Have I been a bit silly? Buying a house when not married/engaged

[icannotbebothered]

Hey all.. so I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 33, we have been together for 5.5 years. We moved in together when we had been together for 3 years and we are currently in the process of buying a flat together and have put in roughly equal amounts for the deposit etc.

I don't want to give loads and loads of background info because my question isn't whether or not he wants to marry me.. tbh my question isn't really to do with him, i'm just wondering if I've been silly starting the process of buying somewhere with someone who hasn't proposed or who hasn't given any inclination that he wants to get married, beyond just saying he does? (As in, actions speak louder than words)

Mumsnet talks a lot about women having children with men they aren't married to and how marriage is a legal protection etc etc, can similar be said for buying property??

I would definitely speak to him about future plans before proceeding. Yes you’d always be able to sell the flat and split the money but prior to that happening you’ve either got to live with someone you’re separated from or one of you leave your own property. Doable but messy and potentially unpleasant.

Easier to be open and honest now.

Sadly, I agree that if after all this time he's not proposed, it's unlikely to happen iff his own bat & do you really want to marry someone who needs to be coerced down the aisle??

So you need to consider your time line for having babies, You need to give yourself the time to meet someone else, get married & have babies.

OTOH, buying a flat together I think will convert your 'gift' to a deposit, when you sell this property you've bought together.

IF you buy with him, look at the length of time you fix your rate for, (not the length of your mortgage) because you don't want to be paying ERC (early repayment charges).

However, that's a hard road emotionally, (choosing to live with a man you want to marry), for financial reasons.

Also it's harder & harder to walk away from a relationship, the more joint commitments you make. & it's easier to try to convince yourself it doesn't matter.

Plus more chance of an accidental pregnancy.

Emotionally you're best to have the tough conversation now.

Financially you're (probably) best to buy the flat & 'convert' your 'gift' to a deposit. (But best to ask a mortgage broker to confirm that)

Best wishes.

I didn’t want to get a joint mortgage before engagement with a set wedding date, and didn’t.

If you proceed, would get a good legal agreement, and consider what you’d do in the event of a breakup if the property value went down.

While @MistOverTheDowns is perhaps a little harsh I tend to agree. I also agree with everything @Suprima says.

This is your life so should run to your timetable and be on your terms - don't be afraid of laying out what you want from life.

Like you I spent 18-22 with someone who was not right. I knew I wanted to be married, that marriage was important to me. I was 26 when I met DH and knew if I wanted marriage and children I didn't have years to waste. You do need to be prepared to have a frank conversation and to walk away and find someone who does want to marry you/otherwise do life your way.

I'd strongly recommend you don't have children without being married.