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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding ideas

67 replies

Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 14:56

AIBU in thinking this is a good idea? Would you like to attend? What else haven't I thought of?

Both my DP and I have been married before. We have adult children separately and a DD together.

We were thinking we would get married in the Register Office. Would it matter to you if you didn't attend? We were thinking of just going ourselves with the staff as witnesses.

Then a couple of days later having a party. We have a tiny house BUT access to acres of land and a large garden. Our plan was to have a pig roast and salads etc. We would provide this. And other dishes in case of vegetarians.
Then ask people to bring their own booze in lieu of presents? Is this acceptable?
We would have a marquee - not a posh one - in case of rain.
And we would have portaloos a bit away in a field.
If people wish to camp they could.
Or there are holiday let's and a couple of hotels within 2 miles. A major tourist area.

Does this sound good or awful?

OP posts:

FuzzyPuffling · 12/02/2022 16:04

I'd hate a pig roast.
I think you should provide drinks.
You need a bad weather plan.

Otherwise it sounds fine to me.

VioletVesper · 12/02/2022 16:07

I think it sounds great OP! Maybe think about some heaters though too?

mumof2andstillsurviving · 12/02/2022 16:10

I went to a wedding similar to this, although they did the wedding bit In a church (which went to). Reception in a field, marquee, hog roast salads, and we camped in the field at the end of the night. It was fab

Theseleavesweremadeforcrunchin · 12/02/2022 16:11

Sounds great! And asking for BYOB isn't at all grabby in my opinion, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid at it.

HeyItsPickleRick · 12/02/2022 16:25

I would love that! Not so much the hog roast as I'm vegan 😅 but I think the party sounds great and I'd definitely bring booze in lieu of gifts.

Original poster

Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 16:27

Thank you everyone. You have been an amazing help.

OP posts:

zoopigi · 12/02/2022 16:42

Hog roast sounds fab.byob also great-dont mention presents at all. I think it sounds great, and would turn up and party enthusiasticly-but then I'm Greek so we ALWAYS have meat turning on a spit at our celebrations (wether it has a face or not!)

NeesAndToes · 12/02/2022 16:50

@Theseleavesweremadeforcrunchin

Sounds great! And asking for BYOB isn't at all grabby in my opinion, I wouldn't even bat an eyelid at it.

I don't think the byob is grabby at all just don't mention it's in lieu of presents. Never mention presents unless asked.

crj123 · 12/02/2022 16:50

Sounds bloody brilliant to me

CPGyellowwallpaper · 12/02/2022 16:54

Some friends of mine did very similar. They had a register office service with only immediate family and then a big party (although was the same day) with hog roast etc. It was fantastic.

Some people fins the idea of seeing the full pig on a stick a bit off putting but if you use a decent firm they will have it mostly out of sight somshouldnt be an issue.

LottyD32 · 12/02/2022 17:09

I wouldn't bother going if the wedding had already happened. I don't get why people do this.

TracyMosby · 12/02/2022 17:14

Glad youve decided against the hog roast. Awful things. And unavoidable to see.

If you want people to be in a field you need to entertain them. More than a dj. Can you hire a couple of bands to do slots as Well? End with the dj?

nocoolnamesleft · 12/02/2022 17:22

Love a hog roast. But portaloos are offputting...

LollyLol · 12/02/2022 17:28

I think this sounds a-maz-ing. I am 45 with kids. We would absolutely love to romp around at a late summer bbq; dance; bring our drinks instead of a gift (that would cheer me right up; I'd bring you a bottle of fizz too and be so relieved not to have to choose you a gift. And camping too?! Awesome. What a fab idea, hope you have an absolutely fantastic weekend.

Enzbear · 12/02/2022 17:39

I would provide the drinks but ditch the hog roast- awful.
I think it's ok if people ask you regards presents to then mention tht more alcohol for the party would be appreciated.
Definitely have a DJ.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/02/2022 17:43

I'd be relieved if I received an invitation like this (and what a refreshing change from some of the Bridezilla threads that usually appear on this site).

I like the idea of no gifts, please bring a bottle, but it might be an idea to supplement the drinks. Having hosted similar events, I know it runs out quicker than you might think!

Have a lovely wedding.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/02/2022 17:48

NB. I hardly think the mere mention of presents is 'grabby'. I'm with the MN camp who sees requests for money as exceptionally bad-mannered, but if you're directly stipulating that you don't want gifts at all then I'd see this as the reverse of grasping behaviour. It's basic courtesy to take your hosts a bottle when you're invited to dinner after all. Why is this any different because it happens to be a wedding?

Sandinmyknickers · 12/02/2022 17:49

@LottyD32

I wouldn't bother going if the wedding had already happened. I don't get why people do this.

It's a party to celebrate their getting married. I am going to a 5 year old birthday party this weekend even though his birthday was in the week....would you not go as technically the birthday has already happened so no point in celebrating it further?

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 17:49

I think it sounds cracking good fun. Just make sure you have music and lights. That would keep the party vibe going and will come into its own when everyone is lashed.

T00Ts · 12/02/2022 17:51

Oh sorry I was too keen to reply and tell you I thought it sounded great fun, and didn’t read the later posts.

Ignore the weird po-faced posters who say they wouldn’t dream of attending if the wedding had already happened. They wouldn’t the missed at a party anyway.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 12/02/2022 18:05

I’m glad you’ve changed your mind about the hog roast… I’m hypocritical because I love roast pork but hate seeing the pig on a spit (unreasonable, I know!) and I think a bbq sounds much better!
I’d also be tempted to provide some booze and soft drinks, along with the BYOB invitation. I think it would be expected.
Early afternoon onwards sounds perfect, especially with the fire pit and if you get your son in law to do some DJ’ing or live music as the day goes on. I’d absolutely love that day, even if it was a few days after your wedding, wouldn’t stop me wanting to come along and celebrate with you!
Your day sounds lovely 😊 I hope you have great weather and a great day! Congratulations!

Original poster

Moonflower12 · 12/02/2022 18:20

Thank you everyone for your input. I shall keep referring back to this.

We will supplement the drink I feel.

And thank you for all your good wishes.

OP posts:

FuzzyPuffling · 12/02/2022 18:58

OP, you're far too reasonable to be in AIBU!
Congratulations and have a fabulous wedding!

1FootInTheRave · 12/02/2022 19:28

Sounds fabulous to me ❤

SeasonFinale · 15/02/2022 06:12

@LottyD32

I wouldn't bother going if the wedding had already happened. I don't get why people do this.

You sound quite miserable.

Who wouldn't go to a party that a friend who considers them to be in their favourite 50 people invited them to?

On the off-chance that this poster is a friend of yours OP I will take their place. All your original plans and your alternative plans mow that some have been pooh poohed sound great to me.

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