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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Follow up a re social media and bf

64 replies

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 10:20

I posted some months ago about my bf having exes and some other women on social media that I felt was inappropriate.
He didn't interact with them , as in messages but still liked their posts now and again.
I got opinions saying that I was controlling to him being completely in the wrong.

We spoke and he deleted his exes from one sm that he is on regularly and said he deleted/ off loaded the other profile on a different platform.
He hasn't interacted whatsoever on either since.
The deleted/ offloaded profile is still visible to me as happens when an app is off loaded but he has not deleted any of the women/ exes.
He says that he will go back on the offloaded sm platform when he has time to give to sorting out his profile ( he has thousands of friends on there)
He is telling the truth about all of the above but I feel that in view of it being a dealbreaker for me , AIBU to think he should have just deleted those' friends' after we had out talk about it all ?

OP posts:

araiwa · 08/02/2022 10:23

Oh grow up

Aussiegirl123456 · 08/02/2022 10:28

Is this a joke?

Original poster

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 10:31

No it's not a joke!
When I first posted about this dilemma ,I got so many responses and they were 50/50 me being controlling v inappropriate on his behaviour

OP posts:

chilli1212 · 08/02/2022 10:33

You're being absurd.

araiwa · 08/02/2022 10:33

So you've decided to double down?

Fucking hell

Original poster

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 10:34

What does double down mean?
Why are posters being so rude?

OP posts:

trumpisagit · 08/02/2022 10:34

Unless you are 14 yabu

Whingasaurus · 08/02/2022 10:36

He should leave you tbh

Itwasntmeright · 08/02/2022 10:36

Honestly if a partner was giving me grief about my social media I’d end it. I couldn’t be dealing with somebody trying to control me like that. It would be their responsibility to decide whether they thought my social media usage was compatible with their needs, not my responsibility to change my behavior to satisfy them.

Oldtiredfedup · 08/02/2022 10:37

You are controlling

ImJustNotMeAnymore · 08/02/2022 10:37

You can't rewrite or delete his history. Nor can you take possession of another human being.

Aprilx · 08/02/2022 10:39

@mi5gonewrong

No it's not a joke! When I first posted about this dilemma ,I got so many responses and they were 50/50 me being controlling v inappropriate on his behaviour

I am quite surprised about that. I am not even sure what “his behaviour” means he hasn’t done anything!

I think you need to learn the difference between normal human being behaviour and inappropriate behaviour is. Having an ex on Facebook and even liking the odd post, can be perfectly normal human behaviour. I know this as I have my first boyfriend from over thirty years ago as one of my friends and two years ago I liked one of his posts.

Original poster

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 10:40

@ImJustNotMeAnymore I agree but they are history. These are exes and ex dates and he has been liking their posts. I don't see a need for that. Why be on their friends list when they have no more contact ?

OP posts:

chilli1212 · 08/02/2022 10:41

You sound extremely paranoid and controlling.

araiwa · 08/02/2022 10:42

It would be a lot easier for him to delete just one person...

user83657564 · 08/02/2022 10:47

You tell him: there's no 'need' for him to talk to other women now. Ne 'need' for him to see his male friends much now he has a girlfriend too. Get him crushed.

lucywho123 · 08/02/2022 10:49

If its a deal breaker for you just leave him. He'll be better off without a controlling DP anyway

incognitoforthisone · 08/02/2022 10:50

You are being incredibly unreasonable and controlling and I feel incredibly sorry for your boyfriend. Your behaviour is appalling.

Original poster

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 11:00

Thanks for previous responses.I find it so strange that not one person thinks it's not ok to be interacting with exes and other women.
I got vastly different replies in term of a mixture of reactions the last time I posted this.
Thanks for the time taken to post.

OP posts:

lucywho123 · 08/02/2022 11:09

@mi5gonewrong

Thanks for previous responses.I find it so strange that not one person thinks it's not ok to be interacting with exes and other women. I got vastly different replies in term of a mixture of reactions the last time I posted this. Thanks for the time taken to post.

He didn't interact with them , as in messages but still liked their posts now and again.

This is not interacting with exes OP. Grow up

astoundedgoat · 08/02/2022 11:18

My DH literally asks me how my (favourite!) exes are and what they're up to, and vice versa.

If you don't like your boyfriend having girls in his social media, then you need to break up with him. He is not being unreasonable in any way, but clearly it bothers you a lot, and that is a legitimate feeling.

BUT the onus is on you to break up with him and find somebody you are compatible with, NOT on him to manage his social relationships according to your rules.

Why are you still dating him and giving him a hard time?

iklboo · 08/02/2022 11:23

Can you imagine the responses if a woman came on here saying her DH / BF had demanded she delete every male friend from every social media platform? From what you say he's not even interacting with them beyond the odd 'like'.

I think B & Q have a sale on grips at the minute.

Original poster

mi5gonewrong · 08/02/2022 11:23

I'm not giving him a hard time. I told him that I had a problem with his interactions with exes and other women on sm and he took matters into his own hands.

OP posts:

TwuntyFriend · 08/02/2022 11:27

One of my very close male friends had an ex like you. She made him delete all 'pretty' women from his FB. He was only allowed to keep married ones which she approved of.
Needless to say their relationship ended when he realised what a controlling nightmare she was.
We had been friends for years, yet when they were together he wasn't allowed to talk to me, or any other woman for that matter.
He has now settled down with a lovely woman and they have a baby. She is still single.
Lesson here OP is that you cannot control him (or anyone) in this way. It won't end well for you in the long run.

DropYourSword · 08/02/2022 11:30

@mi5gonewrong

What does double down mean? Why are posters being so rude?

I think people are telling you straight because they see you as acting extremely immaturely. If he's not even logged onto the social media since your discussion then he's absolutely not interacted with them.

I do think if this is a "dealbreaker" for you you should end this relationship, more for his sake. I wouldn't appreciate being in a relationship like this, and perhaps you're just not compatible.

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