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Original poster

I’m sleeping on the sofa every night

56 replies

Pinkhimalayansalt · 10/02/2022 22:31

Our 3 year old DS starts off in his own bed and always comes in with us. Sometimes it can be 3an or or 4am. But usually it’s about 11:30/midnight.

I can’t sleep in the bed with him as he kicks and wriggles and spreads right out. So I his dad stays in the big bed with him instead.

Therefore I end up on the sofa pretty much every night. We only have a small house so our main room is the one we eat in…so I’m eating, watching TV, sitting and also sleeping in the same room.
And starting to resent it, as you can imagine.
His bedroom is in the attic so he’s a floor above us, which he doesn’t seem to like when he wakes up in the night. He just won’t settle back in there when he knows we are downstairs on the next level.

Not sure what to do next really.

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 10/02/2022 22:34

Can't you transfer him back to bed?

You take his bed?

Buy a bigger bed? (We had to go to superking size as we always have a nighttime visitor. Can be any one of our 3 children)

PartyPlan · 10/02/2022 22:35

You need to hold firm on boundaries and make him sleep in his own bed. Maybe get him a new duvet set and make a big deal of him being a big boy and he needs to stay in his own room. Every time he gets up, put him straight back to bed and don’t say anything. It will be a few days of hell and then he’ll get the message.

minipie · 10/02/2022 22:37

I would say either rapid return as pp says (first try any obvious fixes like night light if he is scared)

Or

Put his mattress on the floor in your room

girlmama22 · 10/02/2022 22:38

We got a bigger bed but it didn't really solve anything.
Can you sleep in his bed? Or would his room fit another bed in to get him used to being in there but with one of you so it isn't so scary?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/02/2022 22:39

Yeah no I wouldn't have this.

DS comes into bed with us if he's had a nightmare and is spooked but it's always temp and moved back to his bed. He gets to sleep in our bed as a treat if he's really poorly or something but no way would it be every night.

RampantIvy · 10/02/2022 22:40

Why can't you get into his bed?

EezyOozy · 10/02/2022 22:41

Is he old enough for something like a gro-clock to work? "If you stay in your bed until the sunshine comes up you get a bead/token in this jar. When you have 10 tokens we can go to the toy shop!"

Worked on my just 4yo x

rainbowraindrop · 10/02/2022 22:41

I have just been through this with my 3 year old, my 18m old is still in our room due to reflux and choking fits and the 3 year old feels left out.

I couldn't cope with him in our bed all night and he sleeps sideways and does not stop moving, I was getting no sleep. We said one day you cannot sleep in mummy and daddy's bed, you're a big boy and you need to sleep in your own big boy bed. Once this was said we just continued to return him to his own bed whenever he woke. It was relentless for a few weeks but one night he just said, I'll stay in my bed tonight because I'm a big boy and he's been an angel since. It's hard.. so hard to not cave at 3am when you're exhausted but it will work. You just need to be more determined than them!

Oinkypig · 10/02/2022 22:42

If you’re content not to return him to his own bed and let him sleep in yours (zero judgement at all I still have a 10 year who creeps into my king sized bed) and you move why not move into his bed?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 10/02/2022 22:42

Have you asked why he doesn't like his room?

DS did go through a phase of telling us he didn't like his so we took him to IKEA to choose some bits and pieces ie cushions, a rug, lamp etc. He was about 3/4 at the time

ImFree2doasiwant · 10/02/2022 22:42

I'm sorry I do think 3 is young to be on a different floor. Can you get a small mattress to go on the floor I'm your room, fir him when he comes down?

Hercisback · 10/02/2022 22:43

Get in his bed.

Pebbledashery · 10/02/2022 22:43

Confused as to why you can't sleep in his room? Even a mattress on the floor is better than sofa.

Hercisback · 10/02/2022 22:44

😂 3 isn't too young to be on a different floor. What precious MN rubbish.

HotWaterAndLemon · 10/02/2022 22:44

You could swap around so you and DH are in the loft?

Alternative is to keep taking him back.
Does he have a nightlight etc

SprayItOnMe · 10/02/2022 22:45

Err he's 3 and you're the adult. What about telling him to stay in his own room and not putting up with this nonsense?

I don't get why people are so scared of actual parenting nowadays.

Bigbus · 10/02/2022 22:47

When we had this with our 3 year old we put a mattress on the floor in our room and said to her you can come and sleep there anytime you feel sad/scared but not in our bed. She soon gave up and slept in her own bed but I think she felt reassured that the option was there.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 10/02/2022 22:48

Depending on what size his current bed is (toddler bed or normal single) I'd go and get into his bed. I think it must be hard on him though as he's quite young to be on another floor and I don't think I'm being precious about that Hmm.

Iggly · 10/02/2022 22:48

Get him a decent single and sleep in his bed!

Or do you have a monitor? We had one because ds was on a different floor. When he woke, he’d call for us and we’d sleep in his room. We had a decent mattress for us which pulled out. It got him used to his bed and he never slept in ours.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 10/02/2022 22:49

Yeah I wouldn’t want a toddler on a separate floor either! Can you get a camp bed on your bedroom floor that he can sleep in? That way he’s close when he needs you but not disturbing you. Or if you need to move can you not take his bed. If he’s still in a toddler bed, can you upgrade to a “big boy bed”.. it doesn’t have to be new, I’m sure you could find something on gumtree or market place or something.

sleepymum50 · 10/02/2022 22:51

My DD used to do this, and between her and DH, I didn’t get any sleep.
We put a spare foam mattress/blanket by my side of the bed, and she would toddle in during the night and settle on the mattress. As long as I could hang my arm down and stroke her, she would happily go to sleep.

It didn’t last long. We had just moved abroad and it coincided with her moving from a cot to a bed. From her point of view she was left to sleep on her own while mum and dad were sharing a bed - no wonder she wanted to join us.

Hercisback · 10/02/2022 22:52

All of you going mad about the separate floor, don't you sit downstairs in the evening?

I was on a different floor from 5 months. No ill effects and no monitors in those days.

Shmithecat2 · 10/02/2022 22:53

@SprayItOnMe

Err he's 3 and you're the adult. What about telling him to stay in his own room and not putting up with this nonsense?

I don't get why people are so scared of actual parenting nowadays.

Yeah, because the OP probably never thought of 'just telling' a 3yo to stay in his own room Hmm.

Guessing your child was massively compliant. Newsflash - not all children are the same.

ItoldyouIwastrouble · 10/02/2022 22:58

We have one of those self inflating camping mats, permanently inflated with a sheet over, stored behind our bedroom door. Any nighttime visitors appear I just pop it on the floor for them with a pillow and duvet.

turksturban · 10/02/2022 23:03

Sorry but I can totally understand why a 3 year old wouldn't want to sleep alone a floor above.

Up until age 6 one of us has always either slept in kids room or we have had a small mattress in our room for them. It doesn't seem right to me to have such young children sleeping alone but I was raised in a different culture