Toddler pack lunch in cafes

[Casheeeew]

I eat a about 3 cafes near me regularly, but only once per week, occasionally twice. I have always taken my son (18months) a full packed lunch, and I buy myself lunch and a coffee.

Its never occured to me to question this until today. Is he too old to be having home brought food?

They do have a kids menu but I prefer him to have a selection of things to pick at that I know he'll like.

Aibu - or if not, how long before he's too old?

As an aside...cleaning up after a toddler (or worse....a parent and toddler group!) is like cleaning up after a stag or hen group.

Mess and crumbs everywhere, soggy paper (always soggy paper and I still don't get why!), pens, probably a forgotten item of clothing (usually sticky), the odd bit of pen on the tables/graffiti, sauce on the underside of the table....list goes on but the similarity is scary.

I'd say about 90% if the time, parents don't clear up after their toddlers either. Genuinely not because they're horrible people, but when you're juggling all that stuff, plus said child and often the parent is wound up/stressed/tired or whatever, they just forget.

Meh. I do it @Casheeeew when there are not things appropriate for my DC. Went to costa today. He would have a cheese and ham toastie or one of those massive panini. I took bits he would have I bought coffee lunch and cake for me. Drink and crisps for him. They didn't say anything. I have done this lots before.

YANBU - I take what amounts to lunch for my toddlers to cafes we go to. My DH, me and eldest wouldn't be going to the cafe if toddlers didn't come too and said toddlers have various allergies - one of them to v common food stuff sadly!
Since they were about 18m I have usually ordered them a plain vegan cheese sandwich between them (from those places that can do this) but nothing from those that can't cater for dairy free etc. not once has any cafe owner been anything but lovely to us and I'm sure they prefer my twins occupied and happy while we spend money there on us - rather than upset and whinging and disrupting everyone. I will not be ordering them a 'kids' meal each as they just won't eat it all and it's v expensive! Carry on as you are OP and don't worry about people on here saying it's not acceptable. If you weren't ordering for yourself that would be unacceptable, but what you are doing is fine IMO!

I don't get the taking up space but. You you be taking up a table whether your child was eating food your brought or from the cafe.

@Casheeeew

To PP:

I have taken it on board. I'm going to buy him something. But other people have agreed that snacks are okay. So I will be bringing stuff, such as cubes of cheese and a petit filous and a satsuma to pad out the toast. Snacks is kind of a grey area, no?

I don't want to be a CF. I love the cafes I go to. I also want my son fed well, or else I wouldn't go to a cafe after his toddler groups I'd just to home.

No judgement as my kids definitely don’t have perfect diets but if that’s what you’d take for him then I’m struggling to believe it’s about anything other than saving money. What type of cafe is it where you can’t find anything on the menu that matches the nutritional value of cheese, an orange and a sugar laden yoghurt?

Essentially OP, you are taking up the space for two, creating noise etc and only giving them the custom of one. It’s not terrible, more of an etiquette thing. I doubt the cafe hate you but they might be a bit annoyed and irritated by it. Maybe other posters would disagree but if you bought something for your DC like toast and a drink I think it would be okay to give additional snacks.

I’m going against the majority, I think it’s fine to bring food for an 18 month, I probably did it to age 2-3 as there was no way I’m wasting money on food a small child wouldn’t eat. It would be different if I knew they would eat it but then again it’s usually more money than it’s worth. As long as the adult/s we’re paying for their food I don’t see a problem. If the cafe had a problem I’d just find somewhere else or go to a cafe that dose free children’s meals with every full paying adult, then I wouldn’t care how much of the meal they wasted.

@Crimesean

How’s that any different still only paying for 1 meal.

I don’t think it’s a problem at 18 months, most cafes just serve shit to kids so I take my own

To be honest I used to do this, because DS was ridiculously fussy, and even if I ordered him a plain cheese sandwich he would reject it because it wouldn't be exactly the same as the cheese sandwich I would have made. But I still wanted to meet friends for lunch, so I would explain it to the server (who generally couldn't give a shit) and maybe order him a cookie or something.

My friends were still mortified

@Whatelsecouldibecalled

I don't get the taking up space but. You you be taking up a table whether your child was eating food your brought or from the cafe.

Exactly so you should be paying for that space.

Oh no!! They must hate me, I thought I was a regular that they liked. I have been so oblivious

If they haven’t said anything, or if you haven’t seen them quietly seething, they’re probably fine with it. And as for taking up a table for 2, I often do that when I’m on my own. I’m not usually required to have a random stranger sitting opposite me just because I’ve only purchased one meal. Often the smallest child's meal is too much for one that age and there is so much waste. I’d be more inclined to just give him a little bit of what I’m having.

Calling people a CF when you say something like this. Okay then.
What a vile underhanded sneaky, bitchy thing to say

Ummm ok 👍

@AliceMcK

I’m going against the majority, I think it’s fine to bring food for an 18 month, I probably did it to age 2-3 as there was no way I’m wasting money on food a small child wouldn’t eat. It would be different if I knew they would eat it but then again it’s usually more money than it’s worth. As long as the adult/s we’re paying for their food I don’t see a problem. If the cafe had a problem I’d just find somewhere else or go to a cafe that dose free children’s meals with every full paying adult, then I wouldn’t care how much of the meal they wasted.

But the problem here is, you think it's fine and did it and now tell others that it is fine for them to do it, until one time they do it somewhere that notices and is strongly against this. Suddenly the parent is embarrassed and usually will react (usually) either defensively by arguing with the (usually minimum wage, non decision making) staff and posting negative reviews online or the parent is upset and packs up and leaves, feeling humiliated and can't face going back and takes them ages to build up the confidence to go back out to another food establishment.

It's so rare that staff can go up to someone and tell them to stop doing something and for the customer to just accept this and, in this example, put the food away and order off the menu.

I think many of us who are saying YABU are current or former hospitality staff who have had to deal with this head on and know how bad customers can react or how much of a bollocking our bosses will give us if we are caught letting you get away with it.

I think some parents get “stuck” in a stage and don’t realise it’s time to move on! Tiny baby this is fine strapping toddler it’s not. We ate out with relatives who insisted on a child meal for their strapping active 8 year old. He scoffed it and announced he was still hungry…

If you’re bringing cheese and fruit why can’t you just buy him a cheese sandwich and fruit at the cafe? That is CF behaviour imo

Exactly so you should be paying for that space.

Thankfully when I’ve had a table for 2 to myself I have never been charged for the other space!

I'm amazed how many people are saying it's unreasonable to take food but it's completely ok to just share your plate? What's the point in that?

Also as PP said, you can go into a cafe and eat as a single person so what difference does it make if you're eating your one meal and have a toddler alongside, not like OP isn't buying something for herself.

Most cafes we go to sell sandwiches which my DS won't eat (or toasties etc) or shit and chips. Sometimes we order him a childrens meal depending how much junk he's had that week but 90% of the time we have at least supplementary food with us that we know he'll eat and enjoy. I certainly wasn't spending £5-7 for a whole kids meal at 18 months!

You are being very, very unreasonable but surely you must have realised that from all the replies.

I think especially if your going to the same local places, you must know the vague menu so can get something. It’s not like your going somewhere unknown where you don’t know if they serve anything they like. The expense is just unfortunately what you have to pay with children, otherwise you just both don’t go

Unless there is complex allergies and additional needs then I think you can get away with it up until they are 12 months or so then you really should be buying then lunch or sharing yours with them.

I am surprised they allow you to do this.

I just gave them something from my own plate until I thought they were old enough to manage a kids meal - about age 2.

@bumbledeedum

Totally agree! I’ll tell my mum she can’t go to cafe alone any more as most tables can seat 2 people.

Honestly so many people on MN are bonkers

What on earth is wrong with bringing a child a packed lunch? Obviously in an ideal world you would both order off the menu, but young children can be notoriously picky even if there are no allergies involved. My DD can’t have gluten so I always pack lunch for her as the majority of cafes/restaurants don’t cater for that. I never think anything of it as I always order for myself, plus a couple of extra bits to supplement her food (banana, crisps etc). People are generally quite understanding in my experience as long as you make it obvious you are not taking advantage of the facilities.

@Casheeeew
I'm glad you took my post as it was intended.
As for who had just toast for lunch, me sometimes