Are all driving instructors like this?

[LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit]

My driving instructor has a very negative attitude towards me. Whenever I make a mistake, she berates me, raises her voice and says things like "where's your brain?" She's never quiet for even a moment - even when nothing is happening she will constantly repeat things like "look near, look far, check mirrors, check signs", etc. She has told me that she doesn't give positive feedback, because if she says nothing, that means I'm doing it right. She also makes me second-guess myself, for example, sometimes after I've done something she will ask "was that the right thing to do?/the right time to go?" and when I ask if I did something wrong she says no! Why question my judgement when it's correct?

All this is making me really nervous and I turn into a bundle of nerves, which leads me to make more mistakes. However, almost everyone I speak to says they had the same experience. Are all driving instructors like this? Is it because I'm 35+ and not used to being treated like a naughty teenager? Surely there must be driving instructors who treat their learners with respect and kindness?

Yeah I would look for someone else. Life's too short to be feeling like that. Find someone nice who makes u feel good and confident.

She sounds awful and she's in the wrong job. Change.

No when I learned to drive many years ago the driving instructor was lovely, and the local instructors that I know of including my son's seem to be incredibly patient with their clients.

They need to give you confidence to drive well!

Try and get another instructor!

I had a driving instructor that made me feel really nervous and I cried before my lessons, I even cried during a lesson! I changed instructors and passed on my 2nd test! Life is too short for having a shit driving instructor.

No I don't think that's usual or helpful. Change instructor. When I changed instructor my driving improved almost instantly. It's not that the first was as bad as yours, it was more that with the second I could relax and just... drive.

The only times the first gave positive feedback were my answer to his question "how much is it safe to drink before driving?" (none) and a particularly good emergency stop I did which was as much to do with the road surface and temperatures as technique.

Has anyone seen the film Happy Go Lucky with Sally Hawkins in?
If not, I highly recommend it.
www.imdb.com/title/tt1045670/
(this is slightly relevant as Eddie Marsan is a grumpy driving instructor)

No, she should be trying to raise your confidence, not lower it. Also needs to be clear and consistent with instructions and feedback, not having you second guessing yourself and misunderstanding her.
Try to find another instructor.

Find a new instructor! she sounds horrible.

Nah, I couldn't learn like that. I liked my driving instructor a lot but on the morning of my test, he was hungover when he picked me up for the pre-test lesson. He kept snapping at me and making shitty comments like you describe - it was humiliating and belittling. And that's before I tell you that he directed the lesson to a burger van in the local industrial estate and we ate bacon rolls over the bonnet of his car. Admittedly that perked him up

Back to my point - I would find another instructor. Driving is a big responsibility and it feels very scary and unnatural as it is, you need someone who will boost your confidence.

FFS I wouldn't train a dog using the 'techniques' she's using on you OP.
Sack her off for rudeness & a lack of understanding of how teaching works.

FInd a different one. My first instructor was not rude, but it was only when I learned with someone else that I realised that he was not a very good instructor (for me, at any rate).

www.gov.uk/complain-about-a-driving-instructor

No, they are not all like this and she sounds awful.

I learnt late too (36) and my DI was a previously retired chap in his late 60s who couldn’t have been more patient and lovely.

Find someone better.

Agree with PPs, find a new one. My first instructor would really focus on errors and make me repeat whatever it was over and over. It just made a big thing out of it and really got in my head. My second instructor was wonderful. If I made an error we acknowledged it and just got on with the rest of the lesson. Find someone who builds your confidence behind the wheel, they are out there. Good luck, it's tough learning to drive.

Oh no. Find someone else. This is horrible. You will never learn in this environment.

Thanks everyone! I'm going to send her a message saying that I won't be continuing. I wish there was some way of knowing someone's teaching style before you sign up with them! It's not like you can ask "are you short-tempered and impatient?" and get a straight answer!

She sounds dreadful. Change instructors, and leave her a very honest review.

I don't really want to leave a bad review because she might start harassing me to remove it and that would be really stressful. She seems like the kind of person who might do that.

Change instructor.

Ds is autistic and has a brilliant instructor. He would go to pieces with someone like that.

No never had one like that but I’ve only had men driving instructors

Good that you’re going to tell her that you no longer wish to continue taking lessons from her. My first driving instructor was less horrific then yours but detrimental to my self confidence and she told me after 3 lessons or so that I would never learn to drive. I was ready to give up completely as an insecure 19 year old but my mother arranged a lesson with another driving instructor, a very seasoned lady with a great sense of humor and patience who helped me gain back my confidence and I passed my driving test the first time with flying colors. My advice would be to read reviews online and pay attention from the first moment to how they treat you and make you feel. You won’t learn to drive from someone who undermines your confidence with snide remarks and who is making you feel stupid.

My advice would be to read reviews online

My driving instructor has hundreds of 5-star reviews. Many of them look fake (written by people who don't live in the area or even the country, who have never written anything else, look like they've been badly translated from another language, etc etc.) She also has a few negative ones that I completely agree with.

In that case, I would probably post a message on my Facebook timeline to ask if anyone could recommend me a good driving instructor. That will get you more sincere recommendations probably.

@comefromaway Sorry to derail, but are you in London or thereabouts? Would love to find a good instructor for my son with autism! Please pm me if you don't mind!

She's a bad instructor. Our ds's was excellent, he instilled great confidence and she passed first time. Definitely change yours. Don't go by reviews. Ask locally.