To feel so negatively towards men?

[MerryMarigold]

I've not been abused. I have great relationship with my Dad, but...
... More and more frequently I find myself feeling so angry with men and thinking that in most of the marriages I know the women bring much more to the table and are frankly, nicer people. Out of so many marriages I think the men's faults (all different but all equally bad) outweigh the women's. I can count on one hand the number of marriages I would consider 'equal' where they both equally do good things and bad things (I would include my parents in this). For example: My Dad growing up was not very hands on, but he is extremely kind, warm, patient and generous. He loves underdogs and is very positive and encouraging about others. He can lose his temper at times and went through a nervous breakdown. My mum was a great parent who spent a lot of time with us doing all sorts of interesting things. She takes care of my Dad well and has stuck by him in some hard times. She can be critical but she's very loyal and hard working. She's emotional but tends to hold her emotions in.

I'd say my own marriage is fairly equal but I get upset at my sister or friends where I see it as very unequal. AIBU to feel this way or do others feel like this?

@DillonPanthersTexas

There's a reason traditionally 'male' jobs tend to be paid more and it's not because men work harder.

Men are way more likely to commute further, work longer base hours, take on overtime, take less holidays, take fewer sick days, work in more dangerous jobs, more willing to relocate for a job, more likely to study a STEM subject, more likely to pick careers/jobs in industries that pay more rather then what actually interests them. But patriarchy.

There's definitely a support human in these scenarios that women don't have.

YANBU, at all.

My friend told a story when she did park and ride as her commute. On the way home The bus would pull into the car park and the thirty / forty something aged women would edge to the bus doors and run to their cars. One man actually asked my friend “why do the women run? ” one day. None of the men did. None.

I don' t feel this way, l refuse to alienate myself against half the population. If your at war with others you won' t ever find peace. Focus on your own life, wellbeing, happiness, healthy choices etc, life will be alot easier.

I agreed with the OP, but it doesn't make my life worse or harder, because I'm married to a good man, not one of the many arseholes I read about on MN. I'm not at war with them, but I'm glad that I've learned how many of them there are, and what they're like, because it's important to recognise what women are up against, and what needs to change.

It's also important that I realise that the main reason I'm not with one of the arseholes is sheer luck, not superiority: I picked well because I am fortunate enough to come from a stable, loving family which modelled good relationships.

@RedCandyApple

If this is the case then why are women almost always the ones pushing for marriage? If men get so much more out of it, most men are not fussed whether they get married or not.

Because you get half of his pension and the house when you’ve been a SAHM whilst he builds his career, at your expense.

Oh OP, I couldn't agree more. I see it daily, friends"happily married/in relationship" but in reality they say things that clearly shows that's not the case because the man is an idle idiot and the women just allow him to be. I'm very happy being single thanks.

I feel like this too. Let's face it, a lot of problems in this world are caused by men...

@phishy

This is all true but tbh for a lot of women its mainly just that they are conditioned to want it because its been held up as the pinnacle of a woman's potential for centuries.

Honestly most young women don't even understand the financial benefits of marriage, they want to get married because society crams down their neck the idea that they aren't a whole person unless they are attached to a man.

but in general I think women put more effort into promoting the wellbeing of other people, be that partners, children, family, friends. Men are more likely to put more effort into their own interests.

^

This, really. I think men often prioritise themselves.

Yes yes to women thinking marriage is the be and end all. It's not. It's bullshit. A fairy story.

We need to teach women to endeavour to be financially secure by themselves, not via some myth peddled by blokes/media/history.