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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being really ungrateful

58 replies

Relationship · 14/02/2022 12:03

Going through a really hard time at the moment and feeling really rubbish chronic condition only making this worse. I buy myself a bunch of roses every other week from as a treat partner never buys me any and always make a big deal about them being for Valentine’s or birthdays only. I always use the local lovely florist we walk past and have used my best friends flowers for other occasions like Mother’s Day He knows this. I also really love cards and have kept every single card he’s ever got me in a box. So this morning he hinted that something was turning up for me later and it’s a tiny bunch of flowers from a random company with 3 roses and a load of other filler flowers no 2 the same so all very random. They came pre done in a vase so he’s clearly paid more for that than the flowers and no card at all. Im trying to be positive but he made such a big deal about what he has got me and this big surprise I really feel awful for the way I feel as he’s such a loving partner.

OP posts:
phoenixrosehere · 14/02/2022 13:15

I’m on the fence here tbh.

On one hand, he did buy you flowers BUT
as you said, he only sees these as things to be done on Valentines Day or Birthdays which is why you started buying flowers as a treat for yourself.

I don’t think yabu for being disappointed. I think this is the case of grin and bear it and remember it’s just one day out of the year. People put way too much emphasis into Valentines Day.

Rosebuud · 14/02/2022 13:19

@phoenixrosehere

I’m on the fence here tbh.

On one hand, he did buy you flowers BUT
as you said, he only sees these as things to be done on Valentines Day or Birthdays which is why you started buying flowers as a treat for yourself.

I don’t think yabu for being disappointed. I think this is the case of grin and bear it and remember it’s just one day out of the year. People put way too much emphasis into Valentines Day.

This can’t be serious? Why would he buy her flowers every two weeks, who does that 😂
phoenixrosehere · 14/02/2022 13:24

This can’t be serious? Why would he buy her flowers every two weeks, who does that

Where did I say he had to buy them every two weeks or that OP expected him to do so?

If you know your partner likes flowers and it makes them happy, why wouldn’t you buy them more than two times a year if you can afford to do so.

lucylucyapplejuicy · 14/02/2022 13:26

YABU hes made the effort but it just wasn't good enough for you

ladydimitrescu · 14/02/2022 13:27

Yeah YABU. Come on

Rosebuud · 14/02/2022 13:27

@phoenixrosehere

This can’t be serious? Why would he buy her flowers every two weeks, who does that

Where did I say he had to buy them every two weeks or that OP expected him to do so?

If you know your partner likes flowers and it makes them happy, why wouldn’t you buy them more than two times a year if you can afford to do so.

Well cos she buys them every two weeks, why else? Confused
Strawberry33 · 14/02/2022 13:28

It’s not unreasonable to be disappointed but just thank him and remember the thought xx

Dillydollydingdong · 14/02/2022 13:32

I I bought my own, and made a joke of it. Thank you for my flowers, I said to a confused dp.

Original poster
Relationship · 14/02/2022 13:36

Thanks I’ve told him how nice the flowers where and we’ve had a lovely day together i guess I’m just disappointed as he made such a big deal over the flowers being special on Valentine’s Day. Also last year he couldn’t get me any on the day and text to say he hadn’t got any. He then managed to find a stall holder closing up on way home and I got a tiny bunch of half dead flowers. He then said he would make it up to me this year.

OP posts:
beachcitygirl · 14/02/2022 13:38

Yanbu

This isn't really about the flowers as such, the way I see it, I think you are hurt that he doesn't hear you or put thought into what you would love to receive, he's randomly covered his arse and ticked that Valentine box.
He's being a bit of an arse. Not today but in a week or so, I'd try & tell him you feel he doesn't hear you or care to think of your needs xxx Thanks

saraclara · 14/02/2022 13:40

I don't see flowers that aren't roses, as 'fillers'. I actually prefer a variety of flowers in a bunch, and appreciate the others every bit as much as roses.

I expect he thought that he should get you something different from the sort you buy yourself, so went for a lovely looking variety bunch. Flowers aren't his thing. But he did what he could.

You are being VVU I'm afraid.

TheApexOfMyLife · 14/02/2022 13:42

He made lipservice to what is, according to him, the only time when giving you flowers is appropriate.

Now granted, he probably dind't quite get how many roses there would be (I'm finding pictures on websitre like this very deceptive). HOwever, he also probaly didn't want to
1- put the effort to physically visit a florist
2- put enough money into it.

I'd be very meh about it too.

saraclara · 14/02/2022 13:42

Not today but in a week or so, I'd try & tell him you feel he doesn't hear you or care to think of your needs xxx

Please don't do that.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 14/02/2022 13:47

You buy yourself Roses twice a month, he probably thinks you are bonkers wanting something you buy so regular for yourself. Have you ever just left him be and see what he gets you without telling him to get flowers?

HappyDays40 · 14/02/2022 13:49

Bigger things to worry about in this world.

Chocomelon · 14/02/2022 13:52

You are being ungrateful. It's gift so he gets to choose them and where to buy them from but he tried.

Did he like what you got for him?

blyn72 · 14/02/2022 13:53

He tried, it probably looked like a pretty bunch of flowers in a vase in the advertisement (& probably is!).

It's only Valentine's day for goodness sake.

greenlynx · 14/02/2022 14:03

I wonder if he’s deliberately used a different place, feeling a bit uncomfortable to go to a place where you buy so often. I don’t know but I would prefer the place where I’m not known for buying/ doing something new. I wouldn’t like friendly chat : oh you must be so and so partner/ daughter/ mum whatever. The same with cards some people are very natural some people are not. My DH doesn’t give me cards, it’s just not he at all, DD is in charge of cards in our family.

Pr1mr0se · 14/02/2022 14:13

I think your emotional state about other stuff going on in your life that you've alluded to in your posts are affecting your judgement. Yes, the flowers are not the most professional bunch or not to your taste or have been built up by your husband as something exceptional but maybe they are given with love. Some people have bigger problems.

AllyBama · 14/02/2022 14:18

Are you being ungrateful? Yes absolutely. Take a good look at yourself at be thankful he got you something. But whatever he got was never going to be good enough was it?

Theoilydoiley · 14/02/2022 14:36

He probably saw your regular flowers and thought as it’s Valentine’s he’ll get you something different.

My DH will see 1+1 and get 1.05...I’ve learned MY expectations are too high and if I want or don’t want something I’ll have to spell it out so that way I don’t get frustrated because he can’t read my mind.

Example we often buy the Sainsbury’s biscuit assortment. I always start with the jam sandwich one because I don’t like it and want to end on tasty things. Get rid of the rubbish ones first! One day he came home with a double pack of jammy dodgers just for me...he thought he would treat me with the branded stuff.

He used to see me always reaching for them first and thought they were my favourites Grin Now if we get multi assortments of anything he asks which ones I like.

MadAntonia · 14/02/2022 14:38

You are not being unreasonable. It may seem ‘spoiled’ or ‘entitled’, but getting a disappointing gift can really hurt.

Gift-giving is more emotionally loaded than we think. Maybe not for everyone, but it is for some, and that’s okay.

That said, he might find a little guidance helpful. Maybe talk to him about gift-giving occasions in general, and how the two of you might celebrate?

pickingdaisies · 14/02/2022 14:53

@Satingreenshutters

Cop the fuck on. You sound entitled and spoiled.
I know this is Aibu, but did you read the OP's posts? She's having a tough time. Cop on yourself.
Nsky · 14/02/2022 15:30

He made the effect.
For those getting crap flowers, complain, get new ones, they make enough money

SpiderVersed · 14/02/2022 15:35

If he's n ot into flowers he won't think of some as "fillers". They are all of a piece to him.

To be frank, what you think of as fillers are probably the ones I like more.