Is life even worth it if you’re never been/going to be loved (in romantic way)?

[SoLoveless2022]

Would you be okey with that?

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I think so, yes. Romantic love as its often defined is massively over-rated.

How old are you? if you're young(ish), 20s/30s there's so much pressure on women to be in romantic relationships its very hard to see past the pressure society puts on you in this respect.

When you get to my age (50), you realise that while romantic relationships can give you a massive high, they very rarely live up to your expectations and often can hold you back in so many ways.

I don't regret all of my romantic relationships but I do regret the time and emotional energy I poured into them: there are so many more useful things I could have done with my time other than mooning around over useless and unworthy blokes.

I think being older helps get this into perspective and I understand it isn't that easy to see it in these terms when you're younger but I stand by what I said which is that only a tiny proportion of these relationships are worth the stress and hassle they cause.

Yes absolutely. Romantic love is only one type of love and not always long lasting. You can make an enormous difference in other people's lives by being a friend, family member, volunteer, inspiration etc... When it falls apart, it's your family and friends that you fall back on. Plus romantic love can be an illusion or just really heart breaking. I presume that you feel like you haven't been loved romanticly and won't be OP? Fill your life with other amazing experiences. Travel, meet wonderful friends, volunteer with people who really need help. And I would actually suggest reading the relationship boards here. They will put you right off having a partner

This is the most pathetic thing I have read on here, never expect validation for your existence from others. this is therapy 101, if you live your life in that way your dooming yourself to misery in or outside of a relationship.

its no one elses job to validate you or make you happy.

You don't have to be okay with every part of life for life itself to be worth it. Loneliness is a heavy burden but there is happiness to be found in just "being".

If I may recommend my favourite poem - the Wild Geese by Mary Oliver....

"No matter who you are, no matter how lonely the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
calling you over and over announcing your place in the family of things"

I’m in my mid 30’s.

I do wonder if it’s just age that has given you perspective, or could it be the expirience itself?
I mean having been in a relationship and knowing it’s not all that.

Maybe I’m daydreaming about something that isin’t even real.

There are lots of types of love. Romantic love is only one of them. What people call romantic love is mostly projection, sexuality and psychological baggage. It’s intoxicating but it’s only one type of life experience there are many others that are worthwhile.

8Go sit on a cactus you miserable cow.

moo to you too, grow up.

Of course it's worth it! I'm 58. With the exception of one 2 year long relationship in the 1980's - I am a lifetime single.
There is so much need in the world. So many ways to be of service to others.
You have value all by yourself. Your importance and value are not given to you by some other human. You matter to the world as a single soul.

But, I hear you - that mid-30s age range is very hard for single people. Make your life interesting to yourself.

Being in love and having a loving companionship are two different things... I've been in love a few times and it's been heady and sometimes destructive like it is in rock songs. But now I've got a good domestic relationship with my dh who I love (and I suppose I was once in love with and still fancy etc).

Man (or woman) can't live on bread alone. But also man can't live on macaroons alone which is what being in love is like.

In short, yanbu. I'm glad I've had my experiences even if some of them have been damaging.

But also, I think there's a sort of person who falls in love easily and it's not really good attributes. Reckless, impulsive, unrealistic, the type to have affairs, prone to addiction etc (I'm including myself broadly in this category). This might not be you and you aren't missing out cos it can be messy.

The sort of person who can have mutually respectful companionship is more sensible, self restrained etc like my lovely dh. Maybe this is you op and you might find this if you want it.

I have a handful of family members/friends who have never been in a romantic relationship, and they are all living happy and fulfilled lives OP. Romantic relationships can cause happiness, but also loss, sadness and disappointment too.

Do you mind me asking why you don't think a romantic relationship could be a possibility? No need to share of course, unless you want to.

Yes I’d be fine with it.

of course it is. start looking out for other people and not just yourself

I'm 34 and have never had a boyfriend. To my knowledge I've never had any secret admirers either...so safe to say no one has ever 'romantically' loved me.

I'm OK with it tbh, I don't really think about it. There is more to life. So much more.

Relationships aren't all love and roses. You have this idea in your head based on something that isn't real maybe fairy-tales, films or how your friends present their relationships. Generally a romantic relationship is less about romance and more about compromise, tolerance and respect. If my husband left / died I wouldn't want another romantic relationship. I would be happy with the companionship of my friends and the occasional shag. I'm more than happy on my own.

I can see why this plays on your mind.

There is an infinite amount of pressure on women (not men) to be in rom rels.

Call out family and friends who are making you feel like this.

Avoid media giving these messages. They make rom coms, Romance novels etc to sell money not because it's good for you.

Read up on the history of romantic love. It was socially constructed. Most societies that have ever existed haven't recognised it.

@VelvetChairGirl

This is the most pathetic thing I have read on here, never expect validation for your existence from others. this is therapy 101, if you live your life in that way your dooming yourself to misery in or outside of a relationship.

its no one elses job to validate you or make you happy.

Well this is one of the meanest. How nasty do you have to be to post that.

No I wouldn’t be happy with a life like that.

@Somethingsnappy

Well, since I haven’t been in one so far, it’s just seems impossible at this point.
I guess I’ve just started to see it something that is never going to ”happen” / be me.

nothing mean about pointing out looking to others to validate your existence and happiness is a sure fire way to a miserable life, you cant burden another with such expectations or validate yourself via others.

you will drive people away expecting them to be responsible for your happiness or validate your worth, its unnecessary baggage and that kind of attitude leaves you open to abuse and exploitation too as if you cant validate yourself and create your own happiness you will have very poor boundaries with anyone you lump those expectations on to provide that happiness and validation.

Read up on the history of romantic love. It was socially constructed. Most societies that have ever existed haven't recognised it.

Oh, this sounds interesting!
Do you have any recommendations

Romance is for daydreams and 15 year olds IMO. As you get older you want someone for companionship and support, someone you can build something with, someone who's got your back. But it's hard work and messy and can be devastating, especially if you put your all into something and someone who you then find out isn't doing the same for you. At 45 now I wouldn't be in a rush to be in another relationship, especially not with a man. People generally are pretty selfish and self absorbed I find.

Absolutely. I have been married but I'm divorced now and have no desire to be in a committed relationship again, very overrated in my experience.