Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annual Leave martyrs

268 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 09/02/2022 13:06

Am I being unreasonable to be really fed up of constant bragging from friends, colleagues etc about how much annual leave has got left at the end of the year! It's normally always said with a undertone of martyrdom as well;

"I've had to ask my boss for special permission to carry my leave over as I havent managed to use it all"

"Oh I've got 20 days leave left and I've got to use 10 up before the end of the year insert Mumsnet tinkly little laugh"

As an aside all of these people are in jobs where taking leave is encouraged and you're very flexible at getting time off. It's just strange when people seem to see it as a big competition about how much annual leave they can have left at the end of the year but then panic when they're expected to use it or lose it Hmm

OP posts:
Fairyliz · 09/02/2022 14:43

It depends, lots of organisations give lip service to ‘we encourage staff to take leave/ they are our best asset bollocks.
However in reality the work is piled onto you and if you have a couple of days off it will pile up even more. You then get management hassling you because you haven’t got your work done.

again2020 · 09/02/2022 14:44

This is me!
I used to take more annual leave, but whenever I'm not in things go wrong and sods law it gets horribly busy and I get contacted and asked questions.
And someone has to cover my workload which is quite substantial so I feel horribly guilty.
Not good I know!

Comefromaway · 09/02/2022 14:44

My daughter has loads to use up before April but its because she started work part way through the year. She couldn't take holiday last summer as she hadn't accrued any at that point she was restricted as to how much she could take at christmas as its a very busy time and now its winter there isn't much point.

She needs quite a bit of leave around May & July so this year won't be an issue.

MajesticallyAwkward · 09/02/2022 14:45

I don't understand it at all, the not taking it bragging about not taking it. It doesn't make you a better employee or person.
I never have enough, can't remember the last time my leave balance lasted until the end of a holiday year!

I used to work with a guy who hadn't taken any annual leave for 4 years, had 100s of hours in TOIL unused and hadn't claimed expenses for the 4 years (I estimated once and it was in the thousands).... he put everything into his job, worked nights and weekends too and in the end he was let go over something trivial. Walked in one day and was told to clear out his desk and jog on. I saw him a few months after and he'd totally changed, it was an awful way to learn that lesson but I'm glad he did and was finally enjoying life.

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 09/02/2022 14:45

Alternative view - I have planned all my sign off, cut off dates and approval famdates for my payroll until December and I have about 8 days where I can take leave unless I convince the powers that be to give me another admin.

It's actually not work the free time due to the amount of stress I would come back to.

Last holiday year I had to have a full 2 weeks paid to me that I couldn't take.

And I'm not a martyr, just a very very busy person!

Onlyforcake · 09/02/2022 14:50

I used to have a manager like this. She also came out to ask us all to applaud a member of staff who'd phoned to ask to use an annual leave day instead of a sick day. Hmm She'd also go on about her Flexi time she had but could never take. She absolutely hated me as in one meeting I looked her straight in the eye and said I thought she'd be better at managing her time, because, inevitably when all this time was FORCED to be taken it would impact the team. She tried to give me a warning, but i discussed it with her manager as we were looking at a crazy busy contract time at the end of the leave year, he made her take some practically straight away. It was a blissfully quiet time without her slowing down our working days!

Blackbirdblue30 · 09/02/2022 14:53

Our AL year goes from the start of April. I basically have the whole of next year booked already and have sadly realised that I'd do myself a favour to carry a bit of what I have left from this year. Working doesn't fit in with my life very well :)
I have a colleague who starts early, finishes late, never goes on holiday or takes a long weekend, comes in sick and coughing, and almost scorns people's evening/time off plans because of some batshit work martyrdom he's got going on. 'Jokey comments like 'on a half day?' when you leave at a totally normal time etc.

Casheeeew · 09/02/2022 14:54

@CrinklyCraggy

I'm "entitled" to six months' paid sick leave. Am I a mug not to take it?!

It's attitudes like this that lead to companies not paying sick pay

No I don't pull sickies. but i just doubt people never needed to take a sick day in 15 years. If you're lucky enough to get paid when you're ill, there's no trophy for having not used it for that long.
lapasion · 09/02/2022 14:59

@LadyFanny

See also, people who come into work sick.
Oh they’re often one and the same. My old boss used to have to be nagged to take his leave and would sell as much back as possible. He also never took a sick day, infecting us all, and once fainted at work because the idiot came in with the flu.
ElftonWednesday · 09/02/2022 15:00

Absolutely OP.

It's also unhealthy behaviour - what are they afraid of people finding in their absence? If they find it so hard to use leave I'll happily take their leave for them!

DH annoys me a bit because he always seems to have shed loads of leave- clearly he does take it when we go on holiday. But if I had as much leave as he did, the house would be perfect as as I have so many jobs I'd love to do at home with that leave!

BeyondMyWits · 09/02/2022 15:03

I work part time. 3 days a week. Apparently I am "always" on holiday anyhow. I don't use all of mine as I get plenty of days for long weekends away with the other 4 days I don't work.

I take 2 weeks in the summer, maybe another week(3 days) in odd days where appointments can't be changed. That leaves 2 and a half weeks that I get paid for at the end of my leave year. I am no martyr, I am loving the balance.

Gonnagetgoing · 09/02/2022 15:07

a close /best friend of mine is like this. Barely takes any time off and the one time we did go away together was for a week and then she wished she'd taken another week off with me as I was staying for another week!

She does go on holiday just not much and seems to think she's indispensable whereas I'm of the mind, if you have to go on annual leave either someone else covers or it waits until you return. Now started working some weekends.

I do think she hasn't got a huge amount going on in her life but she actually does have and what she doesn't realise is life is short and you're a long time dead so take holiday etc whilst you can.

FinallyHere · 09/02/2022 15:07

We used to have loads of these martyrs

Now, not booking say 80% will get you a phone call from a director asking why not and strong encouragement to take time away to avoid burnout.

Now, with WFH,the sad ones book holiday and available for working anyway.

Gonnagetgoing · 09/02/2022 15:08

What's worse about my friend is she complains about her boss etc - he and everyone else go away - and she could be right but I sometimes wonder if she's got a skewed vision/version of her boss being nasty to her and he maybe doesn't mind/care if she takes holiday but she's not doing it!

Notanewusertool · 09/02/2022 15:10

Yes! I always want to point out that I'm organised enough to plan my leave throughout the year. It's always people who have jobs where most people would barely notice if they were off for a few days.

CharityDingle · 09/02/2022 15:10

@again2020

This is me! I used to take more annual leave, but whenever I'm not in things go wrong and sods law it gets horribly busy and I get contacted and asked questions. And someone has to cover my workload which is quite substantial so I feel horribly guilty. Not good I know!
I don't believe that anyone is indispensable. And what if something did happen, an illness or life event that meant you had to take time off? Obviously I am not wishing any such thing on you. It's a huge operational risk to your company/ business if they are so reliant on one person, and have no fall back in place.

I worked with someone who genuinely believed the place would fall down without her. She took early retirement and the business is still going strong fifteen years later.

lurker101 · 09/02/2022 15:11

I always feel sorry for these people when they say this nonsense - don’t they have anywhere to go on holiday or anyone to go on holiday with?! I always buy extra holidays when my company offers it

Gonnagetgoing · 09/02/2022 15:13

On an aside - one of my best jobs for annual leave was working in a solicitors office where at Christmas/Easter you got 1-2 weeks holiday as 'shut down' on top of your annual leave - I managed to get normal annual leave as 25 days. Most other solicitors firms are shut down like this over these periods so doesn't make a difference one way or the other, the work just waits until you return. Big law firms prob do it differently, I can't recall.

The slight pain was my colleague didn't work Fridays so my boss didn't like me to take annual leave then but eventually I got agency staff to cover that.

I worked bloody hard (office manager cum legal sec/PA/reception) so I deserved that time off but it was bliss to realise that at Christmas/Easter we were all off and it was just left until we returned.

CharityDingle · 09/02/2022 15:14

I worked with a guy who was a complete martyr especially about all the hours he worked. He made a meal out of EVERYTHING but that's another story.

He definitely could not take time off. Until someone new took over as head of department, and declared that annual leave over x number of days could not be carried forward. He had to start taking a day off every week, over a few months, poor lamb, to use up leave.

Gonnagetgoing · 09/02/2022 15:14

@Notanewusertool

Yes! I always want to point out that I'm organised enough to plan my leave throughout the year. It's always people who have jobs where most people would barely notice if they were off for a few days.
@Nottanewusertool - or its jobs where people like my friend are martyrs to their jobs, think they're being bullied or just aren't organised to book leave.
Adatwistscientist · 09/02/2022 15:15

I haven't taken official annual leave for 12 years of full time work. But I work flexibly so it never really occurs to me to log days when I'm not all-in at work.

TillyTopper · 09/02/2022 15:15

YANBU! I took over a team about 6 months ago and they were all bragging about how much leave they hadn't taken! I told them pretty quickly I'll be taking all my leave and I expect them to as well. They were wearing it like a badge of honour. I have said things to individuals like "you need to manage your leave better" and "why are you giving yourself enough time off as you won't be productive?" They've got the message now - I guess it was their previous manager! But why the hell wouldn't you take it!

CharityDingle · 09/02/2022 15:16

@lurker101

I always feel sorry for these people when they say this nonsense - don’t they have anywhere to go on holiday or anyone to go on holiday with?! I always buy extra holidays when my company offers it
The strange thing about the martyrs I have encountered was that they DID have partners or friends and enjoyed travelling. Very strange.
AmItoofatforthis · 09/02/2022 15:16

I used to be one of those people and I hold ny hands up and say it was because I was terrible at managing my time and working extra hours just to keep my head above water. Turns out I have inattentive ADHD and my executive function is very poor causing great difficulties with planning and managing tasks. Still want to give past, martyr me a slap though!

mrsbyers · 09/02/2022 15:17

There are some people who actually like being at work and may have no social connections outside of it , for them taking leave is not a pleasant xperience