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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to invite sibling a year younger?

105 replies

JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 16:43

Trying to sort out DD birthday (will be 7) in a couple of months and asking DD who she would like to invite and one girl has a sibling who is a year younger and I am sure the mum will ask if she can come? It’s likely to be a party at home due to finances so not a strict cap on numbers but obviously I’m then in charge of more girls.
I don’t particularly want the sibling to attend but am not sure what to say?
Surely it’s unfair for siblings to go to all parties when they haven’t been invited and they then get to go to double the parties.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 17:07

@Toanewstart23 Yes it is drop off unless parents really want to stay. Totally understand re single parents. I’ve had to arrange things when my husband is working but luckily have a few lovely friends who would help me out now.
Babies are obviously different.

OP posts:
Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:08

Ag so drop off
So in that case

No siblings is fine.

AssignedBlobbyAtBirth · 07/02/2022 17:12

I did a swimming pool party one year. A sibling was just dropped off without me even being asked. I handed out food boxes and some kids had allergies so they were all named and no spare. Luckily one boy was ill so the sibling got his food but complained loudly and frequently that the name on his box was wrong
I guess he had a point and his CF mother wouldn't have told him he wasn't invited

saraclara · 07/02/2022 17:12

"Sorry, most of those invited have siblings, so I can't just let one come and not all"

Meandthesky · 07/02/2022 17:23

Not sure how it could be unclear whether siblings are invited, surely the invite goes to one child and you should assume no siblings unless specified otherwise?

At 7 years old I wouldn’t expect parents to stay so no need for siblings to come.

Original poster
JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 17:35

@Dinosaursdontgrowontrees Wow! This is where it’s not about celebrating your child’s birthday but more for childcare and I don't think that’s fair.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 17:40

Thank you for all the suggestions for wording. It’s just so awkward isn’t it? The only other thing is to not invite this child to avoid the situation altogether. But seems cruel as she’s a lovely girl.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 17:47

If space and money were no object it would be different.

OP posts:
Rickrollme · 07/02/2022 17:49

Why are you so sure this is going to happen? Where I live it is definitely not assumed that siblings are invited and I’ve never had anyone ask if a sibling could come to a drop-off party. My DCs have a few friends who have same-sex twin siblings (and one who is a triplet!) and it’s never come up.

TrashyPanda · 07/02/2022 17:50

@Isonthecase

I don't understand why it's so rude to ask if siblings are invited if it's not clear? Just make it clear on the invite - due to numbers we won't be able to accommodate siblings at the party. Drama resolved.
If the sibling isn’t named on the invitation, then it is clear they are not invited.
Tulips21 · 07/02/2022 17:51

It has always annoyed me when the same few parents always say ' can x come too'.

I have started saying no.
A polite ' sorry, Dd only wants her friends to come'

flowery · 07/02/2022 17:53

@Isonthecase

I don't understand why it's so rude to ask if siblings are invited if it's not clear? Just make it clear on the invite - due to numbers we won't be able to accommodate siblings at the party. Drama resolved.
Why would it be necessary to specify on the invitation a list of people who aren’t invited?! Surely anyone with any manners at all assumes that people named on the invitation are invited, and no one else is?
Chichimcgee · 07/02/2022 17:54

I paid for 10 kids to have a party in a proper place with food and the works.
Son invited his 10 friends.
We had 7 (7!!) extra because of older and younger siblings who didn’t want to ‘miss out’ still makes me cross.
If there’s a next time I will definitely be writing no siblings allowed.

OfstedOffred · 07/02/2022 17:54

Never understand the confusion/people who ask when it's a drop and go party.

"Josh & Alice" on invite - sibling is included.
"Josh" on invite - sibling is not invited.

Easy

WaitinginVain · 07/02/2022 18:05

This parent hasn't even asked.

I have children a year apart. The younger one tends to get invited to more parties and I always pay to take the older one along if possible. He understands when it's not appropriate but is often invited in his own right because, amazingly, the birthday child actually likes him and wants him there. Similar ages, interests, friends and all that.

JamSandwich0 · 07/02/2022 18:14

I have twins and they don't even get invited to the same parties and it's absolutely fine. They go to there own friends parties and don't tag along where not invited.

I think they have probably missed out on a couple when parents didn't want to leave twin b out and so didn't invite twin a but as parents we treat them as individuals with individual friends etc.

Pamlar · 07/02/2022 18:15

I used to put a line at the bottom of invite or message. Sorry no siblings.
Don't give a reason. It totally cheeky.

OchonAgusOchonOh · 07/02/2022 18:18

@Isonthecase

I don't understand why it's so rude to ask if siblings are invited if it's not clear? Just make it clear on the invite - due to numbers we won't be able to accommodate siblings at the party. Drama resolved.
If the invitation has one name on it (either on the envelope or the invite itself), then only one person is invited. Why on earth would you assume an extra child, who has no connection to the party child, would be invited unless it was explicitly stated? That is serious CF territory.
Nandocushion · 07/02/2022 18:20

Like PPs have said, don't wait to be asked so it's awkward - put it right on the invitation.

"Siblings are welcome, but please let me know so I can arrange food"
OR
"Unfortunately we cannot accommodate any siblings this year"

Ohyesiam · 07/02/2022 18:26

@Isonthecase

I don't understand why it's so rude to ask if siblings are invited if it's not clear? Just make it clear on the invite - due to numbers we won't be able to accommodate siblings at the party. Drama resolved.
It’s rude and pushy on lots of levels. If they were invited they’d be on the invite, no need to ask.
Ohyesiam · 07/02/2022 18:28

It’s ok to say “ No , dd only wants her friend there.

Clymene · 07/02/2022 18:31

@Isonthecase

I don't understand why it's so rude to ask if siblings are invited if it's not clear? Just make it clear on the invite - due to numbers we won't be able to accommodate siblings at the party. Drama resolved.
You don't understand why it's rude to ask if children who haven't been invited can come?

Really?

If a party is at someone's home, it's particularly rude.

Original poster
JaggedStone · 07/02/2022 18:35

I know someone who had a massive row about this kind of situation when the parent said no to the sibling coming.

OP posts:
Chilledchablis1 · 07/02/2022 18:35

It must be a relatively new thing to assume siblings can attend parties . My DC are in their 30s and I cannot recall even once having to deal with such a request !

gogohm · 07/02/2022 18:38

If it's drop off just say no due to numbers