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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

not wanted on his facebook.......

82 replies

aquamarine2 · 11/02/2022 10:12

I was with my partner the other evening and as usual he was on facebook. I made the comment that he seemed to have many women 'friends' on this site but wondered why I wasnt one of them. He turned to me and said " I dont want you on my facebook". I am really upset by this, not because I want to be on there, but rather his response. I dont know why this has got me so much but it really has.

OP posts:
LadyNell · 11/02/2022 10:52

I'm not on my partners FB and he's not on mine

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 11/02/2022 10:54

A friends husband did this. He was using FB to hook up on "work trips" with random women who thought he was single. She only found out when she posted a pic of them together on her own page and a friend of a friend made the connection and told the "other woman". She came and found my friend in person to apologise and show her all the messages and lies she'd been told.

Original poster
aquamarine2 · 11/02/2022 11:02

I dont think he posts that much, just scrolling. And even if I were on there I wouldnt be able to see private messages would I? Yes I know his family and some of his friends. That said when he goes to the pub he mostly goes alone. On the odd occasion I have gone some people have commented that they didnt know I existed...

OP posts:
Tanfastic · 11/02/2022 11:02

My sister has been with her partner over 15 years and they aren't friends on Facebook. I can never understand why and I've to,d her it's weird but other people have told her it's not weird (like my mum! ).

Teaforme123 · 11/02/2022 11:08

You have been with this man for 15 years, and people he goes to the pub with have no idea you exist?! How are you ok with this? Where do you see this relationship going?!

Original poster
aquamarine2 · 11/02/2022 11:10

most do but some didnt. I am a home bird so dont feel the need to go to the pub. I guess he doesnt talk about me, I dont know

OP posts:
Returnoftheowl · 11/02/2022 11:13

@aquamarine2

most do but some didnt. I am a home bird so dont feel the need to go to the pub. I guess he doesnt talk about me, I dont know
Because it sounds like he's presenting himself as single...
VelvetChairGirl · 11/02/2022 11:14

Get rid of him he's a git

girlmom21 · 11/02/2022 11:16

Fucking hell get rid. You deserve more.

femfemlicious · 11/02/2022 11:18

@aquamarine2 just dump him...vut you wont....good luckSmile

Hoosemover · 11/02/2022 11:19

If I was you I would be tempted to go on a (ph)fishing expedition,

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 11/02/2022 11:22

I'd be wondering what he's trying to hide Hmm

Original poster
aquamarine2 · 11/02/2022 11:22

hmmm. I do have his pass code for his tech (saw him enter it over his shoulder). Is messenger the app for FB private messages? I hardly use the site so not sure about it

OP posts:
WonderfulYou · 11/02/2022 11:23

I think it’s odd when couples feel the need to advertise their relationship on SM and that they must change their relationship status to in a relationship - which is weird if you’re over 16.

The FB thing is a complete non-issue.
But I would be questioning whether you two are actually compatible and if this relationship is working.

lavender2022 · 11/02/2022 11:24

Sorry but I wouldn't even bother wasting my time checking his messages, I'd just LTB. No respect for you whatsoever.

Dogmummy1980 · 11/02/2022 11:27

Oh my word…..

His status is single?? Even when me and OH had a blip (and took me off his SM Grin) he still had his status as in a relationship

He’s no respect for you at all - I’m definitely agreeing with everyone else that it looks like he is trying to appear single. Very dodgy indeed

SartresSoul · 11/02/2022 11:30

15 years and his status is single on FB with absolutely no mention or photos of you? He’s taking you for a ride, get rid.

Teaforme123 · 11/02/2022 11:30

I wouldn't bother. You might find messages from other girls, you might not. But do you really want to be with someone who doesn't even seem proud to be with you?! He has zero respect, I wouldn't waste another minute with him.

TheOccupier · 11/02/2022 11:33

Yes Messenger is Facebook's messaging app.

How rude and sketchy of your partner. Personally I would catfish him to see what he's up to.

girlmom21 · 11/02/2022 11:36

@TheOccupier

Yes Messenger is Facebook's messaging app.

How rude and sketchy of your partner. Personally I would catfish him to see what he's up to.

Surely she's better off asking to see his phone that going that far...
Original poster
aquamarine2 · 11/02/2022 11:45

what is catfish

OP posts:
Toastiemaker · 11/02/2022 11:45

Social media ruins relationships, things get misinterpreted and complicated when they needn't be. He probably knows this but didn't articulate it very well... Is your relationship good on all other aspects, the day to day real stuff? Do you trust him and does he respect you?
My DH and I are not friends on Facebook. I don't think he's shagging around or hiding anything and nor am I because we trust each other. Ta -dah!

Beautiful3 · 11/02/2022 11:46

What?! It says status is single, and you're allowed on it?!?! Wow that's bad.

mocktail · 11/02/2022 11:47

It might be just because he doesn't want you to see banter / stuff he or his friends have shared / etc rather than because of anything to do with other women.

I think there's a risk that if you 'catfish' him or log into his account then find nothing dodgy then suddenly you're the one in the wrong more than him.

Having said that I'd be unhappy too.

GinAndTopic · 11/02/2022 11:47

I've known couples where I've barely seen one of them because s/he doesn't like going out, and it works for them, but add in fb and single status, maybe you should have a think about your wider relationship, is he kind, are weekends spent together, housework shared etc, or has he found himself a nice little nest for when he's there and carrying on his own life outside?