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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be able take 4 months unpaid for family reasons?

70 replies

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:30

Read today in the news that Co-op Food CEO takes 4 months of unpaid leave to help her children through exams. Widely praised on social media as a role model for working mothers.

AIBU to feel a bit divided on the topic. I genuinely admire successful women, and from what I hear from my friends with older children, the exam year is hell on earth, with even the most able and most well-adjusted children needing all help and support they can get. There's no doubt that she is definitely doing what's best for her family, and fair play to her. This thread is not to criticise her or her decisions.

But I have an issue with how it is spun by journalists (and the social media hive-mind). Surely, taking 4 months off unpaid is feasible only for a small proportion of working mothers - and not sure a lot of employers would be too keen either? Working for money when your children desperately compete for your time and attention is also a sacrifice, but the one that for some reason is almost never talked about with such admiration.

I am probably just jealous and overflowing with mum guilt this evening. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

Svara · 10/02/2022 21:32

I think I'm expected to work 30+ hours for tax credit purposes, so no. Even if I was allowed I couldn't afford not to work.

KindergartenKop · 10/02/2022 21:34

Lol no. I'm a secondary school teacher. They'd be a tad annoyed if I disappeared until July!

bindud · 10/02/2022 21:35

On the one hand I like it however she earns 1m plus, no doubt her dc have an excellent education/support already & why are men not doing this.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:37

@bindud

On the one hand I like it however she earns 1m plus, no doubt her dc have an excellent education/support already & why are men not doing this.

I think there's still a massive value in what she's doing for her family. I don't think a loving parent can be really replaced in terms of emotional support by a paid professional.

OP posts:

ThePants999 · 10/02/2022 21:38

I have the savings to do it, but I don't think my employer would allow it.

HelloDulling · 10/02/2022 21:38

I could. Particularly for something expected, like exams, so I could prepare things in work, and also save. I’d still be on email though, and I expect she is too.

Darbs76 · 10/02/2022 21:38

My son is taking his A levels this summer and apart from making sure he’s getting a nice meal every day and a quiet relaxed home for revision I don’t intend to do anything else. He certainly wouldn’t want anything else. He never wants a lift to school etc as he likes to get his steps in

Kbyodjs · 10/02/2022 21:38

My work would probably agree it as a sabbatical but we wouldn’t be able to afford it and I don’t really get why you’d need to not work at all during that time; I get reducing your hours if you can for that time but you wouldn’t exactly spend all your time supporting them so that you couldn’t work at all?

AvocadoPlant · 10/02/2022 21:40

Hmm, having had 3 DC go through GCSEs and A levels I would say the emotional support is needed March to June, not May to August. It’s 2 months sunshine and long hols!

Eucalyptusbee · 10/02/2022 21:40

I'm jealous. Don't know many who's employers would allow this.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:42

@Kbyodjs

I think a CEO job is the one where you either need to be fully in or fully out, as many of senior management positions are.

OP posts:

DiddyHeck · 10/02/2022 21:43

@Darbs76

Same here. I have 3 DC who have all done their A Levels and apart from one wanting a little bit of revision help, they just got on with it independently.

I'm not saying that's the case for all DC of course but it doesn't make what the OP says necessarily true either............. and from what I hear from my friends with older children, the exam year is hell on earth, with even the most able and most well-adjusted children needing all help and support they can get.

qualitygirl · 10/02/2022 21:46

Yes financially I could, we have no mortgage and very few bills. I'm not too sure how my employer would feel though. The most I have taken off at a time is 4 weeks.

Hankunamatata · 10/02/2022 21:47

I take 9 weeks unpaid each year as my children cant cope in summer schemes due to sen. My employer spread the cost of the year.

merrymouse · 10/02/2022 21:47

I think most people don’t earn enough to take 4 months leave, but I think that many families have one at least one parent whose job accommodates things like exam stress/extra curricular activities/elderly parents etc. etc., and is therefore paid less.

bluejelly · 10/02/2022 21:47

Surely it's the children taking the exams not the parents? Feels completely OTT to take months off work to support them. Surely it's up the kids to take the lead (with some kind words and pep talks every now and then from their parents)

Cherrybomb197 · 10/02/2022 21:48

I work in finance and have seen many people take sabbaticals of up to a year with no apparent detriment to their career

megletthesecond · 10/02/2022 21:49

No.
But a colleague with older children did give me the heads up that its not a bad idea to save some annual leave for exam season. I could also take a couple of week's of unpaid parental leave.

ChaosMoon · 10/02/2022 21:50

I guess it's no different from taking an unpaid sabbatical, but dedicating it to family rather than traveling around South America. And seen in those terms, many professional women probably could theoretically do it if they'd been in their job long enough. But that doesn't mean they could afford to do it even if it was a work entitlement.

And it wouldn't be the majority by any stretch of the imagination.

Sunsetsupernova · 10/02/2022 21:50

Lots of companies now offer sabbaticals after a certain length of service. In the companies I’ve worked where they’ve offered it it’s been after 4 or 5 years. Mostly unpaid but my friend (who is not at all senior) gets 3 months paid after 4 years service.

Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat · 10/02/2022 21:51

Lucky her.

So the Co-op won't mind if all their staff who have children of that age do the same?

I suspect this is one rule for the CEO and one for the minions.......

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:51

@Eucalyptusbee

I'm jealous. Don't know many who's employers would allow this.

I am not that jealous, just a bit deflated by all the "she's a true role model to all mothers" and "she'll leading the way for all other working women". I mean, with all desire in the world to be with my children during difficult times, I just won't be able to do it financially, even though I am on a good salary.

OP posts:

merrymouse · 10/02/2022 21:51

@bluejelly

This was my first thought, but maybe as CEO it’s all or nothing and she is expected to put the company first?

MondeoFan · 10/02/2022 21:52

I would be able to as I'm 0 hour contract but wouldn't want to as it'd be difficult to claw my original hours back on my return as they'd have had to get someone else to do my hours.

littledrummergirl · 10/02/2022 21:53

In my experience of helping teens through A levels, it's mainly food that needs to be provided and testing on flashcards.
This is where they are learning to work independently and stepping into adulthood so while guidance and support are helpful anything else may be detrimental to bringing up a rounded human adult.
When does she start allowing her dc to make their own choices? Will she be attending uni lectures with them to make sure they have the correct notes?
It's ridiculous in my opinion.

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