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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have had enough of family congratulating DC achievements

57 replies

Snarkysparky · 08/02/2022 22:37

DP is from a big family, lots of nieces and nephews and all close and nice

However, they are quite competitive and lots of the children excel in sports. The what’s app group is an endless stream of ‘well done Tom and team for coming first in u14 schools rugby’ etc etc. The DC are not on this WhatsApp group but the aunts and uncles all pile in with ‘well done Tom’ Why, I don’t know as Tom can’t see the messages.
It’s also focused on one or two all the time

AIBU to think we really don’t need to be kept updated on our nieces and nephews sporting achievements (county good, not nationally good) and this is just parents stealth boasting
Or is this just a way of families keeping each other updated with ‘the news’ I was taught not boast so this is all a bit alien to me

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 08/02/2022 22:54

My cousins put a ton of stuff on our family chat group about their little kids. We live in a different country from them, so I love seeing the updates personally. I'm find them adorable.

OutdoorType · 08/02/2022 22:55

I'd probably mute it tbh. I'm v miserable about WhatsApp groups too.

melj1213 · 08/02/2022 22:58

Yabu

If you can't celebrate family achievements in a family WhatsApp group then where can you?

We have definitely used ours more over the last 2/3 years as we haven't all been able to get together as much as we would have done pre-Covid - we would regularly have a whole family BBQ/Sunday dinner/birthday tea etc where we would see each other and catch up with family news, but over the last couple of years we haven't been able to do that so relied on the WhatsApp instead.

It can feel a bit much to constantly get updates, but is because we'd usually have a weekly/fortnightly "news round up" but now we can get a constant daily stream so when I feel overwhelmed or if there is a lot of "news" in a short space of time I just mute the group for a few days/weeks till it has died down again

Ionlydomassiveones · 08/02/2022 22:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

MrsSkylerWhite · 08/02/2022 22:58

So why do you continue to look at it then complain on SM? Do you complain to them?

D0lphine · 08/02/2022 22:59

Another vote for mute the group.

Sure it's them who is competitive?

Some of my cousins are amazing at sport- one played nationally. Never felt this way about it!

BurntO · 08/02/2022 22:59

Stealth boasts? On a family chat? You sound bitter AF. They aren’t stealth boasts, they are sharing moments of pride with family, who they assume feel the same. If you don’t care, leave the chat. If it was Facebook I’d understand but a family chat?? Didn’t need to check twice to know you were referring to in laws

Popskipiekin · 08/02/2022 23:02

My aunts do this … and my cousins are late 30s/40s. Now that’s when it gets a bit too much! Grin DBro and I cackle to each other about it privately, but I let it slide and join in with the congrats, it’s fairly harmless.

ladycarlotta · 08/02/2022 23:02

I must say our extended family WhatsApp group has been the best thing to come out of Covid for me. It's really sweet hearing about what all the cousins and their kids are up to, or that my granddad's sister had a pub lunch for her eightieth or whatever. I've never thought it was at all attention seeking or futile. It's just nice, to share these little pleasures in some way.

Fairylightsongs · 08/02/2022 23:03

That just sounds bitter and resentful op. Of course they should share and congratulate success and whomever the parent is will pass it on.

Why are you being so mean and objecting to children being congratulated by their own family?

ANameChangeAgain · 08/02/2022 23:04

We used to have a Round Robin from a relative who moved away, with news of her dc excelling in this and storming at that. Facebook is their new platform to let us know how well they and their dc are doing. It is a bit braggy, but I don't mind, we wouldn't know what they are up to otherwise.

merryhouse · 08/02/2022 23:08

They probably think it's the one place they can squee about how proud they are without someone thinking they're all big-headed and stuck-up

clpsmum · 08/02/2022 23:11

@user1473878824

Well this is one of the more miserable posts I’ve ever read on Mumsnet… congratulating someone or sharing your childrens’ achievements isn’t some sort of badly brought up boasting. Jesus.
this

Leave the group or at least mute it. How awful to be so annoyed at people being proud of their children/nephews & nieces

saraclara · 08/02/2022 23:13

Yep. The only people you can really share your kids' achievements with are family. I was lucky enough to marry into a really generous and warm family who appreciated hearing about them. And their generosity of spirit rubbed off on me, so I appreciated hearing about my niece and nephew's news too. All four kids had very different interests and skills, so it wasn't really competitive, it was just positive and warm.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 08/02/2022 23:14

Wow really miserable and also a couple of others here.

‘Only county level’ - wow Hmm

Snoopsnoggysnog · 08/02/2022 23:15

And yes I have multiple family WhatsApp groups where we all post what the DC have been up to, any tiny achievement is celebrated (DC are not on the group), I love seeing what the little ones are up to and the sporting achievements of the older ones.

MichelleScarn · 08/02/2022 23:17

AIBU to think we really don’t need to be kept updated on our nieces and nephews sporting achievements (county good, not nationally good)

Ooo ouch! Am assuming with the disdain here you/your offspring are GLOBALLY good at things?

FloBot7 · 08/02/2022 23:18

It sounds quite harmless and who knows, they might be sharing with the children "uncle Dave says congratulations"

I used to roll my eyes at people posting things like "happy 4th birthday to my lovely boy" on Facebook. It was always followed by 50 happy birthday messages from random people as if the child was personally receiving them. Then I was with a friend when she did it and her son looked so delighted to see all of the birthday wishes rolling in and I realised I was being really mean and an idiot to assume they wouldn't see.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2022 23:27

It isn't boasting to tell family how well their relative has done at something important to them. And surely you pass on the "Aunty Gertrude said well done"

user1471604848 · 08/02/2022 23:27

Haha, on my family's WhatsApp group, we hear about the pets' achievements! (Eg Rover completed Level 1 of obedience training). It's harmless and good fun!

I also love hearing about my nieces and nephews achievements.

Kite22 · 08/02/2022 23:28

I'm inclined to agree with the first reply.

If you can't have a little "proud Mum / Dad" moment to your own family and siblings, then who can you tell ?

Fair play for coming back and agreeing though I think this is quite sad.
Mine included and decent at sport and v good at music, we just just don’t share ....
One of the things that still makes me sad about the fact my parents died when my dc were very little, is that I can't say
"Fred's tooth came out today"
"Jane scored a try at rugby today"
"Peter has just got his Challenge badge at cubs"
"Claire saved a penalty in her match today"
"Bobby just swam his first 5m badge today"
"Mary got a certificate in assembly for being kind"
etc

Kite22 · 08/02/2022 23:30

But what I mean is, my Mum and Dad would be interested in "their news" and proud of each little achievement.
I think it's sad that you don't tell family of your own dcs' achievements, or even news.

newnameforthis76 · 08/02/2022 23:44

Personally, when my nieces and nephews do well at something, I’m pleased to hear about it. It’s not competitive and it’s not boasting. Their parents are sharing this stuff because most relatives would see it as good news. They’re family. They’re not bragging, they’re sharing good news about their kids to people who are supposed to be pleased for them. It’s not their fault that you are actively resentful of the achievements of a bunch of kids.

Newdad19 · 08/02/2022 23:52

I get you OP.

We are the same. It seems like every other sibling/cousin constantly boast and announce every minor achievement they or their children have whereas I am from a background of not being boastful or rubbing your successes in others face. I think its nice to hear of their success but when you are naturally not inclined to do the same you end up feeling almost resentful because you are proud of your own successes but just dont need to share them so publicly

Littlehouseonthefairy · 08/02/2022 23:56

"County good, not nationally good"

😆😆. You are a peach!