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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP is choosing holiday with mates

66 replies

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 14:02

So after 2 years of this pandemic, we are finally able to start travelling again.

DP and I had been saving up to go for a trip around the Far East which I have been so looking forward to.

AIBU to be fucking fuming that he’s just told me he’s going skiing with friends and that we’ll have to postpone our holiday a bit more til he makes up the money he’s now spending on a holiday he’s going on without me?

He’s said I can come as well if I like but I don’t ski so there’s no point.

He’s not usually so inconsiderate but I know he’s missed skiing and so jumped at the opportunity.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 07/02/2022 15:50

That doesn't sound good.

Are there any other areas in your life together, where he tends to prioritise himself over the two of you?

Not so bad if it's just a casual relationship but not really long term material. Sorry

CoffeeBeansGalore · 07/02/2022 15:56

Please tell me he's not using any of YOUR savings?

He is being rather selfish & inconsiderate regardless.

Keep your savings separate & have your dream holiday with a good friend.

fairlygoodmother · 07/02/2022 15:56

Do you have any friends who’d like to go with you on the trip you originally planned?

Chloemol · 07/02/2022 15:58

I would try and find a friend or family member to go with, and let him stay behind

Babadook76 · 07/02/2022 16:00

Did you actually have a date in mind of when you were going travelling? How much longer will it take for him to save up to go on holiday with you? I get why you’re upset, but if he’s got another chance of a holiday with all the logistics in place and it’s only going to delay your holiday by a little bit, I can see where he’s coming from too

Moonface123 · 07/02/2022 16:02

Your not joined at the hip, l always encouraged my husband to go off and do things he loved doing with his friends and he was the same with me, as we had very different hobbies and intersts, sadly he died young so l am glad we never argued about it and he had that time doing stuff he loved with me and with his friends.

Aprilx · 07/02/2022 16:04

Is he really a partner? I am just asking as people sometimes use that term with people that have been dating a short period of time.

If you are true partners, with a shared home and life then yes I would expect this to be a joint decision, even if you did both decide that the Far East could wait for now. On that note, I don’t think it is really opened you yet so maybe putting that on hold makes sense anyway?

yorkshireteaspoonie · 07/02/2022 16:09

Is this a long standing thing they do? Normally an annual type trip (pre covid)

My OH is currently skiing with his mates, I don't ski and I'm 7 months pregnant. He normally goes at this time of year and we holiday later in the year when the kids have gone back to school so it doesn't bother me... but this is something we agreed many years ago. Did you have an arranged date to go travelling?

lastqueenofscotland · 07/02/2022 16:21

How long have you been together? And yes is this an annual trip?
I go skiing every year without fail. It’s my favourite thing to do and I really missed it in 2021!
How far back does it mean pushing back your trip?
And has he spent shared savings? I’d not be too annoyed about it if no date was set as long as he’d not spent my money!

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/02/2022 16:23

@Aprilx

Is he really a partner? I am just asking as people sometimes use that term with people that have been dating a short period of time.

If you are true partners, with a shared home and life then yes I would expect this to be a joint decision, even if you did both decide that the Far East could wait for now. On that note, I don’t think it is really opened you yet so maybe putting that on hold makes sense anyway?

My thoughts too. Is this a DP you live with and share a mortgage / children with, or a DP you've been seeing at weekends for the last few months?
Snoken · 07/02/2022 16:29

I would totally go somewhere fun with a friend instead of waiting for him to save up money again. Life is too short to be annoyed, just do what makes you happy.

neverbeenskiing · 07/02/2022 16:34

I think it's a shitty thing to do. He made plans with you, which he knew you were excited about, and now he's announced that those plans are being put on the back-burner because he's had a better offer.

rookiemere · 07/02/2022 16:37

Yeah a bit rubbish but I know what it feels like to miss skiing, and frankly after the last two years I'd always take the holiday now option, rather than the maybe holiday in a few months.

OooohBabyBaby · 07/02/2022 16:49

I think yabu, you haven’t got a date planned I yet so he hasn’t picked this over your holiday together.

Either pick somewhere cheaper and go away with your dp later in the year or go next year (unless your doing to drip feed it’ll take him 10 years to save back up)

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 16:49

Why can't you go skiiing?

Frazzled2207 · 07/02/2022 16:54

Def quite shitty thing to do esp presenting it as a done deal instead of discussing with you

However being a non skier doesn’t mean you can’t go. Book ski school. Assuming you’re relatively fit you’ll love it.

2022success · 07/02/2022 16:55

I would just go with a mate instead of him.

Thehop · 07/02/2022 16:56

Do you live together? It’s crap if you do, not so much if you don’t.

Raindancer411 · 07/02/2022 16:58

Rather than miss out on a break away, have you a mate you can go with? If he cannot afford to go this year, he is making you have to wait too long :(

I had an ex that was like this with me, and I am glad I moved on as it didn't get better... he was off doing rallies all over the place and didn't care I was sat waiting around for him.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2022 16:59

@TatianaBis

Why can't you go skiiing?
She doesn't ski.

I don't take my DH diving. He'd drown. Hmm

mumto2teenagers · 07/02/2022 17:02

Did you have a date already agreed and how much will you be putting it back by? If it's a short delay and you only had a rough idea of dates then I wouldn't see it as a big deal.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2022 17:06

@Moonface123

Your not joined at the hip, l always encouraged my husband to go off and do things he loved doing with his friends and he was the same with me, as we had very different hobbies and intersts, sadly he died young so l am glad we never argued about it and he had that time doing stuff he loved with me and with his friends.
I'm sorry for your loss.

However, did he bin off your plans in favour of his own?

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 17:06

@MrsTerryPratchett

I know she doesn't ski yet but she can start now. Equally, winter holidays in the snow are lovely regardless. You can chill at the chalet, drink hot chocolate in the sun, go skating, sledding etc.

She could still go with them and enjoy the holiday regardless.

5128gap · 07/02/2022 17:07

Did he actually share your enthusiasm for going on holiday with you, and commit to it? If so, this is very bad. However if it was something you wanted but he didn't particularly, or was ambivalent, then he's only really guilty of wanting something different from you. You asked him on one sort of holiday and he's declined. He's asked you on a different sort of holiday and you've declined. If it's good in other ways, go on your holiday with a friend and let it pass.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2022 17:09

@Frazzled2207

Def quite shitty thing to do esp presenting it as a done deal instead of discussing with you

However being a non skier doesn’t mean you can’t go. Book ski school. Assuming you’re relatively fit you’ll love it.

I was fit and I loathed it.

Not everyone wants to ski. Or dive. Or abseil. Or climb a mountain

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