Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To not send my boys to this kindergarten because...

65 replies

bluebikehelmet · 09/02/2022 08:59

...when I went to view it the two women who run it were morbidly obese?

I don't live in the Uk and have been scouting for a new kindergarten for my two boys, and I was really put off because of the owners/carers appearance...

To run around after lots of kids takes a lot of energy, and I want my kids to be properly looked after and physically challenged. I was very surprised as they were both wearing baggy, pyjama like clothes and didn't look like they could move anywhere energetically...I just don't think it looked professional (their appearance not their weight), but their weight does have me doubting their ability to run a school for young children effectively?

Am I wrong? I am prepared to get flamed for this.

Side note - when I told my husband he felt exactly the same

OP posts:

Hoppinggreen · 09/02/2022 09:01

I think that you can not send your children to any childcare setting for whatever reason you choose and if you think that there is nobody there who can handle the physical demands of looking after young children that seems perfectly reasonable to me

SeasonFinale · 09/02/2022 09:04

You can choose where to send your kids lf course for whatever reason but I would judge someone fatshaming people more harshly.

shaneTwane · 09/02/2022 09:06

I agree with hoppinggreen

Seeline · 09/02/2022 09:07

I think assuming people can't look after children properly because they are overweight is a strange idea. Many parents, teachers, health professionals are overweight but seem to be able to be fully capable of doing their jobs.

What age is kindergarten for? Is it just play or is it school by another name?

Did you see any evidence during your visit to back up your assumption?

If you didn't like the feel of the place, or the approaches the used etc you presumably have other options. Turning it down because a couple of staff members were overweight is unreasonable.

shaneTwane · 09/02/2022 09:07

Be prepared to be flamed but it's true if you are severely obese it will impact your ability to look after a room of small children. There's a reason highly physical jobs have a weight limit. No one would hire a morbidly obese police officer, soldier etc so why should it be different someone who has to be physically fast and fit to run after small children.

Rossnagoose · 09/02/2022 09:12

Perhaps you have a different set of expectations to me of how much ‘running about’ adults running a kindergarten would need to do?

RoseslnTheHospital · 09/02/2022 09:16

If they are genuinely morbidly obese and are the actual carers for the children and not simply the manager/admin staff then of course it will affect their ability to be active with the children. I'm not sure why you need to ask permission here or debate it? It's your choice for whatever reason puts you off.

Regarding clothing, in the nurseries I have experience of, it is typical that the nursery staff wear a nursery issued logo t-shirt/polo shirt and black activewear/jogging trouser or black leggings, with a nursery logoed fleece. Is that the sort of clothing these women were wearing?

Onlyforcake · 09/02/2022 09:19

One. I'm sure they can manage.

Two. You know you don't have to use the place.

Three. Obviously saw a recent trend and ran with it.

Thread inspired by a thread got your creativity going. Well done you on protecting your child from people that you judge to be unworthy.

SomePosters · 09/02/2022 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

BIWI · 09/02/2022 09:25

Did you ask them for their BMI?
Do you know what 'morbidly obese' actually means?
Does being overweight mean that people can't run a school (of any kind) where there will be other staff?
Is your husband as prejudiced as you?

FluffyBooBoo · 09/02/2022 09:26

I could never send my precious to a nursery where the people working there were wearing comfortable clothing. They need to set a good example as to what people should wear in the workplace. Four inch heels and a pencil skirt would be my preference, but boots and a well cut trouser suit would also be acceptable.

Chasingaftermidnight · 09/02/2022 09:33

My son’s keyworker at nursery is very overweight. When he first started there I made some (incorrect) assumptions about her based on her weight. I have subsequently learnt that she’s the most competent, caring, kind person on the planet and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather have look after my child.

I’m thoroughly ashamed of having judged her on her weight at the outset and it’s taught me not to be such a judgmental dick.

Did you see anything at the kindergarten that backs up your assumptions? Were the children lying round on the floor watching TV and eating McDonalds?

Givemehopeee · 09/02/2022 09:33

I’m with you OP. I know it’s a controversial decision but it would put me off it too.

I also agree that staff should look presentable rather than looking like they’ve rolled out of bed 5 minutes ago.

Original poster

bluebikehelmet · 09/02/2022 09:38

@Seeline but they were just 'overweight', they were what I would describe at the worst morbidly obese, and the best very obese?

OP posts:

Somethingsnappy · 09/02/2022 09:39

At my children's nursery, one staff member was morbidly obese. She was also the most competent member of staff there, and the one I trusted the most to empathise with any parental concerns and to meet the needs of the kids. She had a gastric sleeve fitted and lots heaps of weight. This gave her the confidence to leave the nursery and seek her dream job!

I'm not sure if that answers your question

SquirrelG · 09/02/2022 09:43

Presumably there are children at this kindergarten - and presumably they don't have judgemental parents like you and your husband. You sound horrible.

Divebar2021 · 09/02/2022 09:46

When women post on here that they’re obese and they’re frequently judged it doesn’t really resonate with me ( I’m a size 16 so not slim) but here we actually have an example in practice. How much running do you actually think is required? I’d be interested in the activities they do with the children, whether food is appetising and healthy and most importantly whether they’re engaging, friendly, kind women who I can entrust my child to.

FelicityBob · 09/02/2022 09:48

I have to say i kind of agree with you

JustWonderingIfYou · 09/02/2022 09:48

I would have similar feelings to you. They won't be able to jump up and down off the floor or run round.

I also wouldn't want to normalise that body shape/size to my young children. It isn't healthy.

Hoppinggreen · 09/02/2022 09:49

I am overweight myself and would condemn fat shaming so if this is what OP is doing then she deserves the hate
BUT if she simply feels that these ladies can’t do their jobs properly due to something physical then that’s a different matter. Fat people can of course deal with childcare but IF these ladies ARE the only ones supposed to be looking after the children in a hands on way and IF they are physically unable to then I think OP has a point.

JustWonderingIfYou · 09/02/2022 09:50

But I'm picturing incredibly large women, not just plus size but panting when going up one flight of stairs sort of size, needs 2 aeroplane seats type size.

OfstedOffred · 09/02/2022 09:52

If they were extremely obese I would feel the same. A friend has her very obese in law care for her child and I see them at playgroup and it's very clear the in law struggles hugely with the physical demands of a three year old.

I also don't like the example it sets. Of course there are exceptions, but to become morbidly obese generally requires poor diet and lack of exercise and those aren't examples I want set to my toddler. My kids childcarer is fit & healthy and takes the kids on regular long walks etc, that's important to me.

wildthingsinthenight · 09/02/2022 09:53

You are wrong. And horrible

Jjjayfee · 09/02/2022 09:54

My sister works in an NHS nursery. One of the workers is very overweight and not as keen or able to lift and handle the children as the other staff. You are not fat shaming but being practical imo.

HailAdrian · 09/02/2022 09:57

You're in good company, OP. Mumsnet hates fat people!

I think you sound like a bit of a dick though.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread