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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be able take 4 months unpaid for family reasons?

70 replies

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:30

Read today in the news that Co-op Food CEO takes 4 months of unpaid leave to help her children through exams. Widely praised on social media as a role model for working mothers.

AIBU to feel a bit divided on the topic. I genuinely admire successful women, and from what I hear from my friends with older children, the exam year is hell on earth, with even the most able and most well-adjusted children needing all help and support they can get. There's no doubt that she is definitely doing what's best for her family, and fair play to her. This thread is not to criticise her or her decisions.

But I have an issue with how it is spun by journalists (and the social media hive-mind). Surely, taking 4 months off unpaid is feasible only for a small proportion of working mothers - and not sure a lot of employers would be too keen either? Working for money when your children desperately compete for your time and attention is also a sacrifice, but the one that for some reason is almost never talked about with such admiration.

I am probably just jealous and overflowing with mum guilt this evening. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

tunnocksreturns2019 · 10/02/2022 22:15

I took a year unpaid career break using some of my late DH’s life insurance. It gave me some headspace for the first time since his death, and more time to support my eldest who was transitioning to secondary, has SEN and needed to start medication.

I’ve been back at work a while now and am at breaking point again.

Alas.

I was grateful for it whilst it lasted. I need to work, for more than just financial reasons. But everything’s too much at the moment.

kitcat15 · 10/02/2022 22:15

I could afford it....but I would have to apply for a career break ( nhs)

BotterMon · 10/02/2022 22:16

Yes I could but I wouldn't.

I think she's being a little duplicitous. 4 months from May to support her DS through their exams. The exams are over by mid June so really she's taking the sabbatical to spend the summer holidays with her kids. Fine but at least be honest.

On £1.4 pa plus, it's not really a financial hardship for her is it?

daisypond · 10/02/2022 22:17

I could, but wouldn’t. I’m the main breadwinner and earn 30k. The company I work for might offer a period of unpaid leave - possibly. But there’d be nothing to do at home. What help and support would my DC need? They sorted their own revision. I didn’t get involved at all. No flash cards, no testing of French verbs, nothing. I provided meals and life continued as normal.

gemloving · 10/02/2022 22:18

@forinborin ok that's fair but I do believe a lot of mothers take 4 months unpaid leave when their babies are born or on SMP which is £540 a month, and I don't think a lot of these women/families are particularly wealthy.

TheLadySif · 10/02/2022 22:24

As a single parent I wouldn’t have been able to afford unpaid leave. In my organisation, careers leave was an option but I would have had to provide evidence of a genuine need for care and I don’t think my employer would have considered exams as a valid reason.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 22:25

[quote gemloving]@forinborin ok that's fair but I do believe a lot of mothers take 4 months unpaid leave when their babies are born or on SMP which is £540 a month, and I don't think a lot of these women/families are particularly wealthy. [/quote]
It is a good comparison. I forgot it existed

OP posts:

TheLadySif · 10/02/2022 22:26

Carers leave not career.

hiccuppitty · 10/02/2022 22:37

I'm self-employed through my company so I'd be able to, and we have enough savings to afford it. DH's company allow a year's unpaid sabbatical, and we're considering doing that at some point when the dc are older.

My nephews are doing A levels/GCSEs and tbh with the amount of disruption to education in the past couple of years, I think it's reasonable that dc would need more support than in previous years.

gemloving · 10/02/2022 22:44

@forinborin I've been at home for 10 months with our second son and everything is tight at the moment and I am back at work at the end of this month. I do recognise that I am privileged to be at home for this long but most people I know have / are taking 12 months. It could just be that it's the circle I'm in though.

EileenGC · 10/02/2022 22:46

I could technically take 4 months unpaid leave - I’m self-employed so would simply not accept any projects. But I couldn’t financially afford it, no. Plus I run the risk of certain companies never calling me back again after a 4 month absence.

SpaghettiArmsMurderer · 10/02/2022 22:47

My employer would allow it and I could afford it, but I wouldn’t have any savings after so I wouldn’t do it for exams.

Summerfun54321 · 10/02/2022 22:48

I’m still waiting for equal pay for women in my industry, if we got that maybe we could afford a little more time off.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 22:49

[quote gemloving]@forinborin I've been at home for 10 months with our second son and everything is tight at the moment and I am back at work at the end of this month. I do recognise that I am privileged to be at home for this long but most people I know have / are taking 12 months. It could just be that it's the circle I'm in though. [/quote]
No, it is fair enough. My situation is also skewed, I am a single parent so there's no second income to rely on. Probably that's why even trying to imagine several months without income (either on maternity or unpaid leave) gives me panic attacks.

OP posts:

gemloving · 10/02/2022 22:52

@forinborin well, you're a superhero for being a single parent. My DCs are 9 months & 3 and I have no clue how I'd cope if I was on my own. I know id manage if I had to but man, I just imagine it to be really tough, so hats off to you and all single parents out there. I was clueless how tough it all is before I had kids.

HerRoyalNotness · 10/02/2022 22:53

I’ve been off for 6yrs for family reasons. It’s only doable because H is working. He could potentially take 4mths off, we could cut back kids activities etc to save up for it. One of us would be dead by the end of it I’m sure

TheFabulousSamathaJones · 10/02/2022 22:58

I haven’t RTFT but honestly, those of you with younger children, I promise you that it is sometimes harder with older children and sometimes they need you more, much, much more than when they were smaller.

My older children have variously been raped, self harmed, overdosed, tried Ketamine and other drugs, called ambulances for friends overdosing, attended funerals of friends who have overdosed, had psychotic episodes, thought about suicide, ended up in hospital after drinking too much, been panicky about exams, girlfriends, boyfriends, life, money, body image, eating, friendships, you name it!

So the Co-op CEO, good for her. And to answer the OP yes, I could take 4 months off, unpaid, but that’s because I haven’t stopped working and earn very well. Btw anyone who thinks there’s a correlation between that sentence and my para above is very wrong: my SAHM friends have experienced very similar with their young adult or adult children.

TheFabulousSamathaJones · 10/02/2022 23:00

@LuaDipa

I think a CEO job is the one where you either need to be fully in or fully out, as many of senior management positions are.

I think if a CEO hasn’t built a team that is strong enough to cope without them for a few months they aren’t very good at their job.

Absolutely

Disneydatknee88 · 10/02/2022 23:07

No I probably couldn't afford to do that. I know someone who did take 8 weeks off unpaid to help their son through their GCSEs though and I thought she was bonkers. How much help can you actually be?? If you can afford to take that much time off unpaid, surely a better option would be to use that money to pay for a tutor?

Original poster

forinborin · 11/02/2022 09:15

@Disneydatknee88

There may be multiple reasons why the children need more support. I can conclude I am unreasonable, I am pleasantly surprised that it is affordable for the majority of posters.

OP posts:

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