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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DC to start P 1 a year early?

60 replies

SidSparrow · 08/02/2022 16:57

DC goes to a rural nursery, she loves and loves the friends that she has made there. But come August her close circle will be moving to P1 and she will have to do another year. My heart is breaking for her as there is one girl she is really close with. If DC had been born 2 and a half weeks earlier then she would have been going into P1 with them. She just missed the cut off.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want her to be sad, and I know that she might only be upset for a little bit, but at the same time I don't want her to be underchallenged and bored in another year of nursery. On the other hand I don't want her to struggle if she is allowed to go into P1 early.

I don't know what to look for either to see if she could manage. She seems bright enough to me, good vocabulary, and will quietly get on with a task if you give her one. But I don't really know what too look for.

Any suggestions? Anyone been at the same crossroads? 🥺

OP posts:
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:00

Surely you can’t even if you want her to?
My DC1 just missed the cut off too, and would have been more than ready to start school a year earlier. But she couldn’t, because it isn’t permitted. Is it different in Scotland?

nonevernotever · 08/02/2022 17:04

I think it is different in Scotland, but our cut off point is end January not 01 September. Think January and February birthday s have a choice of which year they go into

nonevernotever · 08/02/2022 17:05

But I don't see any mention of Scotland in op's post? It seems rather drastic to move to Scotland for this.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:06

@nonevernotever

But I don't see any mention of Scotland in op's post? It seems rather drastic to move to Scotland for this.
She says P1… this is usually Scottish terminology isn’t it? I’ve never heard it called that anywhere else anyway! I may be wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️
ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:06

@nonevernotever

I think it is different in Scotland, but our cut off point is end January not 01 September. Think January and February birthday s have a choice of which year they go into
Ah ok that’s interesting, thank you.
Smurf123 · 08/02/2022 17:09

We say P1 in Northern Ireland too and it's not possible to start them early.
I would say though at her age she'll probably not even really notice after the summer break and will likely benefit from the extra year in nursery

Original poster
SidSparrow · 08/02/2022 17:09

I am in Scotland and the cut off is end of February. I don't think I do have a choice but if I think it would be better for her I'll push for it. But I don't want to make a fuss if it's not right for her. I also think with it being a rural nursery the class size won't be much at all.

My friend's DC's birthday is the same and she said that by Christmas he was bored and kept moaning about it.

OP posts:
BestKnitterInScotland · 08/02/2022 17:13

You mean your child's birthday is at the beginning of March?

I have had three children going through school in Scotland and have never, ever heard of anyone sending their child to school early. In fact, most of the January and February born children round here are deferred and go to school when they are 5.5 not 4.5. You would be doing your child an enormous disservice shoving her into P1 in August as the very youngest and for what - because of a transient, 4 year old's friendship? Yes, she might be best buddies with Sophie now, and is sad that Sophie is going to school and she's not, but come August she'll be excited about being the big girl at nursery with the rest of the Rising Fives, and her new best friend will be Claire, or Anna or Euan. Children of that age are ridiculously fickle. And she can still see her old friend after school.

ANY decent nursery will be differentiating activities for older children and if they are not, then you should be asking why. My oldest (born first week in March) learned so much about all sorts of things in his Rising 5 year and it prepared him so much better for starting school. They did gardening, made a bird table, did cooking, litter picking, all sorts of stuff. As well as numeracy and literacy.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:14

If your child is bored at school in P1 then thats a problem with the school. They should be engaging all children of all abilities. DD1 could read/write sentences etc before starting school but she wasn’t bored because everything was made fun and engaging for them.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:14

And they shouldn’t really be bored at nursery either for the same reason.

Original poster
SidSparrow · 08/02/2022 17:17

@BestKnitterInScotland

Thank you!! I'm going to save your response in my notes. It's what I needed to hear. I feel that way deep down but I am emotionally torn because of the split with her friends.

But, when I feel that way I will read your response.

Thank you!!

OP posts:
randomsabreuse · 08/02/2022 17:21

It's allegedly vaguely possible in some councils (East Dunbartonshire) as there's a form. I looked into it as we were moving up mid year and DD had already started reception in England but was well under the age cut off (August) for P1 in Scotland.

Given the age difference was 6-8 months we didn't pursue it (plus a pandemic happened)! It might be possible with the support of the nursery, however she'll be 17 for the whole of the first year of university even if she does S6 so there are consequences at the other end of school...

DD has been in a mixed age class since starting and has done a fair amount of work with the year above (because she'd done a good chunk of the P1 syllabus in reception) although socially she fits better into her age class.

UndertheCedartree · 08/02/2022 17:22

My DD stayed in nursery for reception year. Lots of her little friends went off to school (but not all) and she was fine. Her 'best friend' went but she coped ok. It was really great for her being one of the eldest in the class and she gained so much being in a small class (18) with 3 'teachers'. She loved it and wasn't bored atall. It was a great nursery and they gave each child some 1:1 time everyday. There were 3 classes and she went into the top one for that year. Will your DD go up a class? Hopefully this will reassure you a bit. When DD left only one went with her and again she was fine and soon made friends. It is 5 form entry so no guarantee any DC from the same nursery would be in the same class, anyway.

BestKnitterInScotland · 08/02/2022 17:22

It's also worth running through the "what ifs" - what if you did send her. OK, so she'd start P1 at 4 and a bit as the youngest. Some of the deferred kids could be 15 months older than her.

She'd go up to secondary at 11, not 12 like many. She'd be sitting her Nat 5s when she had just turned 15, her Highers at just turned 16. She'd be leaving school at the end of S6 when she was just 17 and a couple of months old. Starting Uni the following October not being allowed to legally have a drink in the student union with her mates until the following March.

Really, it's SO much better for them being one of the oldest in the year.

Your DD can't see the biggest picture because she's only 4 but you can and should. And don't be afraid to raise concerns with the nursery if they don't appear to be differentiating. It's been a while since I had kids in pre-school but it was all about learning journeys and next steps, and setting targets appropriate to the child. GIRFEC - getting it right for every child.

Weclome · 08/02/2022 17:32

My DC is a jan birthday and we chose to send them to p1 when they were 5.5 not 4.5.
It was absolutely the right decision for them. They absolutely thrived at school, loved every minute. They didn't struggle at school, doing advanced highers now and have an unconditional offer for uni.
They also embraced the extra curricular activities.
I am convinced this was due to them being one of the eldest in his class. We did speak to family who are head teachers/teachers and every single one said to defer entry so that they enjoyed school without struggling to keep up.
I don't know anyone in Scotland who has sent their DC to school early so I can't compare the 2 but being the oldest in the class was def the right thing for my DC

Snaketime · 08/02/2022 17:38

My DD is a May baby and I could have held her back a year because of it if I had wanted to, but I didn't. She is the youngest in her year by a long way and is struggling more than the rest. My DS is a September baby and I did ask about moving him up to school early and they do not allow it.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 17:43

DD1 mentioned above is nearly the eldest in her year, DD2 (July baby) is the youngest in hers. DD2 isn’t struggling but being the youngest certainly has its disadvantages.

jerometheturnipking · 08/02/2022 17:52

YABU - better to be the oldest in the year than the youngest, and more and more parents are moving to defer their Jan/Feb born children. I teach primary - give her the time. We have children who are late Jan/Feb born who have come to school to early and would have really benefitted socially and emotionally from being deferred and having an extra year again in nursery.

Nursery children shouldn't be bored if the staff are observing the children properly, and extending their play in line with the early years curriculum.

Schmoozer · 08/02/2022 17:58

My DD was born near the cut off date and luckily was born in the right side - so
She’s one of the eldest in her year
It’s an evidence based advantage

Thecommentsmakemechuckle · 08/02/2022 18:00

This wasn’t an issue for me as my daughter is a May birthday but most of my friends with children who could go at 4.5 or 5.5 have deferred. I know my friends looked at the later years, so not so much in primary but up in secondary and starting younger or being younger starting college which is where it might be more noticeable. My daughter went to a private nursery near my work so didn’t have any friends who moved up to school with her, she made lots of lovely new friends though and is thriving. I guess when your daughter’s friends move up to school she’ll make new friends and if you’re rural, I assume they’ll all start school together too.

Hugasauras · 08/02/2022 18:01

Children shouldn't be bored in a proper nursery setup. DD is Feb born and we will be holding her back. Our nursery is well set up to cater for children of that age.

Also, where we are, the nursery kids will be going to various different primary schools anyway. Kids make new friends, and at age 4 I think friendships aren't worth altering your child's future around. She will make new friends. The friends she has might not be friends in one year or two.

museumum · 08/02/2022 18:02

Sorry but it’s a terrible idea. Nationally (if not in your school) a lot of Jan and Feb born children are held back so a mid-March child will be very very young in the cohort (if it was even allowed) as a teen she’d be able to drive, drink etc a whole year later than her friends, there would be issues with sports, clubs like brownies etc all based on age.

Mo1911 · 08/02/2022 18:03

I would be cautious in all honesty. I have a very bright son (top 3% of the population), Scottish and a February birthday. He was bored at nursery but he wasn't age to go until he was four and a half although by the look of things he would have coped with school early. Instead he went when he was due and for the first couple of years all was well but when he hit P3 you could really see the differences opening up between the older ones in the class and the younger ones.

The older ones just seemed to manage time, organisational skills etc better than the younger ones although academically for him, the teaching wasn't an issue, he didn't have as easy a time coping with school stuff as the older ones.

I tutored maths and English when he was at school and I worked with one boy who was in the year under my son but was a week older, he'd started at five and a half not for any other reason other than the parents were given the choice.

The older boy in the year under my son definitely had things easier in terms of coping with the ins and outs of school and made me wish that I'd held my son back despite nursery being boring for him and his friends going a year ahead.

Don't rush your little one to school. In many European countries they don't start school until 7, which seems to work very well.

Michellexxx · 08/02/2022 18:03

Absolutely agree with pp. do not send her early. My child is also feb birthday in scotland and we deferred her a year, I’m so happy we did.
I’m also a secondary teacher and if you look into data, very young pupils, especially boys, do achieve less once they’re sitting exams etc.
she will make new friends- this is one of her life lessons ! She’ll be fine and my daughter loves being one of the eldest- there’s also a marked difference between her and those who have nov/dec birthdays even.

Womencanlift · 08/02/2022 18:04

A relative of mine has a birthday towards the end of March and she managed to get in when technically she should have been the following year (this was early 90s so may have changed since then)

If I remember right they had to go for an “assessment” to see if they were fit enough to go in so early which they obviously passed.

No impact to education and left school years later with straight A’s and then a first class degree

Reasons for going in early was similar to your dilemma OP