Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding ideas

67 replies

Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 14:56

AIBU in thinking this is a good idea? Would you like to attend? What else haven't I thought of?

Both my DP and I have been married before. We have adult children separately and a DD together.

We were thinking we would get married in the Register Office. Would it matter to you if you didn't attend? We were thinking of just going ourselves with the staff as witnesses.

Then a couple of days later having a party. We have a tiny house BUT access to acres of land and a large garden. Our plan was to have a pig roast and salads etc. We would provide this. And other dishes in case of vegetarians.
Then ask people to bring their own booze in lieu of presents? Is this acceptable?
We would have a marquee - not a posh one - in case of rain.
And we would have portaloos a bit away in a field.
If people wish to camp they could.
Or there are holiday let's and a couple of hotels within 2 miles. A major tourist area.

Does this sound good or awful?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 14:57

It would be in late August/ early September.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 12/02/2022 15:01

I think if the weather holds it could be lovely, if it rains it would be horrible though.

The pig roast would put me right off, but if your friends/family are into that then I'm sure they'd enjoy it.

Lime37 · 12/02/2022 15:02

I think it sounds great but tell parents and kids first

SeasonFinale · 12/02/2022 15:05

Would the hotels etc nearby insist on more than a one night stay as it is peak season.

If you make sure that you phrase Invitation on date to celebrate the wedding of Moonflower and DP which will have taken place on date minus 2 days so people don't moan about there not being a wedding.

Sounds great to me.

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 15:06

@NuffSaidSam Why would a pig roast put you off? Genuinely asking as it might put others off too?

@Lime37 As in tell them we're getting married? Or ask them if they think it's a good idea to have this day?

OP posts:
poetryandwine · 12/02/2022 15:08

I wonder a bit how your DC will feel about this. I think the children of the bride and groom do have a special stake in the marriage and it would be sad if they felt excluded from something they cared about (your wedding). No one else matters.

Otherwise it sounds absolutely lovely - my kind of happy, relaxed party!

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 15:08

@SeasonFinale
Thank you. Good idea. We will word it to be : A party to celebrate our Wedding on .

OP posts:
Stressedout1009 · 12/02/2022 15:09

Sounds lovely, the only thing that would put me off is a pig roast. 🤢

NuffSaidSam · 12/02/2022 15:10

NuffSaidSam Why would a pig roast put you off? Genuinely asking as it might put others off too?

I've just never understood the attraction. I've never been to a party and thought, 'you know what would improve this?'...'a carcass on a spit'. It's gross. But, I appreciate other people do like them. Just not my vibe.

RhubarbAndMustard · 12/02/2022 15:10

I think it sounds fabulous, including the pig roast.

Honeyroar · 12/02/2022 15:10

I think it sounds nice. Easy. Stress free. But it’s a fair bit of work for you..

I’m veggie, so a hog roast wouldn’t be great for me. Even when I ate meat I found hog roasts quite dull at a party. For what you’d spend on a hog roast you could have a caterer do a pretty good buffet with much more selection for people.

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 15:11

I absolutely hate hog roasts. They are vile.

Then ask people to bring their own booze in lieu of presents? Is this acceptable? you can ask people to byob but not in lieu of presents. Don't mention the presents it's grabby.

toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 15:12

How many people will you be inviting? Will you have any entertainment/music?

Will most people know each other? What time are you inviting people to come?

We were invited to a wedding in a field a few years ago. The couple got married at the registry office earlier in the day (as you can't legally get married in a field in England). They encouraged camping, had a compost loo (not my favourite bit!), marquee, bring booze and a plate of food for the buffet. They did their own vows and there were some speeches, but it wasn't formal. Trestle tables in the marquee, afternoon tea when the speeches were done. Then plenty of food at the buffet. They also had music including live band (friends of the groom), and space you could dance in the marquee. Fire pit in the evening

It was lovely and relaxed. Women wore wellies rather than high heels! It did rain in part of the day, but we all stayed dry in the marquee.

We are being invited to another wedding this year, which is similar but no marquee, limited food, no entertainment. Not looking forward to it as much as I did the other one

Stressedout1009 · 12/02/2022 15:21

@NuffSaidSam

NuffSaidSam Why would a pig roast put you off? Genuinely asking as it might put others off too?

I've just never understood the attraction. I've never been to a party and thought, 'you know what would improve this?'...'a carcass on a spit'. It's gross. But, I appreciate other people do like them. Just not my vibe.

This. A whole animal a face roasting away, sorry to me that's just beyond off putting to me. I act actually don't know anyone who would do that today. Some do enjoy that but to me it's a No.
Scout2016 · 12/02/2022 15:27

I have been to a few things with pig roasts and found that the veggie options all got eaten by the meat eaters, leaving veggies hungry. Maybe that's because the carnivores weren't keen on the pig roast,or because the veggie options seemed like sides (pasta salads, wedges, tarts/ quiche) but my abiding memory is I was hungry, there was nothing to soak up the booze and no where nearby to get food from.
So make sure there is more than enough for veggies.
Otherwise fine.

Teeturtle · 12/02/2022 15:33

I wouldn’t say bring a bottle in lieu of presents, that is a bit presumptuous when you haven’t actually invited people to your wedding. Sounds like a nice event otherwise, I am pretty indifferent to the hog roast, never been to one before so it would be a bit different.

HW1989 · 12/02/2022 15:33

Sounds lovely to me

RealBecca · 12/02/2022 15:34

Sounds great!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 12/02/2022 15:36

It sounds good but I think you should provide the drinks, wine, beer and soft drinks.

Lindaloo08 · 12/02/2022 15:39

The day sounds perfect, not into hog roast, dont like the look and taste isnt much either for me. I'd rather a good bbq, either prof or friends who offer to help at these things.

The service, I'd do registry with your kids only and go for a family lunch/dinner after, i wouldn't like to miss my parents/wouldnt like my kids to miss mine.

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 15:54

Thank you all for your feedback. It is genuinely helpful. We will go with a substantial buffet/ bbq then. In fact that's easier.

I will ask the hotels about their number of nights required.

We won't have a compost loo! Grin

I was thinking to ask people to come for early afternoon onwards.

Nearly everyone will know each other or at least a good proportion of the others iyswim.

I was wondering about music/ entertainment? We have no neighbours at all to annoy. My DSon in law is a DJ. Should I ask him to help with some sort of thing?

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 15:57

I will find out from the grown up children their views on the ceremony- as to whether they'd want to be there etc. Parents are all dead. We are not in the first flush of youth!

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 12/02/2022 15:59

@Moonflower12 I suppose it depends on how many people you are inviting, and if you are inviting people to come from early afternoon, it might be nice to have some music in the evening

Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 15:59

We have a fire pit too. That's been popular when we've had big bbqs in the pre-Covid times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 16:01

@toomuchlaundry
It would be about 50 people. My son in law knows a lot of music people. He has his own band but it's a fairly niche genre. Punk metal.

OP posts: