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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp & money

65 replies

Seddyf · 11/02/2022 12:26

I'm not too clued up with this stuff so maybe I am being daft.

Dp & I live in a house we own, my dear nan passed & left me a substantial amount of inheritance which I used for the deposit. The total is about half the house price, Dp put in much less, not a problem though.

As a result of us moving in & the mortgage balance etc being much less than he paid before, he has saved up quite a bit of money and wants to use it to buy an investment property just in his name.

I just feel slightly upset that I am not involved. We have a baby together & in it for the longhaul or i hope anyway, this feels like we are 2 single people?

AIBU?

A friend of mine said something along the lines of he is benefitting from my inheritance, i dont really see it like that but wanted some advice?

Even help to understand so when i do ask him i wont feel so silly

OP posts:
Sandinmyknickers · 11/02/2022 15:27

@L40Postcode

He is benefitting from your very large deposit. Due to that, he has a much lower mortgage that has enabled him to save the money he’s saved.

And now he wants his thing to be completely his, nothing to do with you.

So basically, what’s yours is his, what’s his is his.

Nope. He should use the money he has saved to knock a chunk off the mortgage. Once he’s knocked off the equivalent of your deposit, then he can what he likes with his money.

Agree with this. Another option instead of paying off an already very low mortgage though is that you use what he has managed to save to buy an investment property together...either way, it should involve both of you. If he doesn't get that then I would seriously question how invested he is in a partnership with you
ChargingBuck · 11/02/2022 15:31

@AllosaurusMum

I don't see how he's doing anything wrong. He's benefited from your larger deposit and you have been benefiting from his larger income.
How is OP benefitting from this larger income, which he does not share with her?

OP has paid half the house value, via her cash deposit.
The other half is mortgaged. So DP should be assuming ALL of that mortgage - i.e. the other half of the value.
But he doesn't - the crafty sod only pays half the mortgage.
So he is claiming 50/50 ownership but only paying 25%.
And reckons he can use the financial benefit his naively trusting partner provides him, to feather his nest with another property, which he reckons he can keep all to himself.

& despite him earning much more, OP pays 50% of all other outgoings as well, so I can't fathom where you are seeing where OP benefits from his larger income.

Original poster
Seddyf · 11/02/2022 16:11

In terms of it being 75% & 25% I cant wrap my head around that bit.

Say for example the house is 1mil (its not) and I've paid 500k cash he has paid say 50k.
Assuming we've paid off the mortgage when he sell, i would be getting my 500k back which is 50% he gets his 50k back being 5% then we split the remaining 45%

Ultimately i come away with nearly 75%

But that seems fair as the mortgage was paid together.

But im sure one of the messages said i am due 75% but only coming away with 50%? Im not sure how i am

OP posts:
Lou98 · 11/02/2022 16:11

@ChargingBuck

All of our money is pooled t pay for everything inc mortgage. Why? You have already paid YOUR half of the mortgage, by putting in the big deposit equal to approx half the value of your house. So why are you now expected to pay more? You put in 50% cash. HE should be paying the remaining 50%, ie ALL of the mortgage. You are currently paying 75% to his 25% - because he is only paying half of HIS mortgage responsibility.

And you earn much less than him, & he keeps all his overtime money?
He's taking you for a proper ride OP. Please wake up.

They have both ring fenced their deposits so they'll both get that back in the event of a split. Everything they're paying in now will get split 50/50 in the event of a sale so it is fair they both pay the mortgage now. Would be different if she wasn't getting her deposit back.

Lou98 · 11/02/2022 16:13

@Seddyf

In terms of it being 75% & 25% I cant wrap my head around that bit.

Say for example the house is 1mil (its not) and I've paid 500k cash he has paid say 50k.
Assuming we've paid off the mortgage when he sell, i would be getting my 500k back which is 50% he gets his 50k back being 5% then we split the remaining 45%

Ultimately i come away with nearly 75%

But that seems fair as the mortgage was paid together.

But im sure one of the messages said i am due 75% but only coming away with 50%? Im not sure how i am

You're right OP. It would be only be unfair if you hadn't ring fenced your deposit as then you would have paid £500K initially then 250K for your half of the mortgage over the payments of the years and he would have paid £250K, meaning at the point of sale you would both get 500K so you would have lost 250 while he gained it.

But because you've ring fenced your deposit it doesn't work out that way and you will be getting your money back

ProudThrilledHappy · 11/02/2022 16:14

If you are earning less because you are on maternity leave with your child, then he absolutely should be paying more mortgage. You have been negatively impacted by carrying and caring for his child

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/02/2022 16:48

So what's yours is his and what's his is his? Not fair at all! Fine if he wants separate finances, he can sign over his part of your joint house to you

Ozanj · 11/02/2022 16:52

I would split finances asap. Your income goes into your account only and you only pay your half of the bills - he pays his. Then if he decides to get the investment property make it clear he is to pay more than 50% of the bills based on rental income and draw up an agreement.

Arabellla · 11/02/2022 16:58

Don't do it, OP. The next house has to be in your name too.

FlowerArranger · 11/02/2022 17:11

If I understand correctly, you are sharing mortgage and other outgoings 50/50, even though you earn far less than him.

Plus you seem to be funding your maternity leave entirely from your own savings?

And now he wants to buy an investment property in his name only?

Do you gave plans to have more children? What would happen if your earnings were to drop even further?

You need to think about this with a clear head. Thank god you ringfenced your deposit, but I think you'd benefit from legal advice about your financial set-up, investments and PENSIONS.

The latter can be hugely important. Is he by any chance putting a large % of his salary into his pension, while you are investing peanuts?

Jjjayfee · 11/02/2022 17:21

No way. Not acceptable at all!

thedarkling · 11/02/2022 18:55

@FlowerArranger

If I understand correctly, you are sharing mortgage and other outgoings 50/50, even though you earn far less than him.

Plus you seem to be funding your maternity leave entirely from your own savings?

And now he wants to buy an investment property in his name only?

Do you gave plans to have more children? What would happen if your earnings were to drop even further?

You need to think about this with a clear head. Thank god you ringfenced your deposit, but I think you'd benefit from legal advice about your financial set-up, investments and PENSIONS.

The latter can be hugely important. Is he by any chance putting a large % of his salary into his pension, while you are investing peanuts?

No I'd don't think they are sharing 50/50, I think he pays the mortgage? I'm not seeing a massive problem here. He is at a big disadvantage in terms of assets and yet earns more and is using his wages to pay the mortgage which is gaining op extra equity too. Which is an advantage to her. So he probably feels he's finding her gaining extra equity in the property when she's got a lot more than him through ring fencing the deposit. If they do pay the mortgage 50-50 that's different though.
timeisnotaline · 11/02/2022 21:11

@AllosaurusMum

I don't see how he's doing anything wrong. He's benefited from your larger deposit and you have been benefiting from his larger income.
He’s benefited from her larger deposit yes. She’s benefiting from his larger income no- she’s sacrificed her income and is bringing up their child together on mat leave, she’s still contributing just as much as he is. He got the larger deposit benefit for free. She had to give up work and have a baby. Op, when you go back to work are you splitting parenting 50/50? Every day he either wakes feeds dresses and drops baby off, or leaves work in time to pick baby up and cook them dinner? Otherwise you’re not ‘benefiting’ from his larger income for free. His overtime income isn’t free money if the cost is your parenting time. How much overtime would he make if he had to pay for childcare for every minute he works overtime since you have your own job and aren’t sacrificing your time and income opportunity to make money to keep for himself?
jimmyjammy001 · 11/02/2022 21:16

He's benefitting because of lower interest payments, if you had put that lump sum in an investment vehicle like stocks and shares you would be earning alot more on it than just a deposit for a house, you both should have put in equal amounts for house deposit then split mortgage

timeisnotaline · 11/02/2022 21:54

@jimmyjammy001

He's benefitting because of lower interest payments, if you had put that lump sum in an investment vehicle like stocks and shares you would be earning alot more on it than just a deposit for a house, you both should have put in equal amounts for house deposit then split mortgage
He’s also benefiting from keeping his overtime while he has a family. That baby doesn’t change its own nappy and cuddle itself while he works late or extra shifts, but apparently it’s all his money.
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