Are all driving instructors like this?

[LittleBoPeepHasLostHerShit]

My driving instructor has a very negative attitude towards me. Whenever I make a mistake, she berates me, raises her voice and says things like "where's your brain?" She's never quiet for even a moment - even when nothing is happening she will constantly repeat things like "look near, look far, check mirrors, check signs", etc. She has told me that she doesn't give positive feedback, because if she says nothing, that means I'm doing it right. She also makes me second-guess myself, for example, sometimes after I've done something she will ask "was that the right thing to do?/the right time to go?" and when I ask if I did something wrong she says no! Why question my judgement when it's correct?

All this is making me really nervous and I turn into a bundle of nerves, which leads me to make more mistakes. However, almost everyone I speak to says they had the same experience. Are all driving instructors like this? Is it because I'm 35+ and not used to being treated like a naughty teenager? Surely there must be driving instructors who treat their learners with respect and kindness?

Sorry that should say dd not ds.

IMO, she's not your boss, not your parents and not your master. You are paying her for a service and, if you don't like the way that service is being offered, it is entirely within your gift to go and find someone who is better suited to you.

Do it. You're an adult and you can choose

My driving instructor was great, mainly me driving around filling him in on all the gossip from school, was a great way to relax while learning and not get too stressed. He did a great job and I learned and passed in about 15hrs

No just don’t rebook, you don’t even need to explain yourself to her.
I had a horrible old man driving instructor who actually shouted at me whenever I did something wrong. I changed instructors and it was totally different. I found a really laid back easy instructor (he was probably a bit too chilled tbh) - but its what I needed and I passed no issues.

No. DH is nothing like this. Most of his business is word of mouth from pupils who love his teaching style.

She sounds really unpleasant and needs to get with the programme re positive reinforcement.

Yeah mine was like this, I was only 17 so not brave enough to say anything or try to change instructor. Plus parents were paying.

I was very slow at learning to drive and needed a lot of lessons. On one lesson he remarked that he couldn't believe I was a pianist as I clearly couldn't multi-task with hands/feet.

I actually got on ok with him in the end when I was in the final stages and less of a nuisance to him, but he was quite horrible in the earlier lessons.

I had a terrible instructor to begin with who was like this. I felt so nervous I never went back after 5 lessons. Someone else who had been to him recommended another guy who was so much better and thags who I passed with.

Leave her now . I had a horrible instructor when I first started learning. I was so put off I didn't try again for 23 years!!! These things can have a deep and lasting effect. Thankfully pushing 50 I plucked up courage to try again and had the most wonderful man teaching me . I passed first time .

Yes I had someone like this as my instructor, he was a complete arse to the point he cancelled me using his car for my test (that he told me to book!) twice!

I found someone else and passed within two months and she was brilliant.

Yes, mine was rather like that, though it's going back a while and I took my test in 1988. I did an intensive course over five days and the guy basically shouted at me until I could do it. It was a challenge but I really wanted to pass, so I just did what I was told. I did shout back now and then which he didn't seem to mind at all. When the day of the test came, he was still in my head shouting and was for months afterwards, it was weirdly helpful. It was the first time in my entire life I've ever done exactly as I was told so it worked for me, as I passed, but I can understand it's not everyone's cup of tea.

Definitely change. Mine was so patronising it really knocked my confidence and I stopped lessons and still haven’t got back to it.

The 'where's ypur brain' type comments are totally unnecessary but to be honest I've had instructor's that use the techniques in the rest of your description and never had a problem with it.

The repeating cues or sayings I find useful. And being asked to reflect on something you have just done is always uncomfortable in the moment, but it is to get you to think about what you are doing.

I've had this type of instruction by a driving instructor years ago, plus more recently with an instructor when I did my trailer test. In my sport the asking you to reflect on something seems to be the norm now with UKCC qualified coaches.

If it is coming across as overly negative I'd think it's a problem with the instructor but I don't think the techniques are thar unusual!

You have a shit instructor. Get a new one. She’ll only make you hate driving.

No they are not. I’m more typically an anxious person but my instructor was very encouraging and reassuring of my ability. He really boosted my confidence because he had a very positive attitude whilst still addressing any issues. It’s not a surprise he has a good record for people passing with minimal faults.
Being relaxed on the roads is really important so their approach isn’t a good one at all!

I'm currently learning to drive (just started) and my instructor praises me tons and never criticises me. If I'm not doing something like mirrors he's on it and will then say something like as you get more confident with X you'll find it much easier and natural to check the mirrors. Which reminds me to do it or reassures me while I'm all fingers and thumbs about something he's on it and keeping us safe. If I make a mistake he'll tell me it's ok and not to worry about it and we'll practice it again.

My second instructor was amazing OP. He was kind, patient, funny, and had an incredible knack for teaching and his reflexes in the early lessons were amazing.

The first one I had was pretty bad. He sent me down a 50mph road on my first lesson and started me off on a busy main road. Coupled with the fact that I was sick/disabled at the time and he never answered my texts in the end I gave up on him and went with the second one.

I do not regret changing for one second. I came back from my first lesson with the other one thinking I would actually be able to drive eventually. So much more confidence.

Honestly get a different one!!! I had several over the years who were like this. Often just plain rude. No care for my learning style, not a word of positive praise. As a teacher myself I can say their teaching methods were absolutely appalling! I finally found a lovely instructor who listened to me, was clear and helpful and dare I say even congratulated a job well done. I was in my 30s by this point. Passed my test quickly and have been driving confidently ever since after being an absolute bag of nerves for years and years before. Good luck finding a better one! They are out there!!

@LaBellina

In that case, I would probably post a message on my Facebook timeline to ask if anyone could recommend me a good driving instructor. That will get you more sincere recommendations probably.

Trouble is you get their friends/family "recommending" them, just like they do for builders/plumbers, etc., and you risk getting another bad one.

True @Kazzyhoward it’s a risk…I think the most important thing is that the OP learns to listen to her gut feeling and is not afraid to cancel / not plan any further lessons if the driving instructor makes a bad impression

I went through 4 before I found one I liked. I also made sure I had a few lessons before I switched to see if it was me or not.

Number 5 was great. I stayed with him for almost a year and then passed.

All the best

My instructor is nothing like this. He will bring up anything negative because he has to so I can learn what I need to work on, but he really focuses on the positives.
I stupidly went in my own car with my dad though and he left me (at 36yo) a blubbering wreck because he only said negative things. It was as though he was waiting to jump in with criticism at any given moment. I refuse to ever drive with him in the car now. My test is in a month and I have really bad anxiety and confidence issues so this didn't help at all.
Basically, get a new instructor!

She sounds like a really bad fit with you. I'd not learn well under her sort of instruction either. I'd definitely look for someone new.

Not everyone instructor is right for every student. But yeah, she sounds a bit shit. Definitely change! My instructor was calm and clear on his instructions. I’m 30 now and passed a few weeks ago on my first time with no minors, so it’s nothing to do with your age. You can do this!

That should say 4 minors, not no! 😬