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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s ridiculous to make a big deal over this?!

62 replies

GreenTeaMom · 11/02/2022 09:45

On Instagram I follow a lot of mum’s who have a bit of a bigger profile (around 10-12k followers etc) and share their parenting journey, recipes etc which I have found helpful in the past.

However the one thing that I notice they all have in common is whenever their DP, OH, DH is not at home (even for just the day!) they make such a big deal about ‘solo parenting’ and act like they’ve just done the best thing since sliced bread! (They have older children too so not all newborn babies).

AIBU to find it absolutely ridiculous to make a huge fuss about the fact that you’ve just cared for your own children by yourself?!

It actually got to the point where I unfollowed a lot of them because it just infuriated me and I wondered how the hell they would ever cope if they were a single parent like myself where I am solely responsible for my child 24/7!

OP posts:
TheRealKaren · 11/02/2022 21:39

YANBU

bluejelly · 11/02/2022 21:41

Totally agree. I was an actual single parent for many years and it's really not the same.

LawnFever · 11/02/2022 21:43

Yanbu, that’s irritating and ridiculous, I don’t follow anyone like that, if I did by mistake I’d unfollow pretty quick

Mumofboys109 · 11/02/2022 21:50

Call them out on it. I would. 😂

Babyvenusplant · 11/02/2022 21:50

Yeah I was a single mum for the first 2.5yrs of dd life.

I also have to ignore comments and posts on here when posters can't cope with parenting alone for one or two nights so their other half can go out or whatever.

Winds me up

Ponoka7 · 11/02/2022 21:53

I never knew that mum's couldn't manage their children alone until I joined this site. Both parents should be able to.

Tittyfilarious81 · 11/02/2022 21:53

YANBU it's ridiculous and I'd find it really irritating

ComDummings · 11/02/2022 21:54

It’s quite pathetic.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 11/02/2022 21:54

Single parent for 13 years. This would annoy me too. I was totally alone too. No weekends off. He was gone - like a fart in the wind. And about as welcome to return.
Somehow I survived. Hmm

Cam2020 · 11/02/2022 22:00

I don't follow any of that superficial shit in the first place.

cuno · 11/02/2022 22:01

A bit of a slap in the face to single parents! I'd expect any good parent to be able to cope by themselves with the kids for the day. This goes for mothers and fathers. What if one is in hospital, or what about stag/hen dos, what about work trips, what if one fancies a break etc? It works both ways and I'd expect both parents to be able to have time away from the home without it being chaos.

MiddleParking · 11/02/2022 22:03

It’s sort of part and parcel of engaging with the ‘parenting journeys’ of strangers isn’t it? Of course they’re going to make a big deal out of mundane stuff. Being a parent is usually mundane, and people, you included, choose to watch them being a parent.

MiddleParking · 11/02/2022 22:06

Also, people with partners/spouses shouldn’t have to behave like single parents or hold themselves to that standard anyway.

Howeverdoyouneedme · 11/02/2022 22:13

I stopped following any ‘instamum’ types last year. I hadn’t noticed what wankers they were until it was all I could see.

thaegumathteth · 11/02/2022 22:17

Meh all the instamums use anything they possibly can for content .

I agree it's not a big deal (for most) and pre pandemic dh worked away a fair amount abroad. So did his colleague whose wife I had on Facebook as kids in the same class - she did countdowns for when he was back and posted every day about how much she missed him. Sometimes they were gone for 3/4 days never more than 2 weeks. Her daughter got caught up in it all too and would cry in class about it . Dd was bemused by it though she did go through an annoying stage of sobbing every time we dropped dh at the airport

thaegumathteth · 11/02/2022 22:17

And I forgot to add - I never felt like a single parents because, well, I wasn't,

peachgreen · 11/02/2022 22:21

I'm a solo parent - DH died when DD was 2.5. When he was alive I used to make a big fuss of looking after DD on my own overnight or whatever. I think you just don't really get that you're capable of it until you have to do it regularly.

ToykotoLosAngeles · 11/02/2022 22:23

Hmm - yes. Instamums are extremely annoying (please stop posting about gin o'clock). However, I really do struggle if DH is away for the week because DS has long periods of shit sleep, and we have no family within 200 miles. If I were to become a single parent I'd live closer to my parents and best friend so they could assist!

1stTimeMama · 11/02/2022 22:30

I always think this when people on here ask if they'd be unreasonable to ask their partner not to go away for the night/weekend because it means them having to deal with their one or two children. I don't understand how you can't look after your children on your own?!

TheSunIsStillShining · 11/02/2022 22:44

If this is a superpower, then we both have this. I managed mostly alone for many months when H had 16hr days incl. weekends. I left 6yr old son with him for 6 months and moved here alone to start our lives here. In both cases kid and respective parent was perfectly fine and coping as normal.
and come to think of it: all single parents are superheroes then

DysmalRadius · 11/02/2022 22:48

If you're used to having an involved partner who pulls their weight looking after kids and doing housework, then having to do everything by yourself is harder work than your 'normal'. In the same way that someone might complain about having to look after their kids if they break their leg - they're not saying it's like only having one leg permanently , just highlighting that things are harder than normal for them.

Surely the whole point of mum bloggers is sharing the minutiae off their life - I imagine lots of people have it worse off than them but people probably don't follow them for their hard luck stories unis that's their surviving usp.

Lou98 · 11/02/2022 22:50

I don't really use Instagram but from what you've said YANBU!

I'm not a single parent so not the same but my partner works away 2/3 weeks on, 2/3 weeks off so I'm alone with my Son for 2/3 weeks at a time and it's never occurred to me that I'm doing anything special by managing!

It's not really something I ever thought about until reading threads on MN about people who aren't allowed to go on nights out or weekends away with their friends because they have kids and it's selfish to leave their partners alone/similar - personally I think it's healthy to have time to yourself/with your friends even when I'm a relationship with young kids. My DP and I have both looked after the kids alone before while the other went on nights out/away, I never realised it was such a task to look after your own kids for a weekend alone

RedCandyApple · 11/02/2022 22:53

I’m a Lone parent, there is no other parent involved, I haven’t had a choice but to get on with it, I have 4 children so it is very hard, does wind me up when people ask how they will possibly cope without their partner for a Couple of days. I never had the choice but to just cope.

bloodywhitecat · 11/02/2022 22:55

My DH is home 24/7 but I do feel like a single parent. But, in his defence he has terminal cancer, a broken leg and is bedbound by a stroke. He has no speech and a lot of his memory is affected by the stroke, he cannot remember that, up until the day before the stroke, he was working full time, earning that thing called money and that we still have bills to pay. He has lost the use of his right hand side so I am his full time carer as well as his wife. So yes, I do feel like a single parent to an 8 month old and a 21 month old. Before all this happened I would never have compared myself to a single parent because, even if he wasn't physically here there were still two of us raising these children.

MindyStClaire · 11/02/2022 23:06

Eh, I get this. We have a 3 year old and a one year old, and no family nearby. DH isn't an asshole and so does half the work with the kids and around the house. We all like a routine so our life is in a pretty stable routine and everyone knows who's doing what.

He's going away twice in May for work (lucky fecker), once for a week and once over a weekend. I'm shitting myself tbh. Of course if I was a single parent I'd be well used to it, I'm a capable person, but I'm not a single parent.

Silly things like - usually one of us will be cooking while the other tries to keep the overtired children just out of nursery on an even keel, so they'll be trying to get my attention and snatching toys off each other while I'm trying to get a dinner on the table. We usually bath them together, and one of us takes the little one out so the three year old has the bath to herself for a bit of a play - won't be able to do that by myself so the three year old will have a shit fit in the bath. Stupid stuff like that.

Of course it will be fine, of course I'll cope, but I'm not looking forward to it and I don't expect it to be easy.