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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you be able take 4 months unpaid for family reasons?

70 replies

forinborin · 10/02/2022 21:30

Read today in the news that Co-op Food CEO takes 4 months of unpaid leave to help her children through exams. Widely praised on social media as a role model for working mothers.

AIBU to feel a bit divided on the topic. I genuinely admire successful women, and from what I hear from my friends with older children, the exam year is hell on earth, with even the most able and most well-adjusted children needing all help and support they can get. There's no doubt that she is definitely doing what's best for her family, and fair play to her. This thread is not to criticise her or her decisions.

But I have an issue with how it is spun by journalists (and the social media hive-mind). Surely, taking 4 months off unpaid is feasible only for a small proportion of working mothers - and not sure a lot of employers would be too keen either? Working for money when your children desperately compete for your time and attention is also a sacrifice, but the one that for some reason is almost never talked about with such admiration.

I am probably just jealous and overflowing with mum guilt this evening. What are your thoughts?

OP posts:

mswales · 10/02/2022 21:54

By law every employee with children that's been at their company more than a year is entitled to four weeks unpaid parental leave each year per child, up to a maximum of 18 weeks per child until the child's 18th birthday. Check out unpaid parental leave at gov.uk

Dogsandbabies · 10/02/2022 21:55

I could do it too. I have enough savings for a while off and I am sure my work would allow it.

On a separate note, I think she is great. And well done to her for achieving so much in her career. She has probably worked very hard to get to the point where this is even an option for her. Obviously others work very hard too who will never earn enough to enable them but I still think she should be allowed to celebrate her achievements.

FennecShandDoesEverything · 10/02/2022 21:56

Tons and tons and tons of women take 3 months' leave unpaid for family reasons every time they have a baby, so. [shrug] Many, many more work very PT or not at all for years on end, which impacts your income overall more than a one-off four months.

Blossom64265 · 10/02/2022 21:56

Financially? Yes. We have the luxury of being able to arrange our lives such that either DH or I could support the family. Things would be much tighter, but we would be fine.
Logistically? Yes. It would be tricky to set up a sabbatical, but it isn’t outside the realm of possibility. It would be easier if I were to simply go to very low hours instead. Even 5 a week would be much simpler to arrange.

gemloving · 10/02/2022 21:57

I know I could. It's basically like a sabbatical and as long as you worked 2+ years at the company, you'd be entitled to unpaid time off. Some people go travelling in their 30s or 40s & my friend and colleague is taking an additional 9 months off after her 13 months of mat leave. It's been approved and she'll get her job back at the end of it.

bettycarver · 10/02/2022 21:59

Good for her, but it's not feasible for many working parents or for many businesses to potentially have a swathe of their workforce wanting a 3 month break from work around exam time.

I also think there's a fine line between being a supportive, loving parent and actually intervening too much. Young people need to learn to stand on their own two feet and it's important for them to develop resilience and confidence in their own ability. It's also good for them to see that their mums and dads have their own lives, with responsibilities and goals to meet outside the family too.

cuno · 10/02/2022 21:59

I don't see how this makes her a role model for women. I bet there aren't men that take 4 months off unpaid leave to support their children with exams. So really it sends the message that as a woman even if you're a high flying CEO, you still have to sacrifice your work/career/income for your children to be a good mum, while men just get on with things.

WellTidy · 10/02/2022 22:00

I did. Took four months off (unpaid) a few years ago due to my DS’ special needs. I applied for it in line with company policy after being there for 15+ years.

bindud · 10/02/2022 22:01

I think there's still a massive value in what she's doing for her family. I don't think a loving parent can be really replaced in terms of emotional support by a paid professional.

Drywhitefruitycidergin · 10/02/2022 22:01

If it was planned far enough in advance I probably could take the time as long as I did all the work of documenting processes & handing over but I'd have to save up to afford it.
I actually i think it would be better if a male CEO was doing it....or lots of them

labyrinthlaziness · 10/02/2022 22:01

Possibly, overall my employer has good policies but every department has different cultures so it depends where you are. But definitely I have worked in departments where unpaid leave was allowed.

sassbott · 10/02/2022 22:01

@Whydoesthecatalwaysdothat

Lucky her.

So the Co-op won't mind if all their staff who have children of that age do the same?

I suspect this is one rule for the CEO and one for the minions.......

That’s unfair.

A lot of companies offer sabbaticals/ personal leave etc. In the main to prevent burnout/ retain staff. Those same companies also ask senior execs to lead by example and use these policies To increase uptake in the ‘minions’ as you put it.

I’ve worked for two companies where the people at the very top have been encouraged to take these periods of leave etc and they are global policies any employee can avail of.

AnnaSW1 · 10/02/2022 22:01

Yes I'm pretty sure I could.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 22:03

I am seriously impressed by how many of you could do the same! Genuinely, I feel a bit better about it now.

OP posts:

bindud · 10/02/2022 22:03

not May to August. It’s 2 months sunshine and long hols!

Yes the timing seems a little late, I presume they will go on a good long holiday.

LuaDipa · 10/02/2022 22:04

I think a CEO job is the one where you either need to be fully in or fully out, as many of senior management positions are.

I think if a CEO hasn’t built a team that is strong enough to cope without them for a few months they aren’t very good at their job.

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 22:07

I agree but my point was someone with far less privilege may find it far more beneficial to be available for their dc at that time but won't have the opportunity because they don't have the privilege in the first place.
Yes. I mean, I am one of them. I earn well, but simply won't be able to afford four months without income. Therefore I was quite surprised by all tweets about "that's what a real mum does" etc.
But, it seems I was wrong, because it doesn't seem to be too out of reach for mumsnetters too.

OP posts:

tokyo1 · 10/02/2022 22:07

I don't think my employer would allow it. We aren't even allowed to book regular leave more than two weeks off at a time, due to the nature of our job. Well it could be done but my employer would think it would set a bad example to others as then they would ask for it too, so it'd be a flat out no. Unsure why you would need 4 months off to support a child during exam time though. I think it's very excessive.

Copasetic · 10/02/2022 22:08

My work place would definitely let me have 4 months off but I’m sure they’d need a better excuse than helping children through exams. Anything to do with mine or my family’s health and I’m sure they’d be totally behind it. I am not a CEO though!

FennecShandDoesEverything · 10/02/2022 22:08

How many of the people saying "I could never" took a full 12 months maternity leave, and/or went back to work as 0.6 FTE or less? How did you afford that, if four months unpaid is the privileged reserve of millionaires?

She's spending one single year as 0.67FTE, that's all. Many, many women curtail their own earning potential far more. How, if what she's doing is so impossible?

bindud · 10/02/2022 22:08

I didn't answer the actual question, I could probably do it & financially it would be ok but I'd worry about my progression.

gemloving · 10/02/2022 22:10

@forinborin most women who just had babies take months up until a year off. How did you manage when the DCs were young?

This is just out of interest as you say you couldn't afford to have no salary for 4 months.

Taswama · 10/02/2022 22:10

I'm a bit confused as to wha5 she actually did in that period.
Go through revision timetable daily, do a bit of testing of facts and keep child well fed and watered?
Maybe her normal life was so full on, leaving early and working late that she felt she had to stop completely to be able to support at all.

OttilieKnackered · 10/02/2022 22:12

Given my partner works for the co op for barely more than minimum wage, and has just had his hours cut and changed again, I did not find this story inspiring.

Also, how much do her 16-18 year old sons want their mummy around?

Still, sure they have a big enough house to avoid her…

Original poster

forinborin · 10/02/2022 22:12

[quote gemloving]@forinborin most women who just had babies take months up until a year off. How did you manage when the DCs were young?

This is just out of interest as you say you couldn't afford to have no salary for 4 months. [/quote]
I didn't take a year off, I worked full time from the moment my maternity package ran off (which was way before 12 months).

OP posts:

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