Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want DC to start P 1 a year early?

60 replies

SidSparrow · 08/02/2022 16:57

DC goes to a rural nursery, she loves and loves the friends that she has made there. But come August her close circle will be moving to P1 and she will have to do another year. My heart is breaking for her as there is one girl she is really close with. If DC had been born 2 and a half weeks earlier then she would have been going into P1 with them. She just missed the cut off.

I really don't know what to do. I don't want her to be sad, and I know that she might only be upset for a little bit, but at the same time I don't want her to be underchallenged and bored in another year of nursery. On the other hand I don't want her to struggle if she is allowed to go into P1 early.

I don't know what to look for either to see if she could manage. She seems bright enough to me, good vocabulary, and will quietly get on with a task if you give her one. But I don't really know what too look for.

Any suggestions? Anyone been at the same crossroads? 🥺

OP posts:
FelicityPike · 08/02/2022 18:04

I’ve sat in on “assessments” for want of a better word for early P1 admissions. 3 boys missed the cut off by 1 day.
Not one got admitted.
One fell asleep in the classroom. One wouldn’t follow instructions and one was average. It’s just not a “done thing”.
Sorry, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up.
Oh and it wasn’t my decisions btw.

JaninaDuszejko · 08/02/2022 18:11

Let her be one of the oldest. I have 3DC and one was one of the youngest in the year and while she didn't struggle she clearly didn't settle into school as well as her siblings who were both one of the oldest in their year. She's now 12 and doing very well but it's been a very gradual catching up over years. I think in Scotland where so many are held back you really don't want to be the youngest in a 'year' that actually spans 15 months.

MazzleDazzle · 08/02/2022 18:37

If it’s a rural school the classes will likely be composite anyway so she’ll likely be mixed with older (and younger) pupils.

Boombastic22 · 08/02/2022 18:40

You’re mad.

My child is the youngest in the class and I wish he was the oldest. You’re being very naive about these friendships, they’ll forget them soon enough. You need some perspective here.

MazzleDazzle · 08/02/2022 18:41

As a secondary school teacher I often look at a pupil’s birthday and wish their parents had waited to put them to school. Not once, in my 17 years of teaching, have I ever thought that a pupil should have been in the year above. Not once.

I’m sure many kids seem like they’d manage when they are 4/5 years old, but when they’re 14/15/16 the gap is huge - more so in terms of social intelligence.

viques · 08/02/2022 18:50

It s not just age and emotional maturity, there is also physical age and maturity, both in being able to cope with a long busy day (even for older children in the class reception can be a hard slog, for the youngest it can be debilitating) there is also physical maturity for holding a pencil, writing letters and numbers, being able to run, jump and hop in PE, throw and catch a ball. The oldest in the class can have all these advantages, which can lead to greater self confidence and enjoyment of learning. Small things, but they add up.

Confrontayshunme · 08/02/2022 19:03

Both my girls have had friends in the year above who "left" them behind in nursery but the "friendships" they form in nursery are SO superficial and I wouldn't worry about the loss having negative effects. Also, being the oldest in her nursery means a lot of privileges and benefits she won't get when she is the last to have a birthday in her year. I was born at the end of August, and as a teen, it is agonising to be the youngest and last to be able to do anything.

Wannakisstheteacher · 08/02/2022 19:14

Never, ever push for them to be the youngest. DH was the youngest (naturally, not by parental choice) and spent the whole of Freshers week on his own as he was 17. The gap isn’t massive now, but believe me when your child is 12 and some of the year are 14 it will be stark.

JustWonderingIfYou · 08/02/2022 19:37

Youngest in the year come out as disadvantaged and less successful through life- not just school but in general!

Why do you think so many threads about deferring a year for summer born children in England.

I don't think I'd sacrifice so much for friendships of 4 year old!

CaptainMerica · 08/02/2022 19:48

Both my DS are March birthdays.

My oldest isn't anywhere near the oldest in his class, as everyone seems to defer from December onwards. I do feel that being a year older really helped him settle at school, especially with all the home schooling the past couple of years, and the need to work independently.

My youngest is almost 5 now, and still at nursery. He is ready for school, but I think the next 6 months at nursery is still going to do him good.

So I really wouldn't worry about it.

ChocolateMassacre · 08/02/2022 20:10

Physically and socially the youngest ones often seem to struggle even if they're more than capable of keeping up academically.

Kitkat151 · 08/02/2022 20:33

My GD started reception at 4 with her BF from nursery.....she’s now in year 1 and has 3 Different BF....she still plays with the other little girl but not very much these days

Riggle · 08/02/2022 21:07

Scottish kids can defer if they have a birthday after August, although it’s more common for Jan/Feb birthdays to do so. That can mean there is a large age gap between the oldest and youngest in a class. My kids were friends with older children at nursery and were a bit sad to see them leave, but they made other friends. They’ve since rekindled some of those older friendships in the playground at school, even though they are in different classes.

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 08/02/2022 21:13

There's nothing you can do.

But also - you need to think of the long game. The chances are she wouldn't be friends with them long term.

Yes she's academically able, but socially and emotionally it's by far better to wait as long as possible to start formal education. She's much more likely to excel and feel secure in education if starting later (there's lots of evidence showing September borns do better and have better mental health than their Summerborn counterparts).

I would honestly not even think about the friendship aspect, she'll make new friends easily and can keep her other friends outside of school

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 08/02/2022 21:15

You can't do this even if you want to so better just prepare her for her friends moving into P1. Many of the January and Feb birthdays are encouraged to defer these days. Children are resilient at this age, she won't be sad for long and a good nursery should be child led and able to challenge your DD where appropriate.

jocktamsonsbairn · 08/02/2022 21:22

You'll be doing her a massive favour at the other end of her school life by not pushing for this. She won't be too young sitting her exams and will be more mature when she leaves school. If she goes on to uni she'll be 18 or 17 rather than 17 or 16 which means she'll have that extra years maturity and can go out socialising in bars and clubs which is a massive part of student life. Let her have another year of play, it's more beneficial in the long term.

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:31

Personally, I’d go for it. She won’t be ‘behind’ because she’s 2 weeks younger. The youngest 9 year old in my class has the reading age of a 16 year old. Listen to your gut and go for it mama!

Stompythedinosaur · 08/02/2022 21:34

It's much better to be the oldest dc rather than the youngest dc. She will make new friends.

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:35

Also, the French/international system starts a year ahead of us. Your child is in an international world.

Meaning, when I graduated at 21, very nearly 22 (oldest in my year), my friend graduated with a First in Law at the age of 20 and 1 day (youngest in her year). I felt a huge injustice that she had a two year head start on life, earnings, career etc

LlamaLucy · 08/02/2022 21:37

Why is best to be the oldest? I’d way rather have been the youngest - what a head start in life!

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 08/02/2022 21:42

@LlamaLucy

Why is best to be the oldest? I’d way rather have been the youngest - what a head start in life!
You talk as though being a child, and being in education, isn’t ‘life’ Grin. Not sure why there would be so much rush to get out into the world of work and bills. Anyway, data shows that the youngest in the year struggle more academically and socially. Obviously there will be children who don’t fit this mould, such as your anecdote.
Blueeilidh · 08/02/2022 21:44

Are you sure all her friends are moving up. I've heard there are far more deferral applications this year for to children missing nursery because of Covid.

BleachedGusset · 08/02/2022 21:47

My son was born in February and we kept him back at nursery. He made new friends in P1 and is the oldest boy in his year. Didn't harm him at all. Kids are very adaptable. Do what you feel is right, it'll work out okay.

CecilyP · 08/02/2022 21:48

I am in Scotland and the cut off is end of February. I don't think I do have a choice but if I think it would be better for her I'll push for it. But I don't want to make a fuss if it's not right for her. I also think with it being a rural nursery the class size won't be much at all.

It is possible but you would normally have to contact your local authority and they will make an assessment. If you ask at the school, they will advise you. It used to be more common before the advent of nursery education. Since then, it has been more common for parents to hold January and February birthdays backs year.

TheNinny · 08/02/2022 21:53

I know 1 person who fought to start her daughter a year early (20-something years ago). It was a bad move as she had learning difficulties and spent most of her school years really struggling with pretty much everything. She was immature for her age although her mum couldn’t see it and realistically was 2 years behind her classmates. Not that example this would be your like your daughter at all. But she was also the only person I know who was meant to school early.