To find DH's inability to answer a question infuriating?

[AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit]

For example, today is my lie in and DH often takes toddler DS to the park or duck pond on a Sunday afternoon. Today it is lashing it down, leading to this conversation:

Me "The local museum is opening on a Sunday for half term. Shall we take DS as the weather's awful?"

DH "I hadn't thought about it"

Ten minute break for thinking

Me "So, do you fancy the museum"

DH "I really haven't thought about it"

Me "Well, is it something you need to think about? I thought it was something you'd either fancy or not without pondering for a period of time."

DH - complete silence for several minutes

Me "Well, it closes at 4 so we'll have to get up and out straight after DS's nap. Would you like to go?"

DH "I really haven't thought about it yet"

I'm working on the assumption we're not going and buggering off on my own, but why can't he just say yes or no?!

Clearly it’s a no but why doesn’t he just say that?

I recognise this.
I get "could do?"
Which is basically a "no, can't be arsed".

I think the "no, can't be arsed" is more honest.

I'd have just taken the child, let him know when you are leaving so he can come or not.

I thought mine was bad. Sometimes I have to put my foot down and tell mine answer yes or no now we haven't got all day. Yours takes the biscuit though.

Mine does that every now and then, that and "I don't know if I'd like it, I haven't tried it".

I started to go to whatever without him and refuse to discuss it when I got back. After a couple of times he stopped replying like that and asked questions, made his mind up properly.

I would not tolerate this. He's being deliberately evasive and it's weirdly controlling.

Mine does this when he doesn't want to go somewhere. I have started saying 'can you think about it right now please' and waiting for a yes or no. It's nearly always no. I'm really don't know why he doesn't just say no in the first place because he does to lots of other things.

My husband never answers a question directly...talk about long winded replies!

God I'd just say well think about it then! How frustrating

Why haven't you had the conversation? Did you know that you say : "I really haven't thought about it", quite a lot?
I find it quite irritating, especially when I actually need a definitive yes or no answer. Could you try not to?

Me "So, do you fancy the museum"

DH "I really haven't thought about it"

Me "Ok so can you think about it now then and give me an answer please, I want to organise my day"

and stand/sit there looking at him waiting for the answer

I think he doesn't want to look like the bad guy and give you a flat out "no" but no is indeed what he's trying to say?

This style of (non)communication would drive me nuts!

I'd reply that you've given him plenty of time to think, you're going with DC anyway and it's entirely up to him if he joins you or not.

Then go.

Do it back to him.

What's for dinner - I haven't really thought about it.

I would assume he doesn't want to but doesn't want to say no. In which case I would reassure "it's fine if you say no. I need to know to plan my day". If he still wants to "think" then let him know what time you're leaving and if he wants to come he can. Some people need longer to get their head around last minute plans.

DH asked me if I wanted to take ds to the local aquarium today for similar reasons, I did not, we've been a million times before (annual pass), I'm tired, don't feel well and have almost no voice at the moment. So I just said I don't feel well enough to go out but you take him if you like, he said yes I will, do you want anything while we're out? He then made a packed lunch for DS while I went back to bed, picked up a few things we needed in town and they are now at the aquarium.
If he doesn't want to go he just needs to say that.

I have tried all these things! About six months ago we had a blazing row about this when he said he wanted to think about it to work out what the right answer was (i.e. what I want him to say), he just couldn't accept that the right answer was his opinion. So therefore "I can't be arsed" or "no" is the right answer.

Just a complete logic breakdown. But however much I know I need to just carry on and make my own plans, it still drives me utterly batshit.

Is this not just a tactic so you take DC on your own and he gets the afternoon off to sit around in his pants and scratch his arse?

Do you ever get time alone to sit around and scratch your arse? If not, I'd be replying with something like "I'll take that as a no... So I'm going to pop to the shops/gym/whatever and leave dc here with you if that's ok?"

Or just change your whole approach and tell him what you'd like to do - "its miserable outside, after dc's nap, lets get going to the museum. We need to be out of the door by 2pm as it closes at 4pm".

My DH struggles to answer questions too, but in a different way...
me: Will you be home for dinner tonight?
him: Ah, well, I have that project due in tomorrow...
me: ok, its fine if you need to work late, but will you be home for dinner tonight?

He answers the question he thinks I am asking, not the question I am actually answering. Drives me potty.

It is a sign of a narcissist - as they can gain power by keeping you guessing. Obviously just one feature in a whole list - does he display other narcissistic behaviours?

I would have just said. I am taking ds to the museum. I'll leave after he wakes from his nap. You are welcome to join us and then just got on with the plan.

Just as bad as my partner who answers a question with a question drives me mad. Indecisive.

Me: do you want sugar in your tea?

Him: what we having?

Me: tea do you want sugar?

Him: what are you having?

Argh!! Just tell me .

I do this. It means I think I would like to go but that means summoning up the energy to get lunch, sort out what we need to take, book tickets, drive there and park etc. if I am not quite in the zone yet then I will be non committal until I am ready. Often my DH will just say we are doing it and somehow I find i am ready and out the door without having to think too much! I suspect I just want someone to decide for me sometimes because I get fed up deciding stuff all the time.

@WallaceinAnderland

Do it back to him.

What's for dinner - I haven't really thought about it.

This.

He sounds dim.

@AllTheUsernamesLeftAreShit

I have tried all these things! About six months ago we had a blazing row about this when he said he wanted to think about it to work out what the right answer was (i.e. what I want him to say), he just couldn't accept that the right answer was his opinion. So therefore "I can't be arsed" or "no" is the right answer.

Just a complete logic breakdown. But however much I know I need to just carry on and make my own plans, it still drives me utterly batshit.

It’s pretty obvious in this example that you DO want to go to the museum- you’d hardly have suggested it if you loathed the idea.

If he is always like this I’d suggest that after the first ‘I don’t know I haven’t thought about it’ you say, ‘ok, I’m going to ask you again in ten minutes so please can you think now?’ After that I’d be putting the toddlers coat on and going without him.

I’d go out on my own then. No kids and no husband.

“I’ve thought about it and made my decision, see you later Aristotle”

YANBU OP! My god that sounds absolutely maddening!