AIBU to not want to invite sibling a year younger?

[JaggedStone]

Trying to sort out DD birthday (will be 7) in a couple of months and asking DD who she would like to invite and one girl has a sibling who is a year younger and I am sure the mum will ask if she can come? It’s likely to be a party at home due to finances so not a strict cap on numbers but obviously I’m then in charge of more girls.
I don’t particularly want the sibling to attend but am not sure what to say?
Surely it’s unfair for siblings to go to all parties when they haven’t been invited and they then get to go to double the parties.

Firstly, she hasn't even asked yet. And no of course you don't have to have random siblings come and stay at a dropped off party. DD's party is for her, it's not a creche.

I think I'd wait until she asks, and then say "really no space, sorry, would it help if I drop X back you afterwards?" or something like that.

It's tempting to admit you are nervous of managing that many of them by yourself, and say you were really strict on numbers for DD so it would be unfair to include uninvited children. BUT such a long explanation would just give CF room to manoeuvre. Keep it short and change the subject.

@Dinosaursdontgrowontrees

I’m currently organising ds 6th birthday 4 people so far have asked if siblings are welcome. I find it so rude. I have 3 children I would never do this.

What have you said?

We had this recently at DDs party. We said yes to siblings as space wasn't an issue but food and party bags etc were only for invited children.... guess what uninvited siblings came cap in hand for a party bag, thankfully we had people pull out last minute as I can imagine we would be the bad guys for upsetting a toddler for not giving a party bag.

Never again will I do a class party.

Blimey In my days many years ago parties were at home no class parties and parents didn’t stay after about 3. I left my 2 year old at a party and she had a ball. Once I couldn’t stand it any longer it was a treat with three friends as that’s what would fit in the car. Siblings only came when it was a toddler party and we just sat around and drank tea and ate all the cake🤪

I know we're going back to the 90s but I didn't get to go to parties with older siblings and they didn't go to parties with me! Is that a thing now?

I have twins and when they were in nursery I invited a big group of friends each for their birthday. But I realised this meant there was literally three children not invited - so despite these three children not being friends with my children - I invited these three children too. We had outdoor activities but I was worried about the weather and thinking I might end up needing everyone inside and I was conscious of space. One of the parents of one of these three children asked me if she could come with her toddler. Is said she could come but no toddler as I was worried about a zillion 4 year olds racing around inside with a toddler crawling / walking and I was already tight on space. She was so mad at me - it was crazy - I was already inviting her son so he would not feel left out my kids didn't even really know him as he was younger. She came without her toddler but gave me a death stare all the time in my own house!

From point of view of the uninvited sibling. As a child with a sister 2 years older my mum would always try get me into parties where my sister was the invitee. As a child I loved it, however as I grew up I realised how unfair this was on my sister too. She couldn't go to her friends houses for playdates without having to take me too. I feel bad about it how she must have felt. My mum just wanted to get rid of us for the day.

@ittakes2 Wow! That is awful! Some people are so entitled!

@Smilingthru Oh that’s good! Pleased to hear it did work!

@buddylicious That’s really good wording! I’m going to write that down. Thank you.

You should tell everyone now so they don't just show up on the day with siblings because that would be much harder to deal with.

I think people that bring siblings along are cheeky fuckers. This woman once brought her niece as well as daughter to my daughters birthday. Her niece was a real asshole. She criticised everything from the cake to what my daughter was wearing. I told her she didn't have to eat the cake if she didn't want. She sulked for the rest of the time.

One of DDs friends mom is the same as she has a DD a year younger. The thing is she acts very entitled, as though the organiser should let DD2 attend as she is doing them a favour by allowing DD1 to go.

If mum is so entitled and likely to kick off id be making sure main child not invited. Sorry but cant be doing with dicks. Problem solved

Just say sorry no not enough space. Im not a single parent but I have to turn parties down for this reason because of shifts and timings of parties. I don't resent it at all and accept it. I'm sure children haven't come to my kids parties for the same reason

Could you put security at the door?

@Theblacksheepandme

I think it depends on the situation tbh. If parents are expected to stay, and the Mum is a single parent with no family nearby to assist, then I'd try and be flexible. Otherwise, no.

Many years ago for one of my younger siblings birthday tea party not only did the invited child show but all five siblings, their mum and aunt and uncle and a couple of cousins. They ate everything on offer and caused havoc. The adults were caught in the kitchen going through the cupboards and bagging up things which is when my mum kicked them out. I do remember them coming on mass, but more and more people are added on every time my mum tells the story. My Mum sent uninvited siblings home after that and was not polite doing it either.

My ds5 went to a party not long ago where a cf mum turned up with 4 extra kids. It was a bouncy castle in a hall type party so them playing didn’t really matter. But when it came to food she parked all 5 of them at the table gave them all a massive plate of food and stashed loads of extras under her pram.
She was one of the first to leave and took 5 party bags on the way out!

I feel really sorry for her child as most parents saw it and I doubt they are going to get invited to many more parties with a mother like that.

When my DD was in primary there was a mum with 3 kids who would always stay and then expect the other two to be accommodated...soft play, at home, it made no difference to her. She once complained that the food was not suitable for her allergic non-invited child and that the party bag could have been bigger and better to split between them all 🤣🤣

@adoreyou

We had this recently at DDs party. We said yes to siblings as space wasn't an issue but food and party bags etc were only for invited children.... guess what uninvited siblings came cap in hand for a party bag, thankfully we had people pull out last minute as I can imagine we would be the bad guys for upsetting a toddler for not giving a party bag.

Never again will I do a class party.

No offence but that was never going to work. How do you stop the siblings sitting down at the table for the party food, for example? Nightmare!

Just say no siblings.

A birthday party isn't an excuse for parents to drop off all their kids for free childcare. It should be who your child wants to be there so if your child isn't friends with the sibling, then no.

I've had a parent ask about bringing a sibling to a party at home, I just said that due to space we couldn't do that, but they were welcome to drop their kid off and not stay.

I've also seen cheeky buggers who just drop siblings off without asking and walk off though.

Sharrowgirl
No offence but that was never going to work. How do you stop the siblings sitting down at the table for the party food, for example? Nightmare

A taser should work.