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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wouldn't let me use screwdriver!

97 replies

TheCountessOfGrantham · 12/02/2022 15:48

I asked DH for a screwdriver as I was testing some toys before deciding whether to charity shop or skip them and needed to get to the batteries. He sighed, went under the stairs (where his tools are) produced the screwdriver and then came over and started to unscrew the screws himself, on a toy I was holding with one hand. I said "I can do that, thanks, I didn't mean you had to" and he rolled his eyes and kept going, really awkwardly. I was sitting down on the floor and he was crouched over. When it was open, I tried to get the batteries out but before I'd so much as lifted one, he was prising them out with the screwdriver.

The toy worked and I reassembled the battery pack and went to screw it closed and DH held out his hand for the screwdriver and I said "what do you want?" He said "my screwdriver!"
I said that I wasn't finished with it yet and he said "would you just give it to me, please, because I can see this ending in disaster."

Wtf did he imagine? That I was going to stab myself through the hand?? I remarked that very little was going to go wrong with tightening some screws, that it wasn't my first time with a screwdriver and I'd managed to not maim myself or wreck a house with a screwdriver so far and he stared at me and repeated "would you just give it to me?" Confused

Aibu to think that he should have just given me the screwdriver and had some faith that I, a woman he has observed using basic hand tools successfully, could have been trusted? Aibu to be feeling a bit prickly over the weird hint of 1950s misogyny?

OP posts:
PostThenGhost · 12/02/2022 16:27

Get one of these. DH has all his tools in his garage but my little set of tools is so handy even he uses them (for little things) instead of traipsing out to the garage to get his tools.
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B009FV2FJ4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

DiscoBadgers · 12/02/2022 16:27

Well, that all depends- I’m like this with DH, but that’s because for the first 2 years after we had DS he insisted he knew what he was doing re toy assembly and broke or damaged every single bloody one. Do you have form for toy destruction?

disconnected1 · 12/02/2022 16:28

He obviously thinks you'd be unable to work a screwdriver not having a penis Confused

PunsDontKillPeople · 12/02/2022 16:30

I'm like this with DP, but that's because every single tool of mine that I've ever let him touch has been absent mindedly pocketed and ended up in his stupid messy shed Angry But unless you have a reputation for doing the same, your DP was being an arse.

girafferafferaffe · 12/02/2022 16:37

Ah I didn't realise screwdrivers were operated by the genitalia! Have I been doing it wrong this whole time??

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2022 16:42

I said that I wasn't finished with it yet and he said "would you just give it to me, please, because I can see this ending in disaster."

I would be so fucking enraged by this I think the roof of my house would blow off. My husband wouldn't even dream of treating me that way. Who does your husband think he is?

You should not have allowed him to get away with this shit.

Arabellla · 12/02/2022 16:48

He’s a knob, but why didn’t you just get the screwdriver yourself?

girlmom21 · 12/02/2022 16:49

Just get the screwdriver yourself and do what you want to do and don't involve him, surely?

VelvetChairGirl · 12/02/2022 16:49

He sounds like a twat, I have always done all the DIY myself and built my own PCs etc, I own all my own tools and a lovely electric screwdriver that is the envy of my brother as they don't make them like that anymore.

tell him he is a twat and not to pries batteries out of things with screwdrivers that will fuck them up.

there is nothing remotely dangerous about batteries with the exception of some old lithium's were that kind of behaviour may lead to a ruptured cell.

go buy yourself a nice screwdriver set and fuck him

TheatreKilledTheMovieStar · 12/02/2022 16:52

No Countess should wield a screwdriver. What is the world coming to.

WonderfulYou · 12/02/2022 16:53

YANBU this would really piss me off!
Surely they are both of your tools.

Maybe he was annoyed you asked him for one instead of just getting up and getting it yourself??

I would have had to call him out on it.
You say he’s been acting off recently so I’d be trying to get to the bottom of this.

Greydogs123 · 12/02/2022 16:56

My partner bought me a whole tool bag! His tools are all work ones and are often in his car with him, so he bought me all the things I might need for tinkering. I found that very thoughtful.

DeadButDelicious · 12/02/2022 17:02

That's a whole heap of nope right there. Who the fuck does he think he is? I would be making myself absolutely clear that I would not be spoken to like that again. Arsey wanker. Angry

Acorndetector · 12/02/2022 17:10

My DH goes a bit weird in DIY shops and spends a fortune buying power tools. That man would not know one end of a screw driver from another. It is me that uses them all.

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2022 17:14

Magnet man again? Why are you still with this prick

sanbeiji · 12/02/2022 17:15

If he's not usually like his he seems to be trying to punish you, PA, for something ekse.

billy1966 · 12/02/2022 17:17

He sounds like a deeply unpleasant, disrespectful twat.

Not nice to be around.Flowers

Hopefulsunrise · 12/02/2022 17:30

Just buy your own. Men and their tools are a thing. It's not a big deal.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 12/02/2022 17:30

@Cheekypeach

But your own. A bigger, better one, with lots of attachments.
…and have it monogrammed with your initials.
godmum56 · 12/02/2022 17:30

@Ariela

Nah, just delegate. Not worth quibbling over. I now don't do a lot of messy DIY jobs, so much easier to delegate.
yup, if he is going to be arsey, hand him over the job, and settle down with a coffee. When he is finished tell him what you want him to do next.....then rent him out :)
CantGetDecentNickname · 12/02/2022 17:32

Yes, he's being a twat, but you could make the most of this situation. Got a cupboard door that needs rehanging, or a tap washer that needs replacing, or a picture to go on a wall? Ask him where the tools are for the job and describe what you are going to do and then sit back with a nice Wine while he rushes around doing the DIY instead.

godmum56 · 12/02/2022 17:33

@Greydogs123

My partner bought me a whole tool bag! His tools are all work ones and are often in his car with him, so he bought me all the things I might need for tinkering. I found that very thoughtful.
yup. MY late DH used to buy me tools too AND the most fabulous penknives and multi tools. He never minded if I used his though....except the circular saw....he said he liked me with all my fingers Grin
ErrolTheDragon · 12/02/2022 17:34

YANBU- how very weird.

Get a few tools of your own.

TowandaForever · 12/02/2022 17:35

You can buy screwdrivers in Poundland.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/02/2022 17:37

Is he normally a boring, sexist, patronising dickhead, or was this a surprise one off?