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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just out of interest - have many of you looked up old ex’s on social media

89 replies

Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 09/02/2022 17:09

No biggie just curious if I’m in the complete minority! DH & I were watching a programme last night in which the central character looks up an ex on Facebook and makes contact with them. Which started a conversation about looking up previous partners etc up on social media.

DH knows I’ve done that (I don’t think it’s a big deal and what many of us do.. I think, maybe this post will prove otherwise!) and his opinion was that it was ‘pretty weird and stalkery’ and he wouldn’t think to even look. He wouldn’t have it that this might just be normal curiousity and what many others might actually have done too!

(For the record, at one point or the other I’ve checked out ex boyfriends on Facebook & LinkedIn just to see how their lives & careers turned out, whether they seem to have got married etc. But just to be clear, I’ve only done this as a one off snoop which I think is a million miles away from regularly checking their social media which I do think falls into the stalkery bracket! The only ex I’ve ever sent a friends request too is my ex university boyfriend who is a good friend!)

OP posts:
Original poster
Whohashiddenthebiscuits · 10/02/2022 10:25

‘Do others stalk the relatives and friends of the person they are looking up to see if they make reference to them ?’ @ToffeeNotCoffee, no! Basically I’m not that interested in them - I will hold my hand up to having checked out tagged wives/girlfriends though!

I get the ‘thank Christ I dodged a bullet there’ feelings.. but I’ll admit to a tiny bit of wistfulness as well with one. A long ago ex sent me a friends request about 10 years ago - we’d worked together and had a fling he was gorgeous, funny and creative. My visa ran out so there was no acrimony and it was never serious anyway, just a fancying the pants off each other literally thing. At the time outside of work he was a drummer in a grunge band, smoked a lot of weed and was pretty directionless. He’s now a multi Emmy award winning film music producer. Everytime his (beautiful) wife tags him on some red carpet and it comes up on my feed, a very very small part of me thinks ‘awww’.

OP posts:
Comedycook · 10/02/2022 10:35

I'm always incensed when I see that ex boyfriends have got married and had children...I don't want to get back with them but I just can't believe they've been able to get on with their life and move on from me...how very dare they?! I assumed they'd all spend the rest of their life alone and pining after me.

Ah well...

Light-hearted before anyone kicks off!

Campervangirl · 10/02/2022 11:06

Yep, I do.
It is stalking which is why it's called Facebook stalking 😜
It's fun to have a nosey, as long as its just a harmless nosey.
I don't contact ex's or particularly fb stalk them but I'll have a bit of a nosey if someone pops into my head or anyone mentions someone, a bit of gossip or drama, I'll have a look.
No harm in it

MorningStarling · 10/02/2022 11:50

No, because I'm not a stalker.

SirChenjins · 10/02/2022 11:54

@Comedycook

I'm always incensed when I see that ex boyfriends have got married and had children...I don't want to get back with them but I just can't believe they've been able to get on with their life and move on from me...how very dare they?! I assumed they'd all spend the rest of their life alone and pining after me.

Ah well...

Light-hearted before anyone kicks off!

I’m the same! How dare they not be pining for me 30 years later?? Bloody cheek.
Blossomtoes · 10/02/2022 11:56

I’ve done it in the same way I’ve looked up friends I’ve lost touch with. Seeing what one ex is doing now has made me very glad that relationship didn’t pan out!

JustLyra · 10/02/2022 12:01

I have with both of my exes, but for different reasons.

One was lovely and every now and again it’s nice to see that things are going well for him.

My other ex I check up on regularly. He has no privacy settings whatsoever and often kicks off about our daughters or his other kids. That does one of two things - upsets the girls or upsets their former step mother so she stops anyone, including the girls, seeing the younger children which upsets my girls.
So I like to know when he’s getting worse as I know then to anticipate that the fall out. Especially atm as one of my girls is totally done and gets a bit wound up by her sister still being bothered.

JaninaDuszejko · 10/02/2022 12:13

Absolutely. None of have aged as well as DH Grin.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 10/02/2022 12:15

Nope, never. Not interested. I don't think looking backwards is ever a good idea.

ABitBesottedWithMyDog · 10/02/2022 12:16

Well... perhaps if you're driving without a rear view mirror.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 10/02/2022 12:25

Yes - of course.

I had kids who had sleep issues so I spent an average of 2 hours a night for 6 years sitting in the dark in the middle of the night with nothing but a phone screen for company.

I was too exhausted to do something productive like learn a language so I would look up everyone I’d ever met ever. I even looked up the brother (who I had never met) of a lad (who I had never met) who a friend of mine from school (who I have seen twice in the last decade) once fancied. And was strangely pleased to discover that he was a newlywed and his wife was pregnant.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 10/02/2022 12:32

Yes. I thought that was the point of FB?

There's one in particular where sliding doors meant we were separated by distance and visas.

Every now and then when the hum drum of my life gets irritating I have a little daydream wander through his photos and think about how I could be living on a beach with a man who's body I'd never grow tired of licking. He's ageing well.

It would have been a total disaster, life worked out with a much better option, but it's really nice to have a little daydream about a lovely time with a lovely man in a lovely place.

"Daydream" is a euphemism for "wank", obvs.

NEUserNamesNotTakenJeez · 10/02/2022 13:00

Nope. For me personally, once we're done, we're done and I've no interest in them at all.

PinkiOcelot · 10/02/2022 13:03

Yeh. I do. I thought everyone did.

notacooldad · 10/02/2022 13:09

I dont need to, I see most of them around town at least once every few weeks!

Purpleraspberry · 10/02/2022 13:28

I admit to have done it. Once for every ex just for curiosity, then left it.

However, years ago before Facebook, I searched my first serious boyfriend on Bebo and found him. I did have a sneaky peak on a continual basis (every few months) and he suddenly changed his privacy settings to hidden one day 😳😬. I am hoping this was coincidental as someone told me Bebo had a tracker for page visitors... (does anyone know if this is true lol?).

I heard that if you look at someone's page on Facebook who isn't a facebook friend, you might appear in friends suggestions. So watch out guys, you could be sprung lol.

arcticgoose · 10/02/2022 13:34

I admit I do it. Not because I miss them as I'm happily married, I just wonder what they are up to, if they've settled and what they've done with their careers. This only happens when I'm bored at night and exhausted every thread on mumsnet, news, videos and social media. Sometimes I'm very happy with the nice ones were we parted with dignity and sometimes I see the horrible ones and thank my lucky stars we didn't end up together in the end!

princesssparklepants · 10/02/2022 13:48

I found the "one that got away" a few months ago.

My douche ex has never appeared on social media... would love to see what he was up to.. if he married etc... he had some serious issues! Hope he was able to move past them.

I'm friends on FB with my teen holiday romance from 20! Years ago.. but he never posts anything.

Often wonder if they look for me but since they won't know my married name have never found me....

think it's normal curiosity TBH

ScrambledSmegs · 10/02/2022 13:56

No, I haven't. I'm a bit surprised that I'm in the minority here!

I honestly don't have any interest in what they're up to, beyond vaguely wishing them well. One of my friends used to keep in touch with one of them (maybe still does) and occasionally tell me what he was up to, but it was never something I asked about.

Bluejetty · 10/02/2022 13:57

Yes, of course. Anything on public social media is fair game imo. I also look up school mums from our WhatsApp group, and have a nosy at Rightmove if I'm given someone's address.

I keep my own social media locked down though - my Twitter account isn't linked to my real name or email, and my FB name isn't my real name, and I can't be searched for.

MaryShelley1818 · 10/02/2022 14:05

I did this 5yrs ago....he was my first boyfriend, the one that got away, First love.
I was married but platonic (not my choice) he was engaged and about to buy a house. We swapped some friendly messages, met up for a drink and kissed once at the end of the night.
2wks later he ended his relationship, said he'd always been in love with me and couldn't not tell me.
5yrs later were madly in love, very happy, married and have two beautiful children.
Ex husband came to our wedding and we're going to his in June. We're all very good friends and me and his soon to be wife are taking our children on a play date in half term. She's an amazing woman and they're fantastic together.

Indoorcamping · 10/02/2022 14:24

I've got a couple of exs on my Facebook friends. We don't chat but it's nice to see how they're doing. All amicable.

I've also looked up a couple of the not so amicable exs. One particular narcissist is fucking life coach now! Hmm

Wouldn't message any of them though, i think that's crossing a line when you're with someone.

Pedalpushers · 10/02/2022 14:25

I find it really odd that someone could be in your life for years and then you have no interest or curiosity whatsoever for what they're up to now. But then I've stayed in touch with all my exes for at least a few years afterwards, before naturally drifting away.

AllOfUsAreDead · 10/02/2022 14:43

@LethargeMarg

Yes and annoyingly none of mine are anywhere on social media- very strange and frustrating for someone as nosy as me !! I wouldn't like the idea of DH doing this though
Bit hypocritical is it not? You're desperately searching social media for any sign of your exs, but if your husband did it that's a bad sign? Confused It's bad then surely that you're doing it, are you looking to cheat?
ParkheadParadise · 10/02/2022 14:48

I do but I look, everyone, I've ever met up 😉😉 😂
If a friend is telling me gossip about someone we will have a look at their SM.