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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not send my boys to this kindergarten because...

65 replies

bluebikehelmet · 09/02/2022 08:59

...when I went to view it the two women who run it were morbidly obese?

I don't live in the Uk and have been scouting for a new kindergarten for my two boys, and I was really put off because of the owners/carers appearance...

To run around after lots of kids takes a lot of energy, and I want my kids to be properly looked after and physically challenged. I was very surprised as they were both wearing baggy, pyjama like clothes and didn't look like they could move anywhere energetically...I just don't think it looked professional (their appearance not their weight), but their weight does have me doubting their ability to run a school for young children effectively?

Am I wrong? I am prepared to get flamed for this.

Side note - when I told my husband he felt exactly the same

OP posts:

UndertheCedartree · 09/02/2022 09:58

Firstly, are they actually going to be looking after the children? Or were they the manager and deputy manager who wouldn't be?

Did you meet the head of class for the class your DC will go in?

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/02/2022 09:59

You don't have to send your children to the Kindergarten, and if your reason is illogical that's still up to you.

Your reason is illogical though - regardless of weight and fitness levels Kindergarten teachers don't have to run, and generally don't. It absolutely isn't part of the job. any teacher with so little control and such bad advance risk assessment and planning that keeping the children safe or active relies on out running them isn't fit for the job for reasons unrelated to their weight!

Regularsizedrudy · 09/02/2022 10:06

Do what you want, no one cares

Crimesean · 09/02/2022 10:08

Totally normal - I'd not want my DC being looked after by someone extremely overweight who couldn't lift him or run around/jump up and down/get down on the floor with him. Toddlers are really fast too, I'd worry they wouldn't be able to move quickly if the children were in danger (i.e. about to fall, or choking).

Bluebottle11 · 09/02/2022 10:09

I definitely wouldn’t send my children, if she can’t look after herself properly then I’d question how well she’d look after my kids. Chubby or carrying a bit of weight fine but enormous, no way.

LeavingTheParty · 09/02/2022 10:11

You can choose to not send your children there for any reason at all, you don’t need permission from mumsnet posters.

Do you often struggle to make basic decisions?

vivainsomnia · 09/02/2022 10:16

I don't agree at all. I wouldn't have wanted my kids to go to a nursery/kindergarten where workers are running after kids to avoid them getting injured.

What is important is that they are well organised, children are providing with appropriate mental and physical stimulation but most importantly that they are in control of the kids at all time without having to run after them.

HailAdrian · 09/02/2022 10:18

@Regularsizedrudy

Do what you want, no one cares

This is probably the best response, actually.

Seeline · 09/02/2022 10:20

What age are the children involved - kindergarten covers different settings in different countries

Meatshake · 09/02/2022 10:27

Depends how obese we are talking. I'm morbidly obese and swim-sprint two miles twice a week, ride a scooter with the kids on the school run, I do three fitness classes a week and am as fit as I can be for my size. My size is mostly controlled by PCOS and I try to otherwise live a healthy and active lifestyle.

However if you're talking about candidates for "my 500 lb life" type obesity where movement is restricted then I wouldn't blame you, there's no way that's safe.

Vieve1325 · 09/02/2022 10:32

I work in childcare in a corporate role. I wouldn't judge someone for their weight, but for me if their weight negatively affected their ability to practice then its a genuine concern. And by practice - I mean from lifting and moving children safely, getting up and down off the floor, and if your nursery has stairs - being able to move quickly enough to remove children from danger should there be a fire etc.

I am a size 16, but I am fit and healthy with it. I have colleagues the same size as me who struggle with a set of stairs.

Clymene · 09/02/2022 10:37

I have a friend who is size 20-22 who regularly completes triathlons. Assuming fat = unfit is erroneous

DropYourSword · 09/02/2022 11:01

You can make any decision you want about where you send your child.

But I think you're an absolute spoon for unnecessarily posting on here about your judgemental twattery

alorslanon · 09/02/2022 11:06

@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme

You don't have to send your children to the Kindergarten, and if your reason is illogical that's still up to you.

This is spot on. You don’t like fat people, whatever. But there’s no basis for your prejudice here.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 09/02/2022 11:24

@bluebikehelmet which country are you in? Kindergarten in the countries I have experience of is not nursery but at a minimum 3-7 year olds (in some cases 5-6 year olds) and run by staff with degree equivalent qualifications. Is that the kind of Kindergarten you mean?

LittleGwyneth · 09/02/2022 12:53

As lots of other people have said, it's entirely your choice where you send your children. But I find your reasoning fairly unpleasant and if you were my friend in real life it would make me feel less well disposed towards you if I heard you say that.

Plenty of fat people are fit enough to be great with kids and plenty of thin people are lazy childcare providers. Personally I would have looked further into the standard of care etc, but it's your money and your choice.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/02/2022 12:55

I really feel like this is a decision you could have made yourself without posting on MN

slashlover · 09/02/2022 13:00

Can some people really not make any decisions without consulting MN? @bluebikehelmet do what you think it best for your children, you really don't need MN's input on everything.

Rossnagoose · 09/02/2022 13:08

Look, I didn't send DS to a pre-school because the woman who ran it said 'Boys will be boys!' when she showed me around. But I managed to arrive at that decision solo.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 09/02/2022 13:11

It doesn't sound like you're fatshaming at all.

You're assuming that their obesity means they are less likely to have the energy and physical capability to run around after children. I think that's a pretty likely scenario. Weight is very much strongly linked to physical capability.

You can send your child where you like. Whatever the reason, if you get a bad feeling, go elsewhere.

Crimesean · 09/02/2022 13:28

@vivainsomnia

I don't agree at all. I wouldn't have wanted my kids to go to a nursery/kindergarten where workers are running after kids to avoid them getting injured.

Ah yes, toddlers are notoriously easy to control with just your voice at all times

Young children are always doing dangerous things, even if the environment is as safe as a nursery - they bite each other, hit each other, push each other over, throw things...etc. They can also choke on their food. If there's a fire, they might panic and need to be carried out.

Looking after toddlers is a very physical job.

Original poster

bluebikehelmet · 09/02/2022 14:57

I appreciate all the responses on here, so thank you all..

I guess I posted because I agree about how unfair it is to fat shame. I have a close family member and friends who are obese but are wonderful mums and I would happily leave my kids with them anytime. I was self reflecting this morning on exactly why I arrived at my decision and wanted some views.

These two ladies would be the only two looking after a group of max. 12 children between the ages of 18months and 6 years old. They are the owners, managers and teachers at this school.

When I was having my introduction one of the ladies struggled to get herself out of her chair. They would both need two airline seats if flying (as someone used that as a descriptor). It was more than that though, they didn't look like they had energy, they were wearing what looked like old pyjama bottoms, like they had just rolled out of bed. I don't expect them to dress up for working with kids, but I don't think that they looked especially on top of the day either. Greasy hair etc etc...

If there was one obese teacher like this and few others who weren't I probably wouldn't have an issue, but leaving my two in the sole care of these two ladies left me uneasy.

I was worried I was being a dick and I apologise if that's how I come across...but I guess it was the general feel of the place anyway, compounded by their weight and unkemptness that led me to my conclusion

I was also so disappointed as finding a suitable place here is really difficult and this would have been the solution I had been so desperate for...but I will continue my search.

And to the poster who said this is a thread inspired by another thread, I have no idea what you're talking about? Sorry!!

OP posts:

Hadjab · 09/02/2022 15:16

When I was having my introduction one of the ladies struggled to get herself out of her chair. They would both need two airline seats if flying (as someone used that as a descriptor)

We get it, they’re fat. You’re just being bitchy now.

Cupofteapleaseguvnor · 09/02/2022 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

gwenneh · 09/02/2022 16:59

I will continue my search.

Do. They deserve better clients.

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