Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I told her he cheats

97 replies

rahjama · 13/02/2022 22:03

Person I work with cheats on his girlfriend and mother of his child constantly. With someone else at work. They're always always doing things in the staff toilets/changing/room/break room and don't make an effort to hide it from anyone else who works there.

For slight context, I work in hospitality.

Mother of his child comes in today and we get talking innocently. She asks me about him and her, she knows something has gone on in the past. I didn't give any details but I said if he were my partner I wouldn't have it. I definitely suggested that things went on. He has previous for cheating on her and I have known for ages that this was going on and felt so guilty so I felt relieved that she knew.

I still do feel like I've done the right thing. She ended it with him on the spot. He was working at the time, she dragged him outside and confronted him. Complete disaster after that. He walked out, everyone was stressed.

Only one person is backing me up and saying I did the right thing. I didn't walk into work today with the intentions of telling her, I didn't even know she would come in. I just answered the questions she asked me because I was not prepared to lie for someone who was doing something I thought to be wrong.

Feeling really shitty about myself. The guy in question isn't speaking to me, neither is 3 other members of staff who said I got involved unnecessarily. I didn't mean to get myself involved.

Just feeling really awkward, uncomfortable and definitely second guessing my judgement about whether or not I should've just kept my mouth shut because like everyone keeps reminding me, it's none of my business.

OP posts:
PrinnyPree · 13/02/2022 22:40

Fuck that, tell him I'm not fucking lying for you, clean up your own shit you fucking sloppy dicked twat and stop putting your colleagues in a shitty situation where they have to lie for you.

Also tell your manager if they start giving you shit, and if you start getting bullied and your manager doesn't nip it in the bud I'm fairly sure you've got a constructive dismissal case. X

Good for you OP. X

cuno · 13/02/2022 22:40

@Hoppinggreen

I was asking a question not “ making shit up” Aren’t you a charmer?
The OP made it more than abundantly clear she was not the other woman. You asked "am I right in thinking" showing you jumped to the wrong conclusion and then sarcastically asked about it. It wasn't a genuine question and you know it. The "charmer" here is you thinking the OP is the other woman and lying about it to us!
Chestofdraws · 13/02/2022 22:41

No I’d not have done this either. You will likely need to find new employment. As wrong as it is, that’s the situation. Personally I’d have said I don’t want to be involved, ask him. I don’t think it was your place to get involved in their shit show of a relationship.

On here you’d be a hero though, and I suspect you knew that. In real life. No, not so much.

Catcrazy83 · 13/02/2022 22:43

It’s not like you went out of your way to find this woman on social media todo the right thing, which as a stranger would be on the side of ‘none of your business’ she looked you in the face and asked you a question. I don’t blame you for not lying for him. Why should you, he’s a twat and the woman deserved to know.

Original poster
rahjama · 13/02/2022 22:43

@Hoppinggreen

Am I right in thinking you had a thing with him? If so then was it revenge?
Errrrrmmm definitely not

What an odd thing to say

OP posts:
Toucan123 · 13/02/2022 22:46

It wasn't your fault you were put in this position OP and I'm sure you'd rather not have been involved at all. Why should you have to lie? You've done the right thing and your colleagues are really spineless. They shouldn't be making you feel bad for giving truthful answers to questions you were asked.

Chestofdraws · 13/02/2022 22:47

I don’t blame you for not lying for him. Why should you

Becayse he has a history of cheating and she takes him back, because rhe op wasn’t the only person she asked and they all stayed out of it, because his relationship is none of her business, because she likely will need to find another job. She didn’t have to lie. She just had to say I don’t want to be involved and walk away.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 13/02/2022 22:47

@Hoppinggreen How did you deduce that from the OP's posts? Very weird.

@rahjama - you did EACTLY the right thing. The other enablers are pathetic with no backbone. No wonder they are not talking to you, you have showed you have morals and they dont

Twizbe · 13/02/2022 22:51

I'd have kept out of it. Not my circus and not my monkeys.

I'd have avoided the question, made my excuses and left.

Mummy1608 · 13/02/2022 22:54

@Wigglegiggle0520
*What an odd post. Good to see women supporting women is alive and well!

Discretion is towards clients I assume? Not colleagues where their partner is a likely victim of domestic abuse? And with a child involved in the relationship.

What else are you taught to turn a blind eye to in hospitality? Sex trafficking? Child abuse?*

Wow wtf, you are being quite aggressive towards me and implying, what, that I would condone child abuse, domestic abuse, sex trafficking???!!! Erm, no wtf! When did any of those things feature in the op?

My message did cross post with one from the op where she called him "aggressive", but check the timings, I couldn't have read that before posting mine. Yeah, aggressive is bad. We don't think he's a sex trafficker though wtf?

Mummy1608 · 13/02/2022 22:55

(Whew I think that's enough mumsnet for me today. I seem to be accused of condoning sex trafficking whatever next.)

whynotwhatknot · 13/02/2022 22:57

Hes a dick and you did the rigt thing she needed to know

if theyre doing things at work id report that aswell-unprofessional

CJsGoldfish · 13/02/2022 22:58

I am not the other woman btw
Did you want to be and were rejected by any chance?

There is something 'not quite as innocent' as you are presenting yourself coming across here. Not that you'd be able to admit it, of course

Original poster
rahjama · 13/02/2022 22:59

@CJsGoldfish

I am not the other woman btw Did you want to be and were rejected by any chance?

There is something 'not quite as innocent' as you are presenting yourself coming across here. Not that you'd be able to admit it, of course

Did I want to be ???? No absolutely not

Insulted actually. There was no ulterior motive

OP posts:
cuno · 13/02/2022 23:01

@CJsGoldfish

I am not the other woman btw Did you want to be and were rejected by any chance?

There is something 'not quite as innocent' as you are presenting yourself coming across here. Not that you'd be able to admit it, of course

Nasty and uncalled for. Does everything you do have to have an ulterior motive?!
MusicByTheLake · 13/02/2022 23:03

There is something 'not quite as innocent' as you are presenting yourself coming across here. Not that you'd be able to admit it, of course

I’ve certainly read threads like that before but I am not getting that impression from the OP.

OrlandointheWilderness · 13/02/2022 23:04

God, on behalf of me in 2005, thank you so much. So so much. There is nothing worse than the doubt.

christingle2 · 13/02/2022 23:06

I just think in life you always have weigh up the benefits and drawbacks when it comes to colleagues

If this woman was my friend, I would probably feel differently, but she’s just your colleague’s partner. I wouldn’t think it’s my place to answer anything she asked me. It has nothing to do with you and she is in the wrong for placing you in an awkward situation at work. Regardless of your intentions, by answering you have now inserted yourself into drama and set off an argument between them at work etc.

Sometimes when you’re at work, you just have to remain professional at all times and not allow yourself to get sidetracked in non-work matters. If the couple are being unprofessional at work, you should have reported it to management or HR vs discussing it with the partner whilst you were supposed to be working

Suzanne999 · 13/02/2022 23:06

You were put in a difficult situation & did the right thing. You could hardly cover for him by lying to his gf could you?
For now I’d go about your job as if nothing’s happened. It is between the cheating bloke and his gf now, no one else.
And they’ll all have something else to gossip about by the end of the week.

BOOTS52 · 13/02/2022 23:06

You did the right thing as she already had her suspicions and no one else had the guts to stand up to him. Do not be intimidated by him or their friends and if so report them as he should not be doing what he is doing with other members of staff at work. Tell them they are all a bunch of hypocrites and you done nothing wrong. Shocking so many say they would not tell the woman if asked. I would want to know if it was me in that situation. Hope he does not worm his way back with her. Don't lose any sleep over it as you are a good person and he is the crappy cheating pig.

DiddyHeck · 13/02/2022 23:10

This is like a mirror image of the threads a MNetter keeps starting about visiting her boyfriend at work (pub/restaurant), and she's sure he's carrying on with a member of staff so she keeps popping in all the time. I wonder if the guy in the OP is that woman's boyfriend? It's a small world as they say.

Original poster
rahjama · 13/02/2022 23:10

@DiddyHeck

This is like a mirror image of the threads a MNetter keeps starting about visiting her boyfriend at work (pub/restaurant), and she's sure he's carrying on with a member of staff so she keeps popping in all the time. I wonder if the guy in the OP is that woman's boyfriend? It's a small world as they say.
Can you tag the thread for me ?
OP posts:
T00Ts · 13/02/2022 23:15

Some weird replies on here. Confused

I think you did the right thing OP. But I’d look for a new job as no one is going to thank you and work is going to be shit.

thenewduchessoflapland · 13/02/2022 23:15

@rahjama

Definitely find another job:I worked somewhere like this (a pub restaurant) in my pre kids days and the drama was unbelievable.It was easier to ask who wasn't sleeping with another staff member and a couple of said shagging staff members were coupled up elsewhere;I once walked in on the head chef and a bar maid in the store room;he had a partner and a kid.

T00Ts · 13/02/2022 23:18

@DiddyHeck

This is like a mirror image of the threads a MNetter keeps starting about visiting her boyfriend at work (pub/restaurant), and she's sure he's carrying on with a member of staff so she keeps popping in all the time. I wonder if the guy in the OP is that woman's boyfriend? It's a small world as they say.
You’re quite right. Hospitality employs, after all, a tiny pool of people. Oh, wait…

What is happening on here?! Confused