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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wouldn't let me use screwdriver!

97 replies

TheCountessOfGrantham · 12/02/2022 15:48

I asked DH for a screwdriver as I was testing some toys before deciding whether to charity shop or skip them and needed to get to the batteries. He sighed, went under the stairs (where his tools are) produced the screwdriver and then came over and started to unscrew the screws himself, on a toy I was holding with one hand. I said "I can do that, thanks, I didn't mean you had to" and he rolled his eyes and kept going, really awkwardly. I was sitting down on the floor and he was crouched over. When it was open, I tried to get the batteries out but before I'd so much as lifted one, he was prising them out with the screwdriver.

The toy worked and I reassembled the battery pack and went to screw it closed and DH held out his hand for the screwdriver and I said "what do you want?" He said "my screwdriver!"
I said that I wasn't finished with it yet and he said "would you just give it to me, please, because I can see this ending in disaster."

Wtf did he imagine? That I was going to stab myself through the hand?? I remarked that very little was going to go wrong with tightening some screws, that it wasn't my first time with a screwdriver and I'd managed to not maim myself or wreck a house with a screwdriver so far and he stared at me and repeated "would you just give it to me?" Confused

Aibu to think that he should have just given me the screwdriver and had some faith that I, a woman he has observed using basic hand tools successfully, could have been trusted? Aibu to be feeling a bit prickly over the weird hint of 1950s misogyny?

OP posts:
Winday · 12/02/2022 19:58

What strange behaviour, a screwdriver hardly takes mucb skill to use. I'd get an electric screwdriver of your own, but ban him from using it.

RagzRebooted · 12/02/2022 20:15

He's being a prat. I got a toolbox of my own very early on in our relationship, it's still going but DH broke one of my drill bits, so he isn't allowed to use it any more. I hung all our pictures and assembled a lot of the furniture.

I do however have form for starting a DIY/decorating job purely so that he will take over, because he's better at them than I am (stronger hands and used to be a decorator) but if I ask him to do it it doesn't get done. I just start doing it and wait for him to take over Blush

TheApexOfMyLife · 12/02/2022 21:08

@girlmom21 really?

I mean DH is protective of ‘his’ tools. I am careful to alway out them back exactly where I found them.
However, I would have an issue with him not ‘letting me’ using his power tools.
For a start, they are OURS (or should be really).
But also I’m pretty capable to use a drill etc… wo damaging anything. The issue with DH being uneasy was basically because he couldn’t trust ME, a woman, to use something like that. He was out back at his place pretty sharp.
(See the fact he would have had no issue letting one of his male friends using them…).

TheApexOfMyLife · 12/02/2022 21:11

You see the stuff about breaking a drill bit.
It happens. Even with the best DIYer, it happens. You make a mistake, it was old whatever. I’ve seen DH breaking a few and he is actually good at DIY.

I wouldn’t assume someone can’t be trusted because of that.

If you were talking about replacing a radiator, doing some electricity in the house, replacing a whole boiler, all of which require some technical knowledge, then fair enough.
But the OP is talking about a screwdriver to remove batteries from a toy?!?

Kdubs1981 · 12/02/2022 21:11

He's a prick. Be like me - get your own tools. Don't let him use them

Nat6999 · 12/02/2022 21:40

I'm an electrician's daughter & he made sure I knew how to use tools, especially a screwdriver. I can build flat pack furniture, strip down & rebuild a hoover, change a fuse & wire a plug if needed.

Nat6999 · 12/02/2022 21:48

I've got my own screwdrivers, a cordless drill & screwdriver bits, hammer & Hex Keys, exh even sat & watched me build a set of bunk beds at his house because he didn't know where to start & I had already built a mid sleeper from the same range for ds.

Mistymountain · 12/02/2022 22:19

I remember you're other thread - it's definitely about the magnet

alfagirl73 · 12/02/2022 22:19

I've got all kinds of tools, screwdrivers, power drills etc... and am more than comfortable using them. If any man suggested that I was not capable of using a screwdriver, they'd find said screwdriver where they didn't want it!

Seriously though - PLEASE buy yourself a seriously good screwdriver (attachments the lot!), and some other tools - and a fantastic toolbox - and find something to do that requires use of them while he has to look on knowing he cannot touch your tools!

I love a good tool box and proper DIY tools... I'm not an expert by any stretch but I certainly don't need a man to do simple maintenance around the house etc. My dad taught me how to use tools from quite young and I could change a plug by the time I was about 9 or 10. I've assembled endless furniture pieces.

RussiasGreatestLoveMachine · 12/02/2022 22:22

and he stared at me and repeated "would you just give it to me?" Confused

Please tell me you didn’t give it to him.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 12/02/2022 22:37

Unless he displays James May levels of obsessive tool love and care, YABU not to have laughed in his face and sent him packing back to the 50s there and then. If he is James May, you're being unreasonable to expect anything different - he doesn't hide his love of screwdrivers...

Your DP is being a total tool, anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/02/2022 22:41

@junglejane66

If it was a power tool I would have understood, but a screwdriver?
What? A mere woman can't use a power tool? Give me a break.
jessyjo2 · 13/02/2022 01:26

U can buy really girly pink tools, that would b an investment!

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 02:34

Get yourself a Draper 03266 6 Piece Jewellers Screwdriver Set. It's about the most useful thing I've ever owned (and they are pretty colours too!!)

alexdgr8 · 13/02/2022 02:43

i don't quite understand what you were doing with the toys/batteries.
were you removing the batteries prior to donating to a charity shop?
and what happened with the magnet, what kind of magnet, how old is your son and what did he want it for ?

timeisnotaline · 13/02/2022 03:07

@alexdgr8

i don't quite understand what you were doing with the toys/batteries. were you removing the batteries prior to donating to a charity shop? and what happened with the magnet, what kind of magnet, how old is your son and what did he want it for ?
She was deciding whether they were charity or skip material and understandably planning on removing the batteries to dispose of properly if the toys were going in the skip. His behaviour is a bit nuts op. What are you going to do about it? In the conversation you should also say he’s been grumpy for weeks but this is the last straw, does he genuinely not trust you with a screwdriver or is it just being a maddeningly grumpy sod nobody would choose to live with about everything?
girlmom21 · 13/02/2022 07:52

@TheApexOfMyLife he wouldn't have an issue with me using them. I have done plenty of times. But they're his. He's had them as gifts on birthdays etc. he enjoys using them.

Like I said, I'd much rather I drive my own car than let him drive it, but if he needs to use it he's perfectly welcome to.

lljkk · 13/02/2022 07:57

mmmm... I dunno, ppl are funny about nice tools. I get it. I could get twitchy when DH reaches for my 15mm spanner - actually I ended up buying 5 spares because I could never find one when I needed it. Kept migrating into event bags and so on.

So he was being U but if it's isolated behaviour, not worth making into an issue, find work arounds.

Weenurse · 13/02/2022 08:03

I have my own tool kit.
It is pink.
DD1 has borrowed it to use at her place.
Time for a pink tool kit

GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal · 13/02/2022 08:22

I bought my own screwdriver because my otherwise lovely DH has form for this kind of nonsense. I put it in a kitchen drawer so it would be handy when I needed it - which was fairly frequently as the DC had a lot of battery operated toys at the time, and it was me who was usually around when the batteries needed changing.

He found it and put it in his tool box! Because "that's where the tools go"!

We ended up having a bit of a row about it, but I got my screwdriver back and he's not touched it since.

Although now I think about it, he's still got my hammer and my picture-hanging kit...Hmm

GoldenFondue · 13/02/2022 08:40

It wasn't a weird hint though was it, it was outright and blatant. I'd be rummaging in that toolbox at every opportunity now and leaving the tools lying about, and I'd probably bin a few just for good passive aggressive measure.

DropYourSword · 13/02/2022 08:53

@GoldenFondue

It wasn't a weird hint though was it, it was outright and blatant. I'd be rummaging in that toolbox at every opportunity now and leaving the tools lying about, and I'd probably bin a few just for good passive aggressive measure.
Yes, that's the perfectly adult way to deal with something like this Confused
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