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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp & money

65 replies

Seddyf · 11/02/2022 12:26

I'm not too clued up with this stuff so maybe I am being daft.

Dp & I live in a house we own, my dear nan passed & left me a substantial amount of inheritance which I used for the deposit. The total is about half the house price, Dp put in much less, not a problem though.

As a result of us moving in & the mortgage balance etc being much less than he paid before, he has saved up quite a bit of money and wants to use it to buy an investment property just in his name.

I just feel slightly upset that I am not involved. We have a baby together & in it for the longhaul or i hope anyway, this feels like we are 2 single people?

AIBU?

A friend of mine said something along the lines of he is benefitting from my inheritance, i dont really see it like that but wanted some advice?

Even help to understand so when i do ask him i wont feel so silly

OP posts:
AdhdFridaysss · 11/02/2022 12:32

Well he is benefitting if he now has half a property with you and another that you have no part in, especially as you are not married. You have no claim on his investment property.

Please say you ring fenced your deposit?

Fedupsotired · 11/02/2022 12:33

This isn't right. If this was my dh we'd have the property in both our names. He is trying to fleece you. He is benefitting big time

Theunamedcat · 11/02/2022 12:33

You ring fenced it right?

mynameiscalypso · 11/02/2022 12:36

If he has a big lump of cash sitting there, wouldn't it be best to pay off your existing mortgage?

Pyri · 11/02/2022 12:37

Please say you ring fenced the deposit?

RedskyThisNight · 11/02/2022 12:41

If you didn't ring fence the deposit, I'd suggest that DP should pay a lump sum now to bring up the money he paid towards the deposit to be equal to the amount you paid.

Then I would say, if you're keeping a splitting everything financial model, he can use any money left over to do what he wants. I'd personally want to be sharing all money, but know that's not what all couples choose.

averylongtimeago · 11/02/2022 12:43

So is the property in joint names? Did you protect the deposit you put in? Or do you each own 50% regardless of how much you each put up for the deposit and mortgage payments?

I know you think it will never happen to you, but you have to plan for the worst. Because what it looks like at the moment is that if you split up, he gets half of the joint house you live in plus the other house he has bought on his own with money saved while with you....

honeylulu · 11/02/2022 12:46

Did you ring fence your deposit or is the property held as tenants in common to reflect the different levels of contribution?

If not then he's being very unreasonable but there may not be much you can do. Have you told him that his savings ought to be used for your mutual benefit as your inheritance was.

I agree the best use for the savings would be to pay off a chunk (all?) the remaining joint mortgage. Then think about how to best invest any additional sums (again ideally for the whole family's benefit). As he seems to have surplus funds and you presumably have taken a hit to your earnings and pension to bear and care for your joint child, you ought to be married too. Any plans in that regard? You are in a potentially vulnerable position in that if you split he'd end up with half your inheritance and the equity that grew from it whilst you won't have any claim in his savings or other assets in his sole name. Child maintenance only (15% income I think).

I just hope he's been a bit thoughtless rather than all out selfish and you can get it sorted between you.

Topseyt · 11/02/2022 12:47

I hope you ringfenced your very large portion of the deposit at the very least.

Hapoydayz · 11/02/2022 12:50

Of course he is benefitting with lower mortgage payments. I hope you ringfenced the deposit. Does he not see a future with you so wants his own investment? Not the right way to think if you have a child together

timeisnotaline · 11/02/2022 12:54

Of course he’s benefiting from your inheritance. He should match your deposit before buying in just his name, or buy in shared names. You could withdraw equity from the house to contribute to the deposit for the investment property and put it in both your names? But if he can’t see that his plan is treating you badly and financially using you for his benefit, then he’s a lost cause.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2022 13:00

If you both saved money due to the lower mortgage, and you spent your share and he saved his share, then I can see why the investment property should be in his name.

However, since you say you have a baby, I suspect you're on reduced earnings because of that, and so have not benefited from your own "spare" money to save.

I think you need to both have a talk about finances and how they are split. Now you have a baby together, you need to make sure that you are financially protected.

NameChangeNymph · 11/02/2022 13:01

His thought process on this is WAY off but if he's insistent on doing this then speak to a solicitor and see if it's possible to have a cohabitation agreement drawn up retrospectively, ring fencing your initial investment (inheritance) so that it's safeguarded should you split at any point. That way, if you sell the property, you will get the full deposit returned to you prior to the remainder of any equity being split 50/50.

TheApexOfMyLife · 11/02/2022 13:01

Yes he is massively benefitting.
He is also not seeing you as a team when it comes to finances. Otherwise, he would be overpaying the mortgage first so that neither if you have to pay anything at all.

There are lot of other questions there too.

  • have you ring-fenced thé money the inheritance or have you basically given half of it to him?
  • how much each of you is contributing to everyday life? IS it 50/50 and you are in similar incomes or is it 50/50 and he is paid more than you?

I th you have a lot of thinking to do there, starting with protecting yourself financially.

MayMorris · 11/02/2022 13:15

Why didn’t you marry before having a baby? I do not understand why women keep doing this and leave themselves open to financial problems.

Bonheurdupasse · 11/02/2022 13:21

I think you may be able to retroactively ring fence by moving current house ownership from tenants in common to joint tenants (or vice versa I forget which is which). You’ll need to talk to a solicitor to do that.

EinsteinaGogo · 11/02/2022 13:30

Why does he want to put the investment property in your name only, OP?

Gizacluethen · 11/02/2022 13:32

Did you not protect any of your nans money? If you split would he be entitled to half the sale price? That would be an incredibly silly thing to do and yes he's hugely benefited from your nans money.

TotallyFloored · 11/02/2022 13:43

Please say you’ve protected your deposit ?

HollowTalk · 11/02/2022 14:09

He doesn't see you as a team, does he?

LaMontser · 11/02/2022 14:11

Oh god. Either get married or retrospectively draw up an agreement that protects your share of your home.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 11/02/2022 14:14

Did you protect your deposit?
Tbh I think you’re grossly naive more than your partner is fleecing you.

RealBecca · 11/02/2022 14:15

Your friend is right. What's yours is ours, what's his is his.

Viviennemary · 11/02/2022 14:17

He is an absolute cf. No way would I stand for that. See a solicitor without delay.

GeneLovesJezebel · 11/02/2022 14:19

@Pyri

Please say you ring fenced the deposit?
Please 🙏🏻