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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Don’t know what to do about naughty cat

82 replies

elle0305 · 14/02/2022 10:17

We have 2 cats (a brother and sister), not any specific breed, just the general domestic cat type, they will be 8 years old this year, have had them since they were kittens, both neutered, and both go outside.
The male has always been the one with the naughty behaviour, he has always scratched and pulled up carpets, scratched paint off walls, chewed through various wires etc. the female has never been naughty. Since having my two children (a 3 year old and a 4 month old), our male cat has just ramped up his naughty behaviour. The biggest issue we seem to have is in the morning he seems to think I should feed him his wet food immediately before feeding my children, despite the fact he has dry food left out overnight. My husbands answer is just for me to just the cats first for an easy life, but our vet actually told me this is probably where we have gone wrong in the first place, as we have inadvertently put them at the top of the pecking order, and he didn’t really have much advice other than let the cats outside before I make breakfast so they aren’t in the house, which is fine on a dry day, but when it’s raining he will not physically go out of the door, I’d have to literally throw him out 😆
So on a typical morning I will come downstairs, make my 3 year olds breakfast, then make the baby his bottle and sit at the table and feed him his bottle while my 3 year old eats. During this time the cat will be being naughty purely to get my attention as he thinks he should be fed first? That then seems to set his behaviour tone for the rest of the day. And sometimes he won’t even eat his food when I do feed them, like out of protest? And he will carry on being naughty.. I’m honestly at my wits end with him, my life is stressful enough without an animal putting me in a shit mood every morning. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 14/02/2022 10:52

I would just feed him the wet food. It doesn't take long and you are never going to teach him to wait patiently while you do things your way.

MsJinks · 14/02/2022 10:53

You can - and should - do this with dogs around their feeding to shove them down the ‘pack’ pecking order, however, I’ve never heard cats can, or should, be taught in this way - I can’t see how it would work as they would never learn.
Cats don’t show stress as we might expect so it’s likely he is even more stressed than he seems and then not feeding him but putting him out will add more stress. I’d just feed him for easiest or get a timed feeder. Making him wait won’t help anything for a cat tbh.

HopingForMyRainbowBaby · 14/02/2022 10:54

It literally takes seconds to open a packet of cat food and stick it in his food bowl. I'd be pissed too if I was a Cat and had to sit and wait 'patiently' for you to give one child breakfast and feed the other before I could have mine

Joinedforthis22 · 14/02/2022 10:54

The joy of a cat, unlike a child or a dog, is that you can totally let them be spoilt little brats!

Calennig · 14/02/2022 10:55

Feed him first or if it really is too early get a timed feeder and set up night before.

Get Feliway or Beaphar CatComfort plug ins to help with stress.

Make sure there are lots of scatching posts in house to re-direct the scratching - apparently spraying with catnip can enourage that - and spraying with lemon/citrus can help prevent otehr scratching.

I also think maybe reading up about cat behavior might help as labeling normal cat behavior as naughty probably isn't helpful.

Jackson Galaxy on you tube has tips for undesirable cat behavior.

Grumpsy · 14/02/2022 10:55

Just fed him first, no amount of trying it’s going to teach cats about a pecking order.

CoastalWave · 14/02/2022 10:57

Just feed him first - and please give him some attention. His 'naughty' behaviour is because you have effectively kicked out your cats to have your kids (in his eyes)

In my house, the cats are on a par with my kids - they're all my babies!!!

The fact you say 'an animal' - makes me think he's not particularly loved?! I adore my cats. Wouldn't think about NOT feeding them first. Children understand and can wait.

Feed your damn cats please!

steppemum · 14/02/2022 10:59

@MsJinks

You can - and should - do this with dogs around their feeding to shove them down the ‘pack’ pecking order, however, I’ve never heard cats can, or should, be taught in this way - I can’t see how it would work as they would never learn. Cats don’t show stress as we might expect so it’s likely he is even more stressed than he seems and then not feeding him but putting him out will add more stress. I’d just feed him for easiest or get a timed feeder. Making him wait won’t help anything for a cat tbh.
pack order and pecking order in dogs has been proven to be a load of rubbish. Dogs are taught to wait and eat on command to stop them becoming possessive round food,but it isn't to do with pack order.

Animals love habit and routine. Let them eat.

CoastalWave · 14/02/2022 10:59

Actually, i've just re-read your post.

The fact that your male has always been like this suggests that you don't pay them enough attention :( You can't just 'have' a cat. You need to entertain them and spend time with them. Do you do that?

PeeAche · 14/02/2022 11:06

My cats behave like my getting up in the morning, and feeding them a spoonful of slop, is the unequivocal high point of their days. It's quite flattering, really and I don't get anything as satisfying from the kids. Who are liable to weep actual tears, and voluntarily go to school hungry, if Morrisons redesign the box their cereal comes in.

Feed the cats first.

In fact, why don't you try weaning your kids onto the same food and schedule? That way, you could just line 4 bowls up on the floor, drop some cat food in and go and make a coffee.

Flutterby8 · 14/02/2022 11:12

Cats rule the roost, you wont change that behaviour.
They are creatures of habit and if they are used to being fed 'first' then thats what they want.
It takes a few mins to feed a cat. Feed the cat while getting the kids breakfast ready and you all eat together.
Or get a timed feeder which will open at a set time for the cat?

Side note, if the cat is hungry all the time consider getting their thyroid checked as it is a significant sign of a hyperyhyroid cat.
Cats may also be feeing pushed out by the kids. Obviously the cats were their first. Their lives have been changed and no doubt arent top of the pecking order now but they still need time for attention and fuss otherwise they can become destructive and demanding.
Also use a feliway diffuser to create a chilled atmosphere, cats stress easily especially with children so this demanding behaviour can be a form of stress.

balalake · 14/02/2022 11:14

People own dogs. Cats own people. Wet food for cat first.

CaribouCarafe · 14/02/2022 11:14

@PeeAche

My cats behave like my getting up in the morning, and feeding them a spoonful of slop, is the unequivocal high point of their days. It's quite flattering, really and I don't get anything as satisfying from the kids. Who are liable to weep actual tears, and voluntarily go to school hungry, if Morrisons redesign the box their cereal comes in.

Feed the cats first.

In fact, why don't you try weaning your kids onto the same food and schedule? That way, you could just line 4 bowls up on the floor, drop some cat food in and go and make a coffee.

Grin loved the mental image of the cats and kids lined up on the floor eating their spoonful of slop
nettytree · 14/02/2022 11:16

In my house, cats get fed first. Then the guinea pigs, then yell at kids to get their own breakfasts. Then I get the packed lunches ready. Finally get to have a quick coffee before the school run. Cats always first and the best spot on the sofa.

elle0305 · 14/02/2022 11:18

Can’t actually believe some of the replies on here 🤣 he is a well loved spoilt cat, who gets fed literally 10 mins later as I give my 4 month old his bottle first because he genuinely does wake up hungry. And no a 4 month old baby does not ‘understand’ to wait for their food 🤔🤣 My cats on the other hand have dry food out at all times as well as being fed wet food before we go to bed, so no they are not starving!
Yes they do have scratching posts, and I wouldn’t say chewing wires is normal cat behaviour past kitten age.
Thank you to everyone who had actual suggestions and advice, going to look into the plug ins, and going to ask my husband to feed them when he gets up at 5:30 and see if that makes him happier, if not will look at trying a timer, because they are not fed pouches so no it doesn’t take seconds, all pouch food I’ve ever come across is shit with hardly any meat content, and they get fed 95% pure meat content but their food is a lot of faffing and portioning to split it up into portions, so if that sounds like they are unloved to you because I called them animals then ok 🤣 cats are animals and no they are not on par with my children but that does not mean they are unloved
Who knew you would get abuse from people for feeding your BABY before your cat 🤯 glad none of you are my parents 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Maves · 14/02/2022 11:20

Tell him to fuck off I tell mine to, boy isn't bad old woman though stalks me coming down stairs in morn and don't stop till she gets what she wants they are cats it's what they do. I come back from shopping I don't have just the dogs jumping up as they are pleased I'm back...my cat comes straight there to see what I've bought her 😂

Maves · 14/02/2022 11:22

But yeah in all fairness it takes a minute to feed your cat...might as well do it first?...do you think your fat is actually thinking "why is she feeding him before me? I'll shit in the cornflakes to piss her off" no.

Boood · 14/02/2022 11:23

Nobody is abusing you, they’re just pointing out that you are never going to convince your cat that he isn’t first in the pecking order, no matter what you think. So you can either ignore/tolerate his protests, or you can feed him first. Cats didn’t get to rule the world by learning their place 😂

CatJumperTwat · 14/02/2022 11:26

all pouch food I’ve ever come across is shit with hardly any meat content

You need to look harder.

PeeAche · 14/02/2022 11:27

@elle0305 Mine was an actual suggestion, tbf. I'm worried you might have taken it as a "joke"? Cat food is really good for babies. Probably. (Might want to get some kitten food)

Alternative is to breastfeed them all. But my cats never took to it for some reason. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sideorderofchips · 14/02/2022 11:28

My old boy chews wires. He's just a bit dense.

Mine get fed when we get up. They would also like to be fed 6 million times during the day (over exaggeration but that's what it feels like when I'm home)

He's a cat. He's doing cat things.

steppemum · 14/02/2022 11:28

my cat has dry food down all the time.
he goes through it veyr very slowly.

When he is hungry, he does not consider dry food as 'food' he wants wet food.

Obviously your cat isn't starving. But his behaviour is stress related.
Feeding him first removes that stress for him and for you.
But I do get what you say about a 4 month old, mine would be crying within minutes of waking for their milk, and no, it isn't fair to let them wait.

elle0305 · 14/02/2022 11:30

I’m not trying to convince the cat of a pecking order, I simply put what the vet told me, because they had a check up appointment anyway so I asked about it while I was there. I don’t really give a shit if he is fed before me, but I’m not about to leave my baby crying while I feed the cat that has food down at all times. And he only chews wires when he’s not been fed, only other time it happens is if we’ve forgot to feed him 😅 so everyone saying cats can’t protest he definitely can 😆

OP posts:
steppemum · 14/02/2022 11:30

pouches = bad for environment
tins = good for environment

just saying....

kickupafuss · 14/02/2022 11:33

Just feed him - it takes less than a minute. Dogs have a pecking order but I didn't think cats did.