Just out of interest - have many of you looked up old ex’s on social media

[Whohashiddenthebiscuits]

No biggie just curious if I’m in the complete minority! DH & I were watching a programme last night in which the central character looks up an ex on Facebook and makes contact with them. Which started a conversation about looking up previous partners etc up on social media.

DH knows I’ve done that (I don’t think it’s a big deal and what many of us do.. I think, maybe this post will prove otherwise!) and his opinion was that it was ‘pretty weird and stalkery’ and he wouldn’t think to even look. He wouldn’t have it that this might just be normal curiousity and what many others might actually have done too!

(For the record, at one point or the other I’ve checked out ex boyfriends on Facebook & LinkedIn just to see how their lives & careers turned out, whether they seem to have got married etc. But just to be clear, I’ve only done this as a one off snoop which I think is a million miles away from regularly checking their social media which I do think falls into the stalkery bracket! The only ex I’ve ever sent a friends request too is my ex university boyfriend who is a good friend!)

I have a good old stalk on a semi regular basis!

I have them on social media but if I didn't I would, I'm nosy

I often fall down rabbit holes looking up random people I went to school with too!

Yes! I find looking up things immensely fun anyway.
I have never contacted any of them or anything like that and never would.

I go down the wikipedia hole plenty of times looking things up.

I'm a bit older and the snooping sometimes leads to finding out a classmate died from cancer or something like that.

@junglejane66

I have and I've also sat outside their house in my car at night to try to and see a glimpse of them, does that make me weird?

...yes

Most I keep in touch with, some, where there is still after all these years, a bit of sadness from my end, I have looked up. Didnt make me happier though stopped any fantasy about them.

I'm not on social media.

My ex is on Facebook but stopped using it at some point as he never changes his photos. I thought maybe he died as it had been a few years, but I internet stalked him a bit more and learnt he works so must still be alive. I think it is very inconsiderate of him. I know we're no longer together, but I want him to be happy and how can I be happy that he is happy if I don't know if he is happy.

I haven't just looked up exes, I've looked up random people I didn't know well and don't even care about. Anyone and everyone whose name I know is fair game.

You and your husband are both right. It's extremely common and it's also weird and stalkery, I admit that.

One I nose on every couple of years or so. Most of the significant ones I'm still vaguely in touch with so no need or desire to creep on them. Others I just never want to know anything about.

Yes but it's pure nosiness and inquisitiveness.

Absolutely! In fact, I was literally doing this 15 minutes ago

Just to offer the flip side, I got a notification that my ex (split up years ago and he was a violent arsehole) had looked at my linkedin profile. It really threw me and creeped me out that he had either seen my name and clicked to see it was me or had actively searched for me. I hate that he knows where I work.

We don't work in similar fields so no professional need to do that and it makes me wonder if he's tried to find me on other social media.

@tigger1001, sounds like it. Not pleasant but not much you can do about it. You do say he was violent - if you have genuine & serious concerns about this then perhaps alert building security?

Yep there is the flip side of knowing you’ve been looked at too. My DD1s Dad who I split up with over 20 years ago several women (and other kids) down the line is now married to a Filipina woman younger than DD1. Facebook keeps suggesting her as a friend so perhaps she has checked me out!

I’m still Facebook friends with most of my ex’s, we rarely speak but wish happy birthday etc. The only one I don’t give a flying fuck about stalks me as he shows up in my ‘people you may know’.

I looked up one a few weeks ago and I was really disappointed. You know when you hope someone will have moved on in a big way but they’re actually just the exact same person? It’s kind of sad actually. He was 25 when we dated, he’s now well into his 30s and he’s still a bar manager. He looks pretty much the same as well, still has the nose ring and still thinks he’s ‘edgy’ with the exact same sense of style. Well, he has a moustache now which is different and it looks horrible . It’s a bit embarrassing. I thought he’d be married at least by now but seems to still jump between fleeting relationships.

I had a dream about an awful abusive ex I had once a while ago so tried searching for him but it appears he has deleted everything. I couldn’t find anything about him at all and he has a rare name so should be easy to find.

Occasionally, as in about once every 5-10 years and out of sheer morbid "are they fat yet" curiosity rather than any desire to see them in the flesh ever again

All the time. I’m a pretty judgey person. Also I’ve always expected at least one of them might end up in prison so I just curious if I’m right.

Thanks for reminding me to do this this morning!

One of my exes I’m v proud of (if that doesn’t sound too weird) as he dropped out of school despite having a good brain - my stalking shows 20 years on he recently graduated

Mostly I know what people are up to and I stay in touch with several exes. The one I blocked always tries to add me or message on LinkedIn! I mean god if you’re trying to contact your ex through a work platform surely that’s the moment you realise you’re being sad.

Anyone who says they've never stalked someone else (often an ex!) on social media is 100% lying.

No, I haven't. I prefer to think of them (vaguely) as still doing the things they were doing when we parted ways, and I lock them in a sort of mental box along with the inevitable pain associated with even an amicable parting, so I can carry on with my life and minimise triggering, intrusive thoughts.

I looked up an ex a few years ago and saw photos of them renewing their wedding vows. Re-tying the knot ? Quipped one contributor (not me.) Yep, came the reply.

A few years later I read that he is now widowed. He uploaded a picture of himself in smart clothes on to his social media. I wondered if he was back in the dating game. (Makes not odds to me, I'm married.)

I read his social media on his birthday just to get snippets of how he is.

He got about as far in life as I thought he would. Meh.

Do others stalk the relatives and friends of the person they are looking up to see if they make reference to them ?

It hadn't really occurred to me to do so, plus if I'd had to guess I wouldn't have thought my ex fiance was the type to use social media.

Then he sent me a friend request, which I accepted. We exchanged a few brief messages and now about once a year I look to see what he's up to.

I'm happy about it. It's nice to see that he appears to be happy, and at the same time it's reassuring to see that we would have been incompatible, as I thought! I find some of his posts quite annoying and can't imagine being with him. In particular, we wouldn't have been on the same page about how to bring up children.

I've done it with one 😂 mainly to see if he'd taken out his terrible eyebrow piercing! Perhaps twice in 10 years?

I have, it's natural curiosity.

I've blocked an ex and his wife because she would stalk me

I regularly check my exs Instagram. I have no idea why because I have no interest in him really, to its just pure nosiness I suppose.
I also look up random people that pop into my head.
I have accidentally liked FB posts 🤦

Definitely. I probably wouldnt let my husband know because I'm a hypocrite and I'd be pissed if I found out he'd looked up his ex.