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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are you happy?

116 replies

Lily2075 · 07/02/2022 19:32

I don't really see how people are. Life just seems like years and years of working. I go to work and I don't care about any of it. I'm not motivated to do well because none of it means anything to me. Then I go home and do nothing and get up to go to work again. What's the point?

OP posts:
Justneedsomesleepnow · 07/02/2022 22:05

@FindingMeno

I'm generally quite content. It's ok to settle for less than permanent euphoria. Find little things. Little rituals. Find aspects of your job you like, or if you can't, find ways to try to improve the workplace. Try to make a friend at work. Try to take pride in your work and realise its value.
I think this is the most meaningful, most useful comment I've ever read on here. Thank you.
Teaandbiscuits000 · 07/02/2022 22:06

No, not at all
Every year For the last six years I’ve had something go wrong in my life, to have a significant negative impact on my happiness.
I’m tired of it, I just want to catch a break and have something good happen for a change. I’m desperately trying to do that now, but there is no much out of my control and so far none of it is going the way I want.

Allthestarsabovemyhead · 07/02/2022 22:06

"So, I’ve been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often."

LivingTheLifeofMum · 07/02/2022 22:07

Yes I am happy. I've gone through a lot in my life relationship wise with the father of two of my DC but I am in a really good place now with an amazing DH.

I'm quite confident and strong minded. I have always been a glass half full person. And I try not to overanalyse things but accept situations and move on. Sounds simplistic but it has worked for me.

Boopeedoop · 07/02/2022 22:08

Nope. And regularly have this little.voice saying
"Kill yourself".

But on I plod. I won't leave my children.

Fetchthevet · 07/02/2022 22:14

No. I'm worried, always something to worry about. I worry about driving, my elderly parents, my poorly sister. I'm still angry and upset about things that happened years ago. I do have things to be grateful about, but my overriding feeling is worry.

ladygindiva · 07/02/2022 22:14

Yes. Life has its stresses but I'm happy. Long ago I decided to do a job I enjoy rather than earning lots of money if it came down to a choice. I enjoy my job, we don't have loads of money but we are happy.

Fetchthevet · 07/02/2022 22:15

@CorneliusBeefington

No. Im miserable and depressed and exhausted by grief.

Except for the time I spent with my little DC. He is a miracle, the light of my life and I'm lucky to have him.

But his baby siblings are dead, and it's my fault, and that takes it toll.

FlowersFlowersFlowers
DramaAlpaca · 07/02/2022 22:16

Yes, I'm generally quite content.

LadyCatStark · 07/02/2022 22:20

I’m happier than I was but that’s thanks to Sertraline and getting a dog.

Mostly, I’m angry at how unfair life is. DH and I have both had to take on second jobs despite having well paid jobs but the more we earn, the more tax, national insurance etc we pay and we never seem a penny better off. We have debt from when we were not well paid and we’ll never get anywhere near to paying it off no matter how hard we try. All we do is work, clean the house (well I do) and walk the dog in the rain. I’m happy with DS but I despair at what kind of life he has ahead of him, although I’ll be making sure he doesn’t make the same mistakes that we did.

Wazzzzzuuuuuuup · 07/02/2022 22:20

I'm really not too happy atm. I am financially comfortable, have a great husband, house, holidays, kids are mostly doing ok. However I think I've got some trauma from living through COVID. I work in the NHS and it's been far shitter for far longer than most people's experience.

I got COVID in December and still feel really knackered. My whole life revolves around my job. I am out 7 til 7 five days a week, and work on call nights and weekends too. It just feels so fucking unrewarding. Since COVID I've lost touch with many of my friends, and don't have a social life anymore . I struggle with the energy to engage with anyone outside of my direct family.

I've just had two unsuccessful interviews in the last month for promotions at work, and feel like something is wrong with me. I didn't really want the jobs, but just feel desperate to press the reset button.

RoseMartha · 07/02/2022 22:25

Not at the moment particularly. Most days I have a happy moment or two but as a general am I happy then no. However had not had a great evening with SN teen so that might be clouding my judgement right this minute. Juggling too many plates. And I cant see any light at the end of the tunnel.

FloatOnBytheStorms · 07/02/2022 22:28

Would be I think if it wasn’t for infertility and IVF hanging over me

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/02/2022 22:39

I think happiness is quite a fleeting emotion, contentment, purpose and a place in the world is what you’re after.

It sounds like you need to make some changes. What’s your situation (family, finance, training etc) and do you have any sense of what you’d like to do?

Longcovid21 · 07/02/2022 22:43

I think it's western society thats the issue. Man is born free but everywhere he is in chains.

Kite22 · 07/02/2022 22:46

Yes, as a rule - though I agree with pp who have explained about it not being a constant state of euphoria, but more a sort of 'contentment' and that some times it lifts from 'contentment' to real joy, but obviously the day in, day out life isn't all sunshine and roses.

I also agree with a lot of it is about your attitude. I mean, obviously there are some individual, really sad, or really challenging circumstances people have to cope with, but for most of us we go through life with a fair mix of ups and downs.
I have had bereavements and illnesses and failures and disappointments like everyone else, but accept that is part of life. I accept I grieve because I had someone I loved. I got cancer and didn't think "how terrible, why has this happened to me?", I thought "thank goodness I thought to check my body, and thank goodness we have the NHS and that the GP referred me and the breast clinic saw me quickly and then I had all my treatment - FREE.
I think there is a lot to be said for having a "glass half full" attitude in life, but I also think you have to take hold of your own destiny sometimes.
So, in the OP, you say I go to work and I don't care about any of it. I'm not motivated to do well because none of it means anything to me. Then I go home and do nothing and get up to go to work again.

What are you doing to change your work situation ?
Why do you 'do nothing' in the evenings ? Confused
I do loads of things. I am involved in things that I enjoy, and then I meet friends who also enjoy them. It makes life enjoyable.

lomoloko · 07/02/2022 23:01

Yes I'm happy. I lived a life of enormous struggle and sorrow for 20+ years and somehow I escaped, survived, and now live what to others probably seems a very ordinary little life. But to me it is precious, unexpected, and glorious. I'm happy. By this I mean I find pleasure in every day, if not each moment. I let the sun shine on my face. I laugh with friends. I listen to trees. (I really do! Like a freak!) And I feel lucky. Of course I still have troubles and worries -- I'm being screwed by the insurance company, my house is currently uninhabitable, I don't have children and I want them. Of course, there's always sorrow. But I feel lucky.

I don't actually recommend 20 years of hell, but it can help with the expectations adjustment. You know, I met someone a few weeks ago who on paper has everything in the world: much more than me, for sure. But they aren't happy. On reflection, I am better off, I think.

BTYU · 07/02/2022 23:04

Not particularly. Suffer from mild depression and GAD and it impacts my life. I don’t find much joy other than walking the dog. I find life a bit dull and repetitive and as I get older I hate work and just want to finish but can’t afford it!

BrieAndChilli · 07/02/2022 23:09

Life is just too complicated now. We know too much about too many things. Social media bombards is with what fun everyone else is having making us forget that it is their highlight reel.
In all other eras of history, even history in our own lifetimes, people just worked and then just connected with the people around them, they met up rather than text, they found more pleasure in the simple things. Now things have to be a big production to be ‘worthy’

bloodywhitecat · 07/02/2022 23:10

I was and there are still moments in the day when I am but on the whole I am grieving and sad. DH is terminally ill, he is currently asleep in the living room where my air bed is next to his hospital bed, I am scared to go to sleep, I am so tired I don't want to be awake. I have no idea how I move forward once he dies. Everything just feels overwhelming at the moment and, at times I wonder what the point is.

headspin10 · 07/02/2022 23:14

@bloodywhitecat I really feel for you SadThanksThanksThanks

LiveFromNewYork · 07/02/2022 23:15

There is an increasing body of literature saying that modern society's obsession with being 'happy' is making people less happy. It's only recently that we've had this notion thrust upon us that we should be seeking happiness at all times and had to deal with social media suggesting everyone else is happier and having a much better life than you are. Meanwhile the number of people with depression and other mental health conditions rises.

Life is a bit futile and sad and hard to find meaning in but I think happiness is a bit like catching a butterfly, and impossible as a constant state. It's more achievable to snatch moments of happiness and joy in the little things like a beautiful sunset or a doughnut. I think if you struggle with that, it would be worth seeing a doctor.

OrlandointheWilderness · 07/02/2022 23:18

Yes. I'm a first year nursing student out on placement which is awful so I'm miserable at work. I have a 10 year old who is amazing and makes me incredibly happy, and I've been with an amazing man for 8 months and I'm fresh in serious love with him. Generally things are wonderful right now. Long may it last!

TheUsualChaos · 07/02/2022 23:21

Not very happy no. I don't have any time or energy left to do anything I enjoy after working, childcare, chores and general life admin. My hobbies have become non existent. Rarely see friends as we are all too busy/far away/cancelled because someone as covid.

The rising cost of living makes things feel even worse. I always thought once youngest DC starts school I could think about starting hobbies again. But they all cost money and now even when I eventually have some time, I probably won't really be able to afford to do what I used to love.

I'm feel so tired, worn out and downtrodden and I'm not even 40 yet.

sma1978 · 07/02/2022 23:21

Nope not for years, I don't think I know what happiness or joy feels like anymore

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