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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP is choosing holiday with mates

66 replies

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 14:02

So after 2 years of this pandemic, we are finally able to start travelling again.

DP and I had been saving up to go for a trip around the Far East which I have been so looking forward to.

AIBU to be fucking fuming that he’s just told me he’s going skiing with friends and that we’ll have to postpone our holiday a bit more til he makes up the money he’s now spending on a holiday he’s going on without me?

He’s said I can come as well if I like but I don’t ski so there’s no point.

He’s not usually so inconsiderate but I know he’s missed skiing and so jumped at the opportunity.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/02/2022 17:10

[quote TatianaBis]@MrsTerryPratchett

I know she doesn't ski yet but she can start now. Equally, winter holidays in the snow are lovely regardless. You can chill at the chalet, drink hot chocolate in the sun, go skating, sledding etc.

She could still go with them and enjoy the holiday regardless.[/quote]
You might enjoy it regardless.

Why assume the OP would?

I wouldn't go sledding or skating either.

And it's a lot of money to sit around drinking hot chocolate and reading all day.

Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:12

Fuming? No

Very hurt? Yes

I’d also be presuming he’s got one eye on the exit door and start thinking the same

Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:15

In your own words on a thread this week OP

* Men like this never change OP. *

In his own way he probably does care about you but it’s all about you fitting in with HIS life, rather than you sharing a life together.

Unless you don’t mind being an add on to his set up, leave before you become even more involved.

Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:16

[quote TatianaBis]@MrsTerryPratchett

I know she doesn't ski yet but she can start now. Equally, winter holidays in the snow are lovely regardless. You can chill at the chalet, drink hot chocolate in the sun, go skating, sledding etc.

She could still go with them and enjoy the holiday regardless.[/quote]
Er thanks but no thanks
Hate the cold
Don’t like hot chocolate
Don’t want to chill alone in chalet whilst other ski

Far East!!

minipie · 07/02/2022 17:18

I wouldn’t think of it necessarily as he’s chosen them over you.

I think he’s chosen a concrete, organised holiday happening pretty soon, over a non booked holiday some unspecified time in the future, which has already been postponed a lot so why does a few more months matter.

Ski holidays with a group of mates are a blast. I wouldn’t want to miss out in his shoes either tbh, for the sake of something not even booked yet.

You could try skiing?

Kite22 · 07/02/2022 17:18

Difficult for us to say.

Was this an 'aim for the future' / something you've talked about "doing one day" or a planned / Annual Leave booked / all options investigated trip?

How are you using 'dp' as I've found over the years on MN that people use this term at all different stages in the relationship ?

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 17:20

Why does he get to tell you this is what's happening? Why isn't it a discussion?

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2022 17:21

@TatianaBis if you like the snow it's great. But I'd hate to be on an activity holiday without the activities. That's all everyone will be talking about, you've got big chunks of day without company, everyone is knackered in the evening.

And tagging along is a bit pathetic.

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 17:21

And it's a lot of money to sit around drinking hot chocolate and reading all day.

In the beautiful sun & snow. Would you say that of a beach holiday which is the same principle.

If you're not paying for the ski-ing then it's only accommodation + flights so not hugely expensive.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2022 17:22

In the beautiful sun & snow. Would you say that of a beach holiday which is the same principle.

I wouldn't go on a diving holiday without diving. And sitting on my arse on holiday is boring after about half an hour.

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 17:24

[quote MrsTerryPratchett]@TatianaBis if you like the snow it's great. But I'd hate to be on an activity holiday without the activities. That's all everyone will be talking about, you've got big chunks of day without company, everyone is knackered in the evening.

And tagging along is a bit pathetic. [/quote]
I've done when I had an injury and it was fabulous.

I didn't see myself as tagging along, just an opportunity to go to the mountains.

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 17:25

@MrsTerryPratchett

In the beautiful sun & snow. Would you say that of a beach holiday which is the same principle.

I wouldn't go on a diving holiday without diving. And sitting on my arse on holiday is boring after about half an hour.

Some people are happy on beach holidays though, which is really the same principle - chilling out and enjoying the view.
Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:26

@TatianaBis

And it's a lot of money to sit around drinking hot chocolate and reading all day.

In the beautiful sun & snow. Would you say that of a beach holiday which is the same principle.

If you're not paying for the ski-ing then it's only accommodation + flights so not hugely expensive.

Just weird that you simply can’t grasp that for some of us…. We would prefer NOT to go on holiday at all if the option was a ski resort!
Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:28

* Some people are happy on beach holidays though, which is really the same principle - chilling out and enjoying the view.*

So bizarre Grin

pictish · 07/02/2022 17:28

@minipie

I wouldn’t think of it necessarily as he’s chosen them over you.

I think he’s chosen a concrete, organised holiday happening pretty soon, over a non booked holiday some unspecified time in the future, which has already been postponed a lot so why does a few more months matter.

Ski holidays with a group of mates are a blast. I wouldn’t want to miss out in his shoes either tbh, for the sake of something not even booked yet.

You could try skiing?

I agree. I think he just couldn’t resist the idea. Wanted to go. Your holiday will still happen.
Gilda152 · 07/02/2022 17:30

I've been to ski resorts but hate skiing. One time enjoyed it (America,fabulous scenery,facilities etc) one time was bored out of my head (France, nothing at all to do all day). So you've every right to swerve going.

You're being a touch unreasonable but I get why. My ex was the same - arranged snowboarding hols that took precedence over us doing something . I got it as that was his hobby and you can only do it for a small window of the year in certain countries so fair enough, still annoying tho

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 17:31

Just weird that you simply can’t grasp that for some of us…. We would prefer NOT to go on holiday at all if the option was a ski resort!

Equally weird that you can't grasp that some people would prefer to take the opportunity to go even if they weren't skiing!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/02/2022 17:31

I absolutely love skiing. However I'd hate a ski holiday without the skiing, lots of places are ugly and functional and there just isnt loads to do, it's not losds of fun sledging or ice skating by yourself. No way I'd go without skiing.

But anyway that's not the point. The point is he made arrangements with you and then bailed when he got a better offer and as it's a big holiday it is leaving you in the lurch, it's not like going for lunch where you can just easily rearrange for thr next month or go by yourself or find a friend at the last min

How long will you have to postpone for?

DamnUserName21 · 07/02/2022 17:35

Sounds you were an afterthought with his token offer to tag along.

Fuck that!

Any chance you can go away somewhere (Far East!) with a friend or solo?

Lorw · 07/02/2022 17:38

Go by yourself OP. Have a great time and leave him at home, you shouldn’t have to postpone your plans because he’s had a better offer 😁

Toanewstart23 · 07/02/2022 17:38

@TatianaBis

Just weird that you simply can’t grasp that for some of us…. We would prefer NOT to go on holiday at all if the option was a ski resort!

Equally weird that you can't grasp that some people would prefer to take the opportunity to go even if they weren't skiing!

No

I absolutely grasp that

It’s a little expression called “different strokes for different folks”

incognitoforthisone · 07/02/2022 17:44

[quote TatianaBis]@MrsTerryPratchett

I know she doesn't ski yet but she can start now. Equally, winter holidays in the snow are lovely regardless. You can chill at the chalet, drink hot chocolate in the sun, go skating, sledding etc.

She could still go with them and enjoy the holiday regardless.[/quote]
I think you're really missing the point here. It isn't about whether or not a ski holiday might be nice. It's about the fact that he has suddenly decided that the thing they'd both agreed on, and that she was looking forward to and saving for, has been totally ditched by him in favour of a completely different thing that he only he wants to do. It doesn't matter what the other holiday is; the point is that he's ditched their joint plans for his with no regard for her feelings, and also that if she went on the skiiing holiday she'd have to spend money on a trip she didn't actually want.

Caterinasballerinas · 07/02/2022 17:45

I think we need to know how concrete the joint holiday plans were to firmly decide but I’m inclined to YANBU. His surprise holiday plan is not just the impact on you of him going away without you but in affecting your own holiday plans and that’s how you should frame it with him.

incognitoforthisone · 07/02/2022 17:49

@TatianaBis

Just weird that you simply can’t grasp that for some of us…. We would prefer NOT to go on holiday at all if the option was a ski resort!

Equally weird that you can't grasp that some people would prefer to take the opportunity to go even if they weren't skiing!

What's really weird is that you seem incapable of understanding that it doesn't bloody matter if some people would prefer to take the opportunity to go on the ski holiday, because this thread is not about those people, it's about the OP.

It's completely irrelevant to the OP what kind of holiday you or anyone else might enjoy. Jeez, it's not complicated.

Cocomarine · 07/02/2022 17:52

I’ve just come back from a ski resort. I love skiing. Going without skiing? No. Too cold to sit around. Expensive for what you’re getting. Often very little to do. Often pretty ugly, functional, purpose built places. I love the snow and view and mountains… but no way would I go to a ski resort and not ski, and based on all the people I met via Crystal last week - that’s a majority opinion!