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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had enough of family congratulating DC achievements

57 replies

Snarkysparky · 08/02/2022 22:37

DP is from a big family, lots of nieces and nephews and all close and nice

However, they are quite competitive and lots of the children excel in sports. The what’s app group is an endless stream of ‘well done Tom and team for coming first in u14 schools rugby’ etc etc. The DC are not on this WhatsApp group but the aunts and uncles all pile in with ‘well done Tom’ Why, I don’t know as Tom can’t see the messages.
It’s also focused on one or two all the time

AIBU to think we really don’t need to be kept updated on our nieces and nephews sporting achievements (county good, not nationally good) and this is just parents stealth boasting
Or is this just a way of families keeping each other updated with ‘the news’ I was taught not boast so this is all a bit alien to me

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 08/02/2022 22:40

Well this is one of the more miserable posts I’ve ever read on Mumsnet… congratulating someone or sharing your childrens’ achievements isn’t some sort of badly brought up boasting. Jesus.

Lime37 · 08/02/2022 22:40

I love knowing what my niece and nephews are doing and shareing things about my kids

gwenneh · 08/02/2022 22:41

@user1473878824

Well this is one of the more miserable posts I’ve ever read on Mumsnet… congratulating someone or sharing your childrens’ achievements isn’t some sort of badly brought up boasting. Jesus.
Agreed. How miserable can you be?
Badnightguaranteed · 08/02/2022 22:41

This is normal. Celebrating achievements isn’t boasting!

Original poster
Snarkysparky · 08/02/2022 22:42

Ok fair enough, it’s just me and maybe I am being miserable. Bad mood clearly

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 08/02/2022 22:42

This is just a different culture between your family and theirs. Nothing wrong either way. Mute the group if it's too irritating.

ChrissyPlummer · 08/02/2022 22:43

For me it’s like when parents put ‘happy birthday’ posts for their DC on Facebook. No point, as in most cases the kid can’t read and/or isn’t old enough to be on social media. So it’s just to get loads of people saying happy birthday.

If relatives want to say ‘well done’, surely they could phone/message the DC personally?

sunflowerdaisyrose · 08/02/2022 22:43

Sharing with grandparents and aunties and uncles should be the people you can be really proud in front of without looking like you're showing off! We have a family group both sides and share things like this and I love hearing about their achievements and sharing my children's.

DockOTheBay · 08/02/2022 22:44

Just mute the group. I think its nice, its not hurting anyone.
Do you have kids too? Are they included in this or are they not good at sport?

Retisestress · 08/02/2022 22:44

Absolutely nothing wrong with sharing family news and achievements.
My children always know that I am proud of them and yes I do share my pride with others!

HewasH2O · 08/02/2022 22:45

Presumably Tom isn't your child then. You could always remove yourself from the WhatsApp group if it makes you bitter.

Quirrelsotherface · 08/02/2022 22:45

I like to know about my families achievements but I agree with you that these type of family groups can get competitive.

My BIL is like this with DNiece, who is the only little girl on this entire planet dontcha know. When it gets too much I mute the notifications for a bit, then when I'm in a better mood I pop back on there Grin

Onlyforcake · 08/02/2022 22:45

Look, I'm not into sports at all. But I've always been supportive on the rare occasion I hear about the successes of members of my wider family at anything at all really. I don't hear often as there's no WhatsApp group or such, so it's only when I see people in person. If your own family can't say "well done" then who is going to?

Original poster
Snarkysparky · 08/02/2022 22:46

Mine included and decent at sport and v good at music, we just just don’t share. I think it’s just a family difference as early poster said. Fair enough and yes too right family isn’t boasting. I do sound mean spirited when I read back Grin

OP posts:
2tired2bewitty · 08/02/2022 22:46

Presumably the parents of the child in question can say “Grandma and Grandad say we’ll done”, or whatever?

whiteroseredrose · 08/02/2022 22:46

@Snarkysparky

Ok fair enough, it’s just me and maybe I am being miserable. Bad mood clearly
I'm miserable too then!

Drove me mad when we used to get letters in Christmas cards from Canadian aunts and uncles. All about how amazingly well the cousins were doing blah blah blah.

To be fair, we've spoken about it as adults and my cousins found it excruciatingly too.

Parents being show-offs.

Wowzel · 08/02/2022 22:47

County sport is still a pretty good achievement though, even if it isn't national!

I am still proud of playing an under 16 county sport and i'm 40 now! Smile

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2022 22:48

They sound lovely. Why do you resent Tom?

WorriedGiraffe · 08/02/2022 22:48

It’s a family chat! YABU and the kids hear about it cos the parents can show them the messages obviously! Or even just tell the kids ‘auntie misery guys says well done’ or whatever. Guessing you either don’t have kids or they don’t achieve much.

HopefulRose · 08/02/2022 22:48

@Snarkysparky ask yourself why it's bothering you so much, sounds like it's highlighting something you're self conscious of?

Comparison is the thief of joy. Be happy for them and focus on yourself.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 22:49

I’m not interested in this stuff so am not on SM (except this, obvs.(.

If it bothers you, don’t read it. Really not that difficult.

Pedalpushers · 08/02/2022 22:49

I'm going to go against the grain here and say this sounds really annoying. I'm in a whatsapp group where the nieces and nephews aren't old enough for sporting achievements so it's endless photos of whatever inane thing they're doing that day, congrats X for climbing over this fence, well done X for singing a song, it drives me mad.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 22:50

Pedalpushers

I'm going to go against the grain here and say this sounds really annoying. I'm in a whatsapp group where the nieces and nephews aren't old enough for sporting achievements so it's endless photos of whatever inane thing they're doing that day, congrats X for climbing over this fence, well done X for singing a song, it drives me mad.“

So don’t look at it.

Pedalpushers · 08/02/2022 22:51

@MrsSkylerWhite oh wow, my little brain never thought of that!

AlexaShutUp · 08/02/2022 22:53

I think sharing stuff like this within the family group is very different from sharing with other parents. It isn't boasting when it's family.

My nephew and dd are both high achievers. Neither dsis nor I would talk much about their achievements to people we know, but we do share things with each other and with our parents. Why wouldn't we? We all love the kids in question and we all celebrate their achievements with them.

It's rather sad that someone might find this inappropriate. I would understand if it was on a chat with a bunch of other parents but a family chat is fine imo.