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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Designated shitty valentines day thread?

65 replies

Starcrossed2 · 14/02/2022 08:49

Thought it would be fun (or laughingly depressing) to have a thread for venting off our disappointments.

I'll go first, dh presented me with a card yesterday and said 'here you go, open it. It's 50/50 which way you'll take it'

Opened the card and it was a picture of a lateral flow test saying I tested positive for loving you. He knows how anxious covid has made me being vulnerable, and my mum cev. Weird choice but I can sort of see the funny side.

Cue today I give him his nice sweet card and ask if he got me a nice one? Nope.
Any flowers? Cheap box of chocolate? Nope.
Said he didn't have time. He didn't start work until 1 yesterday and spent the morning lounging around. He could have left 10 mins earlier and popped into the coop.

I know valentines is a hallmark holiday but there is also a social expectation to it. I almost feel embarrassed that when I speak to my mum later and she asks what he got me, it'll be a card that he gave me a day early.

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 14/02/2022 08:51

Aww it doesn't matter it really doesn't unless it symbolises other problems in your marriage.

I got covid!

WheelieBinPrincess · 14/02/2022 08:53

I think the card was funny, probably he thinks it’s time you tried to be less anxious about covid.

You don’t mention getting him any flowers or chocolates? What are you going to go to make the day special, if it means so much to you?

We haven’t done anything yet, DH left for work early and I was in the spare room with a snuffly baby propped up on me.

DH had left hot coffee in the pot though next to my favourite mug which in that moment meant more than any Valentine’s Day frippery.

SickAndTiredAgain · 14/02/2022 08:54

It sounds like you also just got him a card though? Do the two of you normally do gifts, or normally just cards?
I know people who go all out, and people who just do cards - neither are wrong, but if he would normally get you a nice gift and this year he’s just not bothered then that’s different to valentines just not being a thing you as a couple generally do.

SparklingLime · 14/02/2022 08:55

It was shitty of him to buy you that card. He basically admitted it would likely not be welcome.

FancySomeChips · 14/02/2022 08:56

Well I got nothing…. 38 years in a row.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 14/02/2022 08:57

I used to be really bothered about it when I was younger, and also when I was with my ExH. But he was horrible and so I guess in some weird messed up way I wanted evidence that he did actually love me, even if only demonstrated once a year?! I dunno 🤷🏼‍♀️🙈

I’m not so bothered by it now. My DP (of 4 years, but we don’t live together) gave me some lovely flowers on Saturday. I won’t get a card, though, I know he hates all the ‘hallmark holiday’ stuff, and that’s fine. He shows me he loves me in hundreds of other ways throughout the year, so I’d much, much rather be with him than the awful ex who thought his dozen red roses and ‘wife’ card gave him a free pass to be an arse for the rest of the year 😂

I’m sorry you’re disappointed though. Does he usually make more of an effort?

(As an aside, I’ve bought DP a card, and I’m making him his favourite cherry pie ❤️ Coz I luvs him 🥰 as long as were ok with our balance, that’s all that matters.)

HermioneWeasley · 14/02/2022 08:58

He got you a card, you got him a card. What’s the problem?

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2022 08:58

His card was sweet funny and you just got him a card I know this is a vent thread but you exchanged cards said you loved each other.

RocketPanda · 14/02/2022 08:59

I think your DH card is funny and sweet. What gifts did you get him?

Cheekypeach · 14/02/2022 09:02

@HermioneWeasley

He got you a card, you got him a card. What’s the problem?
Yep, did you get him a gift OP?
Original poster
Starcrossed2 · 14/02/2022 09:02

I got the ingredients for a romantic breakfast for him so that was my gift to him! He loves food!

It's very much the tip of iceberg unfortunately so that's probably why it's cutting quite deep. The covid thing, I do appreciate the cutesy humour but he knows how badly my mental health has been the last couple of years because of it so it just didn't hit the right chord. I asked him why he wanted me to open it yesterday and he said he was excited. I honestly feel like the butt of his bad joke.

He would normally just get me a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates which I'm more than happy with and I tend to get him an experience or do something for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Starcrossed2 · 14/02/2022 09:03

By ingredients I mean I will also be making it, not just handing them over

OP posts:
harbourlane · 14/02/2022 09:04

His card sounds funny. I've had horrendous anxiety over covid too but that would definitely make me smile. We hate soppy cards though.

I think that if you were otherwise happy in the relationship then this stuff wouldn't matter to you. You'd see valentines day for the commercial nonsense it actually is.

Mrsjayy · 14/02/2022 09:05

His card hasn't hit the spot he expected but it wasn't with bad intention It doesn't sound he was making fun of you. Did he share his breakfast

Original poster
Starcrossed2 · 14/02/2022 09:06

@TwoBigNoisyBoys that's the nail on the head. I was really hoping he'd put the effort in so I knew he loved me. I guess if you feel that love every other day of the year then valentine's does feel insignificant

OP posts:
WheelieBinPrincess · 14/02/2022 09:06

My care to DH is What We Do in the Shadows inspired and says, ‘I love you so much I could rip your head off’ Blush

WheelieBinPrincess · 14/02/2022 09:06

*card

Cheekypeach · 14/02/2022 09:08

@Starcrossed2

I got the ingredients for a romantic breakfast for him so that was my gift to him! He loves food!

It's very much the tip of iceberg unfortunately so that's probably why it's cutting quite deep. The covid thing, I do appreciate the cutesy humour but he knows how badly my mental health has been the last couple of years because of it so it just didn't hit the right chord. I asked him why he wanted me to open it yesterday and he said he was excited. I honestly feel like the butt of his bad joke.

He would normally just get me a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates which I'm more than happy with and I tend to get him an experience or do something for him.

Op you’re being a killjoy. The card was funny and not at all offensive. The breakfast was a nice thing to do, see if he comes up with something later. But you didn’t get him a ‘gift’ per se and he didn’t get you one. You’re pretty equal in this. You sound like you’re just looking for an excuse to have a moan.
FrazzledMCPremenopausalWoman · 14/02/2022 09:08

I got the realisation that our marriage is over (been coming for a number of months) and an announcement that he was going to get wasted. Needless to say I didn't bother writing his card, and I gave the kids his chocolate. I'll get nothing - which is fine, saves an awkward moment.

TheSoapyFrog · 14/02/2022 09:18

The card would be funny to me, but then I don't have any anxiety about covid!
I have nothing today. We had a big row about it yesterday. We usually have a home cooked (by me) candlelit dinner but this year I said we should just do cards. I spent ages finding just the right card and ordered it online a couple of weeks ago.
Yesterday afternoon we were on the way home from shopping and he stopped to get petrol. I mentioned that I'd give him his card before he left for work on Monday. He then said he wanted to stop in Tesco to get my card. I asked why he's only doing it now and he first of all said he didn't see any when we were out yesterday (at my nan's house and Lidl). And he didn't see any in the shops he went to during the week (Co-op and the fried chicken place). I asked why didn't he go to a different shop and he said he was far too busy with work.
This was when I went a bit shrill and said it wasn't like I was asking for a grand gesture or an expensive gift, just a card. It was bad enough on my birthday where he got me absolutely nothing and I paid for lunch for us both, despite me saying I would like a bit of fuss. And then at Christmas when I to order and buy my own presents (he did pay me back and I made him wrap them up).
I just want to feel like I'm worth his time and effort, and yet again, I'm left feeling like I'm not. But then also wondering if I'm being silly about it.

SparklingLime · 14/02/2022 09:19

How you can write that in direct response to the OP saying how bad her mental health has been, I don’t know, @Cheekypeach. Wanna be ‘cool girl’ failing, I guess?

Laiste · 14/02/2022 09:20

Flowers for you @FrazzledMCPremenopausalWoman

That all sounds pretty brutal :(

FrazzledMCPremenopausalWoman · 14/02/2022 09:21

@Laiste thanks for the 💐 - it's fine, had to happen one day, it may as well have been today!

Laiste · 14/02/2022 09:22

Flowers to the OP as well!

I think very often the story behind threads like these are 'tip of the iceberg' situations.

AIBU is not the best place to open your heart :) The 'relationships' board is better if you're really down.

Bridgetina · 14/02/2022 09:23

I nearly bought that card for my husband- I thought it was really funny. Don’t know why he gave it to you early though.