Is life even worth it if you’re never been/going to be loved (in romantic way)?

[SoLoveless2022]

Would you be okey with that?

@NeverChange

I get this, and I’ve done it.
I have learned to love myself.
I understand my title was pretty crap, I’ve just been really sad this weekend, but I’ve really have worked on self love and respect.
But it’s still lonely.
Not all the time.

And of course I don’t want bad or abusive relationship, who does?

@DrSbaitso
I did ask, you’re right.
Let’s hope (for my sake) you are wrong.

I've been married and divorced and wouldn't want another relationship. I'm more contented being single than I've ever been in any relationship.

It's very easy for those of us who know what we're missing or rather have rejected to tell you life is very much worth living if it doesn't involve romantic love but if you've never had the experience then of course you will wonder. We all know carefully curated Instagram relationships do not reflect real life but lots of people seem look at them and compare and despair.

If you are content as you are then get on with the business of making your life the way you want it to be, another person won't make you any happier although I would be able to understand it if you simply wanted to experience romantic love.

If my younger self had been less of a know it all and I could speak to her now I would strongly advise her not to bother with relationships they really are overrated.

I think life would be very hard without close, loving relationships. I don't think they have to be romantic/sexual relationships. I think they can be relationships with other friends/family. If my husband died now, or we separated, I would be happy to go the rest of my life without romantic/sexual love. However, I understand that it is very different for me to say that now, aged 50, with those kind of relationships behind me. I still think it is true, even if someone is younger and has never had such a relationship - but I think I would have found that very hard to accept at that stage.

There are lots of types of love. Whilst I am happy and think romantically attached to my DH. If I was say 70 and he died over time I might remarry for companionship.

I agree with other close relationships, but everyone else are really busy with their own families.

I’m never anyone’s first choice.
Or as important to them as they are to me.

@SoLoveless2022

Read up on the history of romantic love. It was socially constructed. Most societies that have ever existed haven't recognised it.

Oh, this sounds interesting!
Do you have any recommendations

I simply don't believe this. I've read enough ancient literature to know that there are references to romantic love throughout.

We are evolved pair bond as raising human children is such a resource intensive task.
You will also find throughout literature destitute single mothers unable to support themselves and their children and facing starvation.

@somanylies

By romance do you mean deep connection and care or sexual?

A lot times/people say romantic, when they just mean sexual.

Look into the eyes of your labrador and try asking yourself that again.

I've been in your shoes OP. I wondered if I would ever meet "the one", and it was very lonely. Like you, I had good friends but wasnt their top priority. I found Christmas and New Year especially difficult

As it happens, I did meet my Prince Charming. Another long term single friend remained single for a long time, but recently met someone. Another remains single, not through choice, but has a good life nonetheless

My top tip = don't settle. When you're lonely and would prefer not to be, there's a risk that you tolerate people not treating you as well as you deserve

@HourglassTigger

Look into the eyes of your labrador and try asking yourself that again.

Huh?

@notanothertakeaway

My top tip = don't settle.

Yeah, no worries about that!
I don’t even have that around me 😅

@UsedToWork

I think you’ve had some shocking responses here OP. People have been really unkind.

I was in a similar place. I met my DH at 33 and he was my first everything. I was so unhappy before I met him. I cried myself to sleep more nights than I could count.

I did question if life was worth it. The idea that you make yourself happy without any support from anyone else is just not how human beings work. You can think you are a decent, deserving human being but when you watch everyone else go through these experiences and you go home alone every night, it gets to you.

People also peddle this idea of the fabulous single aunt, jetting here and there and so wonderfully happy, but I certainly couldn’t afford that and neither did I want to go alone!

That isn’t to say that there aren’t some good things about living alone.

It is not a character flaw to want companionship and love and romance. I’m sorry you’ve been so unlucky and I hope it changes soon

Hi Usedtowork,

Feel free to answer or not but where did you meet your DH? And was it awkward explaining that he was your first in every sense? (I'm in a similar situation!).

@Onlyhereforthebiscuits

I'm 34 and have never had a boyfriend. To my knowledge I've never had any secret admirers either...so safe to say no one has ever 'romantically' loved me.

I'm OK with it tbh, I don't really think about it. There is more to life. So much more.

Do you really not think about it much OP? I'm a similar age, similar situation (I've dated and had interest but not been in a long term relationship) and it plays on my mind quite a lot! I do know there is more to life though!

For me usually what happens is when I'm single all I want is to find someone then once I'm in a relationship I just want to be alone again

I've never had reciprocated romantic love and I've still managed to live a fairly happy life.

I often dreamt of it, loved reading romantic novels and watching films but it just never happened for me. I've loved but not been loved back. That was excruciatingly painful.

The best love for me is that of my children. I have family I love who love me too.

I think so, yes. Romantic love as its often defined is massively over-rated. How old are you? if you're young(ish), 20s/30s there's so much pressure on women to be in romantic relationships its very hard to see past the pressure society puts on you in this respect. When you get to my age (50), you realise that while romantic relationships can give you a massive high, they very rarely live up to your expectations and often can hold you back in so many ways.

I'm the same age as the OP and I agree with all this. I'm married and he's a good one but in a sense It's really quite over rated. Female friendships and family bonds (mum and sisters so again female relationships) are what I really value most in my life if I'm honest. I was ALL about the boys in my younger years and had clearly soaked up too much Disney shite in my youth but If we divorce/I'm widowed i doubt I'd bother looking for another relationship with a man. Life definitely is worth it.

I'm in exactly the same boat as you OP. 35 and only been kissed once. Never had so much as a Valentines card.
I suppose what gets me through is trying to have some kind of cause or greater purpose to give my life some semblance of meaning. For me it's animal welfare. I dedicate myself to it as much as I can.
It's hard though when tv and movies never show stories of women being happy alone. Of course they don't, where's the drama and excitement in that?
I suppose this isn't really advice just stream of consciousness nonsense in the middle of the night, but you're not alone in feeling this way and sometimes that can help.

God the replies in here. 'I know how you feel, I was single once but then I met my DH and now I'm happy'. Or 'I had a relationship once but now I have my kids.' That is no where near knowing what it's like to always be alone, always overlooked, never knowing once what it was like to be fancied or to have feelings reciprocated. Our whole society is based around couples and families and if you're not one then it's alienating every single day. Is it worth living without love? Maybe, maybe not. But what's the alternative? Any amount of living is better than no living at all. It has to be.

Yes, of course.

I don't think any of my boyfriends have really loved me. One or two did a good job of pretending but on reflection I don't think so. But I have a wonderful son, a happy home, a good career, friends, family.

I look at my friends who are married and none of them seem any happier than me. They have to cope with lazy men, deceitful men, unfaithful men, bullies, ghastly in-laws.

So the romantic ideal of happy ever after doesn't look that great to me. Maybe in the few cases where it really works, it's wonderful but most people don't achieve that and there seem to be so many unhappy people who waste their lives fighting instead.

Happiness is much more important than romantic love.

@BrickingIt44

God the replies in here. 'I know how you feel, I was single once but then I met my DH and now I'm happy'. Or 'I had a relationship once but now I have my kids.' That is no where near knowing what it's like to always be alone, always overlooked, never knowing once what it was like to be fancied or to have feelings reciprocated. Our whole society is based around couples and families and if you're not one then it's alienating every single day. Is it worth living without love? Maybe, maybe not. But what's the alternative? Any amount of living is better than no living at all. It has to be.

Than you so much for this @BrickingIt44. I really don’t think anyone else understood what I asked. Thanks again.

Romantic love as its often defined is massively over-rated. How old are you? if you're young(ish), 20s/30s there's so much pressure on women to be in romantic relationships its very hard to see past the pressure society puts on you in this respect. When you get to my age (50), you realise that while romantic relationships can give you a massive high, they very rarely live up to your expectations and often can hold you back in so many ways

Agree with whoever said this

@CupOfNiceTea

Well that wasn't very nice, was it?

Wash out your mouth with soap.

@phishy

Why?
What did I say?