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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband wouldn't let me use screwdriver!

97 replies

TheCountessOfGrantham · 12/02/2022 15:48

I asked DH for a screwdriver as I was testing some toys before deciding whether to charity shop or skip them and needed to get to the batteries. He sighed, went under the stairs (where his tools are) produced the screwdriver and then came over and started to unscrew the screws himself, on a toy I was holding with one hand. I said "I can do that, thanks, I didn't mean you had to" and he rolled his eyes and kept going, really awkwardly. I was sitting down on the floor and he was crouched over. When it was open, I tried to get the batteries out but before I'd so much as lifted one, he was prising them out with the screwdriver.

The toy worked and I reassembled the battery pack and went to screw it closed and DH held out his hand for the screwdriver and I said "what do you want?" He said "my screwdriver!"
I said that I wasn't finished with it yet and he said "would you just give it to me, please, because I can see this ending in disaster."

Wtf did he imagine? That I was going to stab myself through the hand?? I remarked that very little was going to go wrong with tightening some screws, that it wasn't my first time with a screwdriver and I'd managed to not maim myself or wreck a house with a screwdriver so far and he stared at me and repeated "would you just give it to me?" Confused

Aibu to think that he should have just given me the screwdriver and had some faith that I, a woman he has observed using basic hand tools successfully, could have been trusted? Aibu to be feeling a bit prickly over the weird hint of 1950s misogyny?

OP posts:
Heartburnkillingme · 12/02/2022 15:49

Yanbu is he always such a prick?

Cheekypeach · 12/02/2022 15:50

But your own. A bigger, better one, with lots of attachments.

Sally2791 · 12/02/2022 15:51

He’s an absolute arrogant twat. Does he have form for this behaviour? Doesn’t sound like the first offence

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 12/02/2022 15:51

He sounds both misogynistic and rude. The only reason this might not be the case is of you have form for losing his tools. I have my own set with a distinctive pattern on the handles because DH used to say it was me who lost tools (I had my own set when he moved in) , I knew it was him. Now I only use my patterned set, he uses the others, funnily my set is always intact and he's always rooting around for something he can't find....

IncompleteSenten · 12/02/2022 15:51

Yan u
Buy yourself some amazing tools and keep them in a locked box that he's not allowed to touch. 😁

sweatervest · 12/02/2022 15:52

he sounds mean.
i've been on the receiving end of similar. gets my back right up and i get stressed out defending myself. plus it's exhausting and horrible and there's nothing positive to say about it.

BamberGascoine · 12/02/2022 15:52

He sounds like an arse. Is this representative of your life with him?

XiCi · 12/02/2022 15:52

Wow. He sounds a right twat. What else does he think you're incapable of? I'm sure his twattery isn't confined to just the use of his screwdriver

eosmum · 12/02/2022 15:52

Get your own tools, make sure they are pink and sparkly though so only wimmen can use them. You husband is a twat BTW.

TheCountessOfGrantham · 12/02/2022 15:53

He's not usually like this, no. He's been really arsey and picky recently!

OP posts:
Ariela · 12/02/2022 15:55

Nah, just delegate. Not worth quibbling over. I now don't do a lot of messy DIY jobs, so much easier to delegate.

TheCountessOfGrantham · 12/02/2022 15:57

He can be really unpleasant if he feels someone has wronged him- he will ignore or avoid them for days even if he's wrong. He has ADHD but I don't find it a fair excuse for that. He's never been possessive over tools though. I'm not sure what it was about the screwdriver that was an issue, unless he's still pissed off that I lent our son a big (unused) magnet of his that DS then lost. Accidentally, obviously. But that was recently. So maybe he's still being a moody wanker about that

OP posts:
elfycat · 12/02/2022 15:57

Buy your own tools. I had a full set before meeting DH. Over the years we've upgraded to naice ones he researched, but they are our tools not HIS. I'm quite capable of wielding a drill. The blow torch might be mine... for a hobby (metalwork stuff so not a cute little dessert one) or it might have merged into joint ownership by now.

Balula · 12/02/2022 15:57

I couldn't drop this if it were me. I'd need to sit him down and ask him what on earth was going through his head!

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 15:58

He’s a prick. Next time just get the tools yourself.

NewYearCalavicci · 12/02/2022 15:58

What a prat

elfycat · 12/02/2022 15:59

The sledgehammer, pickaxe and crow bar are mine... i got very worried looks of people in B&Q that day... but the concrete path wasn't going to lift itself.

WheresYourSnickers · 12/02/2022 15:59

I think I would have laughed if DH wouldn't let me use a screwdriver!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/02/2022 16:04

Its a screwdriver not a chainsaw. I've passed a screwdriver to DDs from toddlerhood to try to screw something without disaster (as has DH).
My whole Cub pack used screwdrivers last week. It took approximately 5 seconds of explanation, and that was the Right-Tight Left-loose thing.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 12/02/2022 16:07

To clarify... women can use chainsaws. I meant its a tool that you can learn to use without trouble. A chainsaw requires more safety advice.

Peas252 · 12/02/2022 16:14

@Cheekypeach

But your own. A bigger, better one, with lots of attachments.
Are you still talking about a screwdriver?
justasking111 · 12/02/2022 16:20

I bought my own tools all his are in the garage. No arguments whenever he mislays his 😃😃

catfunk · 12/02/2022 16:23

I'd be telling him if he was so mean and disrespectful to me again the marriage is over. Absolutely do not put up with this.

SomeOwlsCoo · 12/02/2022 16:25

Id have stabbed him in the eye and then finished the job. What a misogynistic twat.

Mysterian · 12/02/2022 16:26

Probably wasn't a pink one and was worried your boobs would fall off.

Get you own slightly better ones.

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