I’m sleeping on the sofa every night

[Pinkhimalayansalt]

Our 3 year old DS starts off in his own bed and always comes in with us. Sometimes it can be 3an or or 4am. But usually it’s about 11:30/midnight.

I can’t sleep in the bed with him as he kicks and wriggles and spreads right out. So I his dad stays in the big bed with him instead.

Therefore I end up on the sofa pretty much every night. We only have a small house so our main room is the one we eat in…so I’m eating, watching TV, sitting and also sleeping in the same room.
And starting to resent it, as you can imagine.
His bedroom is in the attic so he’s a floor above us, which he doesn’t seem to like when he wakes up in the night. He just won’t settle back in there when he knows we are downstairs on the next level.

Not sure what to do next really.

It might not solve the problem long term but I would definitely get him a makeshift bed in your room and say if he has a nightmare or whatever he can sleep in your room but not in your bed.

@Hercisback

All of you going mad about the separate floor, don't you sit downstairs in the evening?

I was on a different floor from 5 months. No ill effects and no monitors in those days.

It's not really the same.

Going to bed knowing mummy and daddy will be next door if you need them in the night is very different from being a whole floor away when you're three.

My son used to sleep in the attic of my house, but between 5 and 7 years old he didn't like being on a different floor. Now I've moved him to the FF, and there's no bed swapping.

Have you space to put his little bed beside yours ?
That way you have your bed but DC is happy bring beside you? Start off by “sharing “ the duvet , and gradually separate the beds/bedding?
don’t listen to the judging , do what you need to to survive parent hood !
I do get the “ alone ,but parents are snuggled together” sadness , they are still only little amd dependant on us. Apart from the obvious can’t sleep etc , it’s probably quite reasonable for them to prefer sleeping with their “pack”!
I think DS and I were in/out of DMs bed into out teens?
As others have said - a reward for staying in bed. Maybe tell DS that Friday night is “Snuggle Night “? And so he’s knows he’s got a little cuddle night to look forward to?
Once he’s in school, he’ll probably WANT to be the Big Boy
Good luck. Make sure DP helps !

Honestly, I would just get a single mattress for the floor of your bedroom so he or you can sleep on that. I know most people would scold me, but 3 is still quite little & you need sleep to function.

Take back to bed....all of my children did this at that age. With each child it took me longer to wake up enough to take them back to bed!

This is all so interesting as I’m goi f through the same thing with my son. He’s also 3 turning 4 in a couple of months and it’s driving me crazy and sleep deprived as I’m the only one waking up. The other half sleeps all night no problems. I’m actually on my sofa now as I type with little one asleep in his bed. I slept with him in his single bed from about 10:30 till wake up time and was better. He moves ALOT and it’s very uncomfortable to sleep. I tried the blow up bed as well next to him and oh he’s awake now

Thanks for all the replies.

We did try his bed in our room, but he’d just climb in with us when he woke up and we were / are both so sleep deprived it was just inevitable that he’d end up staying in there.

I know the attic room isn’t ideal, it’ll be fine when he’s older, but now it’s not great.
I might take the suggestion of somebody here and take him to choose his own bedroom bits..

Why can't you just go and sleep in his bed?

Oh and I don’t sleep in his bed as it’s a small/toddler single…not a normal size single, so there’s not a lot of room.

Maybe he needs a bigger bed.

When my son was old enough to move to a bed he went into a double in his room. That way we could return him to bed and get him off to sleep again quickly (one of us would get in with him). He eventually grew out of it x

I was always squeezing into the toddler bed which was killing my back so I bought him a single bed when DS was about 3. He woke every single night wanting a snuggle so I'd be in there with him. Gave in and bought him a double, along with double bedding to go with it which is much more comfortable if I ever do have to go in, which is only occasional nowadays (he's 5). I got used to sleeping with him but he is a wriggler and kicks off any covers, which is why he used to wake up coz he was cold!

I'd get a bigger bed, then at least you can get in there if he's in yours, or your husband can go in his with him and leave you in yours whilst getting little one used to staying in his room.

Put a small mattress on the floor in your room and when he comes in he can sleep on that.

Definitely invest in a bigger single bed for his room. He may be waking up because he's cramped in a toddler bed, but even if he's not you can sleep in his bed instead of on the sofa.

Aw, he’s so little. I’d let him have a mattress or a little bed in your room if there’s space.

My 8 yo stlll gets into bed with me - there’s only me in a super king size so plenty of room.

I do remember when both of mine were little, the way they lay sideways in the bed and kicked constantly. Obviously you don’t have to have them in bed with you but nice to let her sleep in the room when she wants

Sorry - I stopped halfway through the post and seem to have thought you were talking about a dd! Oops!

My DD went through this in phases. I gave up at first then we’ve bought her small double bed and put baby monitor in her room again so we could hear her waking up and could stay with her for a bit in her bed.
I would recommend lying down in his room on his bed at night once or twice. it might give you an idea what’s upsetting/ waking up him. Choosing his own stuff is also a good idea.

Is there room for a single bed or bigger in his room? I’d swap the toddler bed for a bigger bed. He may feel more grown up abs get to chose the bedding but also gives yoh somewhere to sleep if he does keep coming in. At 3 I can’t imagine he’ll be in the toddler bed for much longer?

LOL at everyone ‘why not sleep in his bed’ - fairly obvious it’s because his bed is suitable for a three year old!

We had something similar @Pinkhimalayansalt - between 10 and 12 months, DS would wake up at around ten o clock crying and would scream hysterically if you tried to get him back in his cot. So would end up in bed with me and I’d be kicked all night. He also used to want to sleep ON me and it was so hot and suffocating. I got practically no sleep and was so resentful. Then it stopped as suddenly as it started - I really hope it never starts again!

Would he respond to a sticker chart or anything? I do find with sleeping problems and MN you always get a lot of advice on how to adapt your lifestyle to suit a poor sleeper rather than how to improve the sleep.

@rainbowraindrop

I have just been through this with my 3 year old, my 18m old is still in our room due to reflux and choking fits and the 3 year old feels left out.

I couldn't cope with him in our bed all night and he sleeps sideways and does not stop moving, I was getting no sleep. We said one day you cannot sleep in mummy and daddy's bed, you're a big boy and you need to sleep in your own big boy bed. Once this was said we just continued to return him to his own bed whenever he woke. It was relentless for a few weeks but one night he just said, I'll stay in my bed tonight because I'm a big boy and he's been an angel since. It's hard.. so hard to not cave at 3am when you're exhausted but it will work. You just need to be more determined than them!

Can I recommend Kefir and probiotics/prebiotics for reflux baby

www.healthline.com/health-news/children-probiotic-may-prevent-colic-in-infants-011314

chriskresser.com/rhr-how-to-treat-acid-reflux-in-babies-without-drugs/#Four_Risk_Factors_for_Reflux_in_Infants

Fair enough she can't sleep in the actual bed, but if things are as bad as she's purporting to be, why would you not just get a mattress and put it down on the floor of her kids room to sleep on to make lift easier?

Get your 3 year old a proper single bed, it might help his sleep being in his own big bed and then its comfortable for you too if needed

@BrambleRoses

LOL at everyone ‘why not sleep in his bed’ - fairly obvious it’s because his bed is suitable for a three year old!

We had something similar @Pinkhimalayansalt - between 10 and 12 months, DS would wake up at around ten o clock crying and would scream hysterically if you tried to get him back in his cot. So would end up in bed with me and I’d be kicked all night. He also used to want to sleep ON me and it was so hot and suffocating. I got practically no sleep and was so resentful. Then it stopped as suddenly as it started - I really hope it never starts again!

Would he respond to a sticker chart or anything? I do find with sleeping problems and MN you always get a lot of advice on how to adapt your lifestyle to suit a poor sleeper rather than how to improve the sleep.

Maybe. But my three year old was in a single!

Buy him a proper single, he will need it soon anyway then sleep in it when he is in yours...sooner or later he will sleep in his own bed