without causing upset???
It’s someone who I manage,so I feel like I have a duty to say something.
No other colleagues have mentioned it to me but it is clearly a strong smell and I can’t bear the thought of other people talking about her behind her back.
Person lives at home with access to showers and has more than one uniform to wash between shifts…I’m so uncomfortable so don’t want my discomfort to come across as rudeness

OP posts:
Pumpfive · 15/02/2022 20:46

Some people just can't help it! I'm a naturally warm person, I get a red face really easily and I sweat fast. I change my clothes every day, shower every morning and most days I don't smell but sometimes I get BO and there's not a lot I can do whilst at work! I use deodorant to 'freshen up' but ultimately if i smell there's not much I can do til I get home. I do try though! I use driclor occasionally which keeps it at bay and obviously I use deodorant every morning. Soap under the pits before using shower gel. I'd say 95% of the time I don't smell bit every now and again I just get really sweaty!

thecatneuterer · 15/02/2022 20:49

I had to tell my boss. Everyone else was too scared to do it. I asked for a private meeting and just said it straight and please could he do something about it as it was unpleasant for everyone else in the office. Surprisingly he took it well and made more of an effort to wash his clothes (although he kept slipping and I'd have to remind him every so often).

I don't think there is an easy way, but I think you need to be direct and matter of a fact, rather than appear embarrassed, as that will probably cause more embarrassment.

thecatneuterer · 15/02/2022 20:50

@Ermengarde

Definitely kindest to have the conversation at the end of the working day, ideally just before the weekend.
Good point.
ZippyZap · 15/02/2022 20:53

I'd start off being a bit indirect for a few days, see if anything changes.
Say something like 'ah gosh, I don't think my deodrant is working well at the moment, can you cover for me while I go and spray some deodrant... No matter what I do at the moment I end up smelling by lunchtime'... See if that leads to a conversation where you can offer tips.
Say you'd read about soap, cotton tops, eating less of garlic and onions etc. Trying different anti perspirants as some work better than others etc. Although sometimes it's just down to hormones and stress levels.
Then after a few weeks perhaps have a sensitive word and suggest maybe the smell was colleague and can they try some of the above as you don't want others to be mean.

I have to say though the 'personal hygiene' message is a bit of a funny one as I've been through stages in life where I'd wash 3 times a day and within 2 hours the smell would be back and I just couldn't control it till it vanished one day. Once it was such a strong smell of onions after I had a baby that the mil apologised for her stinking of onions when she went to hug me as she'd been cooking them earlier 😬 but I'd washed just before she arrived... So think it was hormonal!

winterchills · 15/02/2022 20:56

I agree about having to get straight to the point. I wouldn't want to have those conversations

Sazzlepop22 · 15/02/2022 20:57

Just another variable to consider. Does the person in question know that a hot wash is required now and again to kill bacteria? An old flat mate of mine was being eco friendly using cooler wash temps as per the packet instructions. Supermarket uniform (ie cheap fabric) smelt fresh straight out the wash but got smelly very quickly.
Also, is there a minimum wash temp for your place of work? For example my nhs uniform had to be washed at 60 degrees.
Could you offer new uniforms as a way to begin the conversation and have a fresh start? No pun intended.

balalake · 15/02/2022 20:58

The only kindness I can think of is to do it where no-one else can hear, and not mention it to others.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/02/2022 21:04

I've had to do it.

"I wanted to have a word directly, but I have noticed that you seem to have a problem with body odour. I think it's important you know from.me in case anyone else mentions it. There are some practical things you can do: daily washing, natural fibre, a good anti-perspirant and clean clothes daily. If that doesn't work, there are some health conditions that cause it and your gp may be able to help or I could arrange and apt to Occupational Health.

I am sorry I have had to discuss this with you. If there are difficulties you are facing that orevent regular hygiene, please do let me know and I can see if there's anything thenorganisation can do to support you. I know this must be concerning and upsetting - there is an EAP scheme available at www.etc.

Bloody hard - poor person.

Pippy2022 · 15/02/2022 21:07

Please be sensitive about it and understand that sometimes people do all they can and it's still not enough to be perfect. Dropping audible hints would be frankly cringe worthy.

JustMsInvisible · 15/02/2022 21:15

I’ve said… I’m so hot (then smelt my pits) then say haha just checking I don’t smell, thank god I remembered my deodorant

In the hope the person with BO takes the hint

roastedsaltedpeanut · 15/02/2022 21:20

Even the title made me cringe.
There is absolutely no socially acceptable way of telling someone. I told my ex friend discreetly when we were teenagers and she hated me ever since. I couldn’t possibly be any more gentle and understanding but it must have felt as such a intrusive probe and the inevitable humiliation must have been devastating. I swore never to do it to anyone ever again.

Isn’t it a bacterial issue as opposed to dirt/grease? As in all the contaminated clothes need to be disposed of and the “patient” needs some sort of antibacterial treatment? Not too sure how it’s done but deepest sympathies for anyone who suffers from it.

Letsbekindplease · 15/02/2022 21:21

I would say it as a group chat rather than to that one person. That would make me feel so upset. I used to get bad BO as a teenager even though I showered and had clean clothes. Must have been my hormones or something because I hardly even sweat now.
Anyway, I remember someone said something to me in a nice way but it has stuck with me nearly 20 years later.
Maybe an indirect group work chat with other them.

WonderfulYou · 15/02/2022 21:30

I agree with Letsbekindplease

I know many posters are saying to just get to the point and being indirect is unprofessional etc but I completely disagree and would do anything you can first before having that direct conversation.

Noisyneighneigh · 15/02/2022 21:31

I don't agree with the cop out approach of telling everyone if it's a large team. People who are perfectly clean and odour free might worry it's them. There's also a chance the malodorous colleague might be completely oblivious. They person must be told directly.

Blanketpolicy · 15/02/2022 21:43

@BoodleBug51

Please just be honest.

I've had to do this, and went straight in saying "believe me when I say that I don't want to say this out loud any more than you want to hear it, but there's an issue regarding your personal hygiene that can't be ignored. It's only been recent but we really need to address it"

They genuinely didn't realise that they smelled so bad after moving to a "natural" deodorant and were really embarrassed but they did say thank you afterwards for just being honest about it.

If it was me I'd prefer this approach, no beating about the bush, tell them quickly and if they want to talk great, if they are embarrassed let them accept what had been said and end the meeting.

I wouldnt start suggesting they washing daily, deodourants or washing clothes, it is patronising, embarrassing and crossing a line as a manager , adults can work all that out for themselves. If they say they struggle you can suggest Occ Health for confidential support.

BatmanOrRobin · 15/02/2022 21:56

Also not sure if it's been said but is the central heating always up full whack? I'm a really hot person (not sexy hot unfortunately Grin ) I can be freshly out the shower, wear deodorant and clean clothes. Hot stuff room for too long and I smell. I can't cope with the fake Heat.

SallyWD · 15/02/2022 22:26

The problem is that often there's nothing the person can do about it!! In my teens and 20s (and even my 30s) I had terrible BO. I was very aware of it myself and believe me i tried everything. I showered every day, wore clean, fresh clothes each day and tried every deodorant going. I still smelt so sweaty! I'd even go in to bathroom at work several times throughout the day and wash my armpits with wipes and reapply deodorant. It never worked as the sweat had already soaked in to my clothes. I would have been absolutely mortified if my boss had mentioned it. I think I might have left my job in shame. People always think you just need to shower more or west deodorant but that doesn't always solve the problem.

OnwardsAndSideways1 · 15/02/2022 22:40

If they wear a nylon uniform and it's hot where you work, this may be the uniform washing issue and not their hygiene. Not sure how to approach it but cheap nylon uniforms beloved of so many companies are the worst for causing BO in people, often who are working long or physical shifts. Just something to mention rather than just their personal hygiene.

Buzzinwithbez · 15/02/2022 23:12

I wouldn't talk about personal hygiene. That makes it sound like you think they're a dirty person. It could be that they're showering daily and putting fresh clothes on but something is still going wrong.
I would also mention what the odour is. If it's a sweaty smell say that. As direct as possible so they stand a chance of fixing it.

We had a guy who used to smell but was always squeeky clean with well ironed clothes. I can only assume that the smell was ingrained in his shirts and he started out smelling fine, but the smell was released with body heat.

One thing that I found helpful when pregnant, which was a particularly sweaty time was wearing a cotton vest with sleeves under whatever I was wearing, so that I could change that through the day if necessary without noticeably having changed my clothes..

BashfulClam · 15/02/2022 23:35

I would prefer to be told in a direct manner. I remember there was a stinky guy at our work and they did the group chat reminder thing. He was front abs cehted saying ‘that’s disgusting, why don’t people just wash?’ We were all gearing bc at him thinking ‘it’s bloody well you!’

Flickflak · 16/02/2022 00:13

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

DropYourSword · 16/02/2022 00:16

@BoodleBug51

Please just be honest.

I've had to do this, and went straight in saying "believe me when I say that I don't want to say this out loud any more than you want to hear it, but there's an issue regarding your personal hygiene that can't be ignored. It's only been recent but we really need to address it"

They genuinely didn't realise that they smelled so bad after moving to a "natural" deodorant and were really embarrassed but they did say thank you afterwards for just being honest about it.

I think this is really good advice! Honest and direct but not rude. It's so much worse to gently beat about the bush.
saltinesandcoffeecups · 16/02/2022 00:34

Do it at the end of the work day. You don’t want them having to work a full day after the chat. Then I’d go with something like this.

“Bob/Barbara I have noticed that you regularly have a strong body odor. I understand that work can get physical here and that sometimes our deodorant can fail, however this is a persistent problem. I can suggest a few things that may help, such as more frequent clothes washing, keeping deodorant here at work to reapply, and alternating shoes or using a deodorizer, or changing during the middle of your shift. I’m also willing to help if there is something I can do* or if there is a medical problem that may be contributing to the odor problem. I don’t want to embarrass you, but want you to be aware of this issue”

Then let them talk or leave.

  • If this is true ** Maybe they are rewearing uniforms and can’t was enough, could you provide more if this is the problem? Otherwise suggest a t-shirt under the uniform shirt.
buddylicious · 16/02/2022 00:51

@curiousturtle17

I can tell you how not to do it! I worked in a bar and we would have a team briefing at the start of shifts with 30-40 staff. Our bar manager told us she had complaints about someones hygiene and didn't want to have to single that person out so advised us all to make sure we were keeping our uniforms clean and washing properly.

Cue everyone being intensely paranoid it was them, trying to figure out who it is and why complained!

I actually don't think that's a bad way of doing it.

inolongersmell · 16/02/2022 01:00

I've obviously name changed for this.

When I was about 18 and worked in an office, my manager actually asked me if I used a deodorant as I had BO. She asked me if I needed any help in finding a stronger deodorant!

I was mortified, but deep down I was also very grateful as I wasn't aware.

As a teenager my mum had never spoken to me about the importance of a good deodorant etc.

Since that day I have always used the best deodorant and am now (hopefully) super fresh!!!!