Page 4 | To crawl into a hole and never talk to anyone ever again ;)

JackyinaTracky · 16/02/2022 00:42

When I worked in a shoe shop I was asked by a customer if the trainers were bisexual…. Awkward silence…. Followed by both of us nearly choking when I asked if she meant unisex 🤣

MollyBloomYes · 16/02/2022 02:22

I've told this one before but in my student theatre days we were in a pre auditions meeting where anyone interested could listen to each of the directors chosen for that semester give a short speech about the play and how many roles there were and details of auditions etc.

My friend had been chosen to direct that term and confidently spoke about his play, the style of it, how many girl roles, how many boy roles and then....there were also a couple of 'erogenous' roles up for grabs as well.

His girlfriend caught my eye and we rapidly wet ourselves in Muttley shoulder shaking silence as we both realised he definitely meant androgynous. He insisted erogenous can carry the same meaning but we knew he was just trying to cover the shame of telling approx 300 students they could audition for a role akin to a clitoris

Original poster

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 16/02/2022 08:08

@JackyinaTracky

When I worked in a shoe shop I was asked by a customer if the trainers were bisexual…. Awkward silence…. Followed by both of us nearly choking when I asked if she meant unisex 🤣

Haha this gave me a giggle this morning 😂

OP posts:

ThePlantsitter · 16/02/2022 08:42

I rang up the hairdresser's and asked for an appointment for a cut and blowjob with Tom.

My colleagues in the office with me at the time pissed themselves laughing but the receptionist pretended not to notice. I hesitated to go to the appointment I was so embarrassed but Tom was a great hairdresser. When I got there the atmosphere was one of awkwardness rather than hilarity until half way through the haircut when we'd been chatting a bit and Tom said 'So I hear you wanted to book in another service...' and we had a laugh about it. Felt much better about it after that! The salon was in the City in London and he said they'd had to wait and see that I wasn't a super serious businesswoman before they could tease me about it.

Original poster

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 16/02/2022 08:47

Omg @ThePlantsitter I wouldn't have dared to go back there 😂😂 brilliant 😂

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CassieJumped · 18/02/2022 10:56

@PurpleFadesToGreen

I mixed up " lovely " and " thank you "

I told a waiter to his face " love you "

My husband did the exact same thing on one of our first dates!

CassieJumped · 18/02/2022 11:08

My manager passed me some paperwork off the printer and I said 'thanks darling'

CassieJumped · 18/02/2022 11:11

My mums school sent out a text on the school app reminding parents to send kids in with their willies for the school trip!

CaMePlaitPas · 18/02/2022 11:12

Was at the airport the other day and the bloke checking passports said "have a good flight" and I confidently said, "thanks you too!" I assume he gets that often.

CassieJumped · 18/02/2022 11:15

@CaMePlaitPas

Was at the airport the other day and the bloke checking passports said "have a good flight" and I confidently said, "thanks you too!" I assume he gets that often.

The politeness we have where we have to wish them well too! I've done the one where someone wishes you a happy birthday and you say 'thanks, you too!'

2Gen · 18/02/2022 11:22

@MonkeyBoots

This thread has made me wake my sleeping baby multiple times laughing! I have done so many of these things especially while pregnant!

Im a nurse and on a phone call to a patient asked to speak to To Mr Penis about his Smith....my student had filled the boxes out wrong!
Same student whilst with me visiting a grieving family
F" mum didn't open her eyes for the last week but we sat by her talking to each other"
Overconfident student "she will have known you were there, they say the hearing is the last to go"
F" she was deaf from birth"

Never been so embarrassed!

I was a nurse too a long time ago! When I was doing a module with the District Nurse as a student, we were at a house where the patient was in bed and obviously completely dependant, lying in a bed in the living room. The DN told me to "give Mr. So and So a bath" and in shock I answered "On my own??". I really thought she expected me to pick him up, carry him upstairs to the bathroom and lift him in and then out of the the bath by myself as if I was Super Woman!!! She then asks me "Do you not know how to do a BED-bath, Nurse??"! Why the feck didn't she say so! The patient's family were staring at me as if I was an idiot and I was mortified with embarrassment and very, very cross with the DN for not being clear and making me look so stupid in front of them!

IKeptYouLikeAnOath · 18/02/2022 11:33

At work I had to phone a new client whose name was Fiona Shek, and as I dialled I had a smile to myself at how it reminded me of Princess Fiona and Shrek.

Her: hello?
Me: hi, is that Princess Fion-bbwahahahahaha
Her: 😶

Original poster

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 18/02/2022 11:35

@CassieJumped

My mums school sent out a text on the school app reminding parents to send kids in with their willies for the school trip!

I have done this too!! Text to DH

"Shall we go to the park and take our willies?"

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IntermittentParps · 18/02/2022 11:50

Not on the phone, but I've sent or nearly sent quite a lot of emails and texts wishing someone breast wishes or saying I know that they've 'been busty'.
Can never think of the actual phonetic alphabet when required, but I've never said 'Wanky' or '(K)nickers' . 'N for no one' seems to be my default for N.

YetAnotherUsernameToday · 18/02/2022 12:08

Signed off a sarky email with 'retards' instead of 'regards'. It was unintentional but made me look like a right bitch.

I have also had the hairdresser one, but mine was at a training college and the trainee took me to to reception to pay and said - "I've just give her a cut and a blow job".

Oh and an interaction with another parent at a baby swimming class when I was overtired:
Me: Hello, your little boy is so cute.
Parent: She's a girl!
Me: Oh sorry, what's his name?
Parent: Daisy
Me: Oh that's an unusual name for a boy.

Cue the parent swimming away and avoiding me the rest of the lesson. I didn't return after that- mortified with myself.

twodayisarightoff · 18/02/2022 12:11

@YetAnotherUsernameToday ha ha took DD for her first baby swimming lesson and the teacher said is this Toby ?!I said no it's DDSname and she said well anything goes for boys names these days ?! Wtf

AffIt · 18/02/2022 12:12

Dara O'Briain did a fantastic skit about trying to use the phonetic alphabet and only being able to think of inappropriate words to illustrate it... "V for (don't say vagina, don't say vagina, don't say vagina) VAGINA!"

didshedidntshe · 18/02/2022 12:13

My dentist asked what I did for a living and I told him and then said 'what about you?' 🤦🏼‍♀️

AffIt · 18/02/2022 12:13

@didshedidntshe

My dentist asked what I did for a living and I told him and then said 'what about you?' 🤦🏼‍♀️

Flexitarian · 18/02/2022 12:16

Once giving my details over the phone:

“Mrs R Jones”

“Is that R for Romeo?”

“No, it’s Rachel actually”

🤦🏼‍♀️

didshedidntshe · 18/02/2022 12:25

Oh also not me, but a friend of mine farted during her smear test, right as they put the thing inside lol

gungemonster · 18/02/2022 12:29

@TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo

Ordered a lovely takeaway.

Delivery driver got lost. Phoned me to check postcode so clever old me started spelling it phonetically... until I got to the last part "Q for Quebec, Y for Wanky"

Yes I said Y for Wanky. Actually Y for Wanky.

I sent DD2 to the door as I couldn't face the poor guy.

Actually dying inside.

What's the most embarrassing f**kup you have made to a random over the phone?

I said that exact same thing to a customer 20 years ago and I still cringe.

didshedidntshe · 18/02/2022 12:31

@ThePlantsitter

I rang up the hairdresser's and asked for an appointment for a cut and blowjob with Tom.

My colleagues in the office with me at the time pissed themselves laughing but the receptionist pretended not to notice. I hesitated to go to the appointment I was so embarrassed but Tom was a great hairdresser. When I got there the atmosphere was one of awkwardness rather than hilarity until half way through the haircut when we'd been chatting a bit and Tom said 'So I hear you wanted to book in another service...' and we had a laugh about it. Felt much better about it after that! The salon was in the City in London and he said they'd had to wait and see that I wasn't a super serious businesswoman before they could tease me about it.

🤣🤣🤣 I'm a PA and my boss always asks me to book her blow drys and it takes everything I have to make sure I don't say blow job!

Bentoforthehorde · 18/02/2022 12:49

I answered the door to a takeaway driver with one of my boobs completely out. I was holding newborn DS and totally sleep deprived. Baby wasn't even feeding.
I bet delivery drivers see some crazy stuff.

JudgeRindersMinder · 18/02/2022 12:50

I did the Y wanky thing over the radio to an entire police force about 20 years ago…still have the pee taken out of me for it…