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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being really ungrateful

58 replies

Relationship · 14/02/2022 12:03

Going through a really hard time at the moment and feeling really rubbish chronic condition only making this worse. I buy myself a bunch of roses every other week from as a treat partner never buys me any and always make a big deal about them being for Valentine’s or birthdays only. I always use the local lovely florist we walk past and have used my best friends flowers for other occasions like Mother’s Day He knows this. I also really love cards and have kept every single card he’s ever got me in a box. So this morning he hinted that something was turning up for me later and it’s a tiny bunch of flowers from a random company with 3 roses and a load of other filler flowers no 2 the same so all very random. They came pre done in a vase so he’s clearly paid more for that than the flowers and no card at all. Im trying to be positive but he made such a big deal about what he has got me and this big surprise I really feel awful for the way I feel as he’s such a loving partner.

OP posts:
Tittyfilarious81 · 14/02/2022 12:06

I think you should be grateful he made an effort even if they are not exactly to your taste he's tried

MatildaTheCat · 14/02/2022 12:07

Sorry YABU. You say he never buys flowers so he just doesn’t understand it. My DH always gets it a bit wrong so I have a subscription he pays for instead.

Smile and say thank you. Then carry on buying your own flowers.

Original poster
Relationship · 14/02/2022 12:07

Yes I’m feeling awful for feeling this and am very grateful I’ve also had some sad news this week so really on edge

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 14/02/2022 12:10

I think you need to shake off your disappointment. He tried, he didn't get it quite wrong but he tried. Try to focus on the positive that he cares enough to make an effort - you say yourself it would have cost a bit as it came with a vase.
I'm sorry your having a difficult time at the moment and I hope things improve.

ClariceQuiff · 14/02/2022 12:10

He's done his best and if you weren't feeling so low you'd probably have been made happy by the flowers he sent - not his fault and not your fault Valentine's day fell at a bad time for you. Hope you feel better soon.

affairsofdragons · 14/02/2022 12:12

Maybe the flowers aren't what you would have liked, but he did think of you, he did try, and perhaps he thought they'd be 'more', too, and the company let him down.

LimeSupper · 14/02/2022 12:15

The flowers are a gift. If you can’t enjoy a gift with grace and gratitude, just buy your own flowers and then you can buy precisely what you want. Have you forgotten the point of a gift?? YABU

ladymuck111 · 14/02/2022 12:18

YABU. He's made the effort and got you flowers.

SartresSoul · 14/02/2022 12:19

YABU. You’re being incredibly spoilt and entitled. He’s tried his best and has thought about you. I didn’t get anything, didn’t expect anything either so not bothered! I’d be pretty happy with flowers, irrespective of how they looked.

pickingdaisies · 14/02/2022 12:23

He's seen the website and the lovely photo online of a beautiful arrangement, and not noticed that it's mainly fillers (or recognises the difference)
He's been had, but God love him at least he tried.

RainbowBridge21 · 14/02/2022 12:26

Hmm he's a bit damned if he does and damned if he doesn't in this situation. With your current mindset, he'll never win.

ClariceQuiff · 14/02/2022 12:27

@pickingdaisies

He's seen the website and the lovely photo online of a beautiful arrangement, and not noticed that it's mainly fillers (or recognises the difference) He's been had, but God love him at least he tried.
Yes - this. Flower arrangements often look much, much better in the picture and you don't always get what you pay for.
FawnFrenchieMum · 14/02/2022 12:28

Also don't forget there is a possibility what he ordered is what you have actually received.
I have ordered from InterFlora a few times for flowers from work and when the person has sent a thank you photo they look nothing like what I ordered (but other times they have been way nicer then I ordered too).

Rosebuud · 14/02/2022 12:28

Yes this doesn’t read well, it reads like they aren’t good enough for you. It’s a gift, he took the time and effort. They are flowers, try to enjoy that someone cared about you enough to make the effort. Not be sniffy and judgey that they aren’t good enough.

FawnFrenchieMum · 14/02/2022 12:29

cross posts with @pickingdaisies

Satingreenshutters · 14/02/2022 12:30

Cop the fuck on. You sound entitled and spoiled.

heathspeedwell · 14/02/2022 12:35

Sorry to hear you had bad news this week, be gentle with yourself.

Hopefully the flowers will look a lot better in the next day or two - some take a while to come into their own so you may be pleasantly surprised.

HangOnToYourself · 14/02/2022 12:39

If you have been buying yourself Rose's as a standard thing he probably thought it would be better to do something a bit different as Rose's have become a bit 'done' in your house so he was trying to make it special and put a twist on it for you

Sunsetsupernova · 14/02/2022 12:39

A few years ago DP sent me a bouquet of roses for Valentine’s. I didn’t want to tell him but they arrived looking absolutely awful. Like almost dead. Obviously he saw them and showed me the email confirmation of a £60 bouquet and a photo of a lovely big arrangement which looked nothing like what had arrived.

I think postal flowers are always a bit hit and miss and he may not have entirely realised what he was ordering. DP also asked me yesterday if I’d like him to pick up some dandelions when he meant daffodils. Flowers aren’t always men’s forte!

Herja · 14/02/2022 12:40

He tried. It's more than I would do. I have an irrational level of hatred for Valentine's day. My boyfriend gets me something small and edible every year, telling me he knows I don't care about it but be loves me (I eat it while muttering ungratefully as he laughs at me); every year I tell him that I think the day is comercialised shite and so I haven't got him anything... Sometimes I think perhaps I should, but then thinking about it makes me angry and I don't think angry gifting should be a thing, however small the gift.

I am sorry you're disappointed OP, but at least you're not married to someone like me!

Somethingsnappy · 14/02/2022 12:44

Yes, you are being very unreasonable, but it sounds like you know this, which is why you feel so bad for feeling this way. From your description of him, it sounds like he'd be upset to know you are disappointed too. He has made a good effort, it just hasn't matched your own expectations. What have you done for him?. Why don't the two of you plan a lovely romantic evening?

peboh · 14/02/2022 12:48

Yes, you are being ungrateful. You moan that he doesn't buy you flowers, now he has you moan that they aren't extravagant enough.

HelloPanda12 · 14/02/2022 13:00

Definitely being a bit unreasonable. He got you flowers and seems as though he was excited for you to see them when they arrived. I do hope you haven’t said anything negative to him about them, sounds like he really tried.

CrystalCoco · 14/02/2022 13:08

I'd say on this occasion it's definitely 'the thought that counts' - he didn't go out of his way to get you something he thought you'd hate, he maybe thought you'd like something that he thinks of as 'more special' than what you usually buy for yourself.

I got a card this morning, on it were those two daft fluffy grey bear things hugging, I hated the card the instant I saw it but was grateful that'd he'd thought to buy one and write something nice inside.

Aprilx · 14/02/2022 13:11

YABVU. If I were him I would not bother again.