Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be annoyed that DP is choosing holiday with mates

66 replies

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 14:02

So after 2 years of this pandemic, we are finally able to start travelling again.

DP and I had been saving up to go for a trip around the Far East which I have been so looking forward to.

AIBU to be fucking fuming that he’s just told me he’s going skiing with friends and that we’ll have to postpone our holiday a bit more til he makes up the money he’s now spending on a holiday he’s going on without me?

He’s said I can come as well if I like but I don’t ski so there’s no point.

He’s not usually so inconsiderate but I know he’s missed skiing and so jumped at the opportunity.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2022 17:52

@TatianaBis

And it's a lot of money to sit around drinking hot chocolate and reading all day.

In the beautiful sun & snow. Would you say that of a beach holiday which is the same principle.

If you're not paying for the ski-ing then it's only accommodation + flights so not hugely expensive.

Yes.

Unless there were lots of sights to see.

I do appreciate it's beautiful though. I've been before

Doggynoname · 07/02/2022 18:01

@Moonface123 wow sounds like you had a lovely relationship ❤️

TatianaBis · 07/02/2022 18:01

@incognitoforthisone

What is really, really weird, if not rather dim, is that the option of going nonetheless is billed as being 'incapable of understanding'.

Of course I understand.

But OP simply said she does not ski. If she has never been to a ski resort she may not be aware they can be enjoyable nonetheless. Depends on the place but somewhere like Zermatt is lovely.

There was a recent thread from a family who had booked a ski holiday and couldn't afford to ski. And guess what? Many posters suggested going anyway and enjoying non-ski activities. Fancy that!

I understand her heart is set on the Far East. But her DP is off to the mountains. So she has to make the best of it.

RealBecca · 07/02/2022 18:05

I wouldn't mind him ASKING to change OUR plans.

I'd seriously question if hes usually such a selfish wanker. And I'd tell him I'm going Far East anyway and he can come or not but I wont be going again. If hes going to dictate I'd do it back and if he didn't get the point I was making then it's the start of the end.

Cocomarine · 07/02/2022 18:06

It’s hard to say how unfair your boyfriend is being.
Skiing is 100x better with friends than on your own and fairly time bound - there’s not much of this season left.
So if the opportunity came up, and you didn’t have firm plans for your holiday (or even a vague month) and his need to save isn’t a full year postponement… not that big a deal.
What’s the actual impact to you?

RealBecca · 07/02/2022 18:07

@TatianaBis "her DP is off to the mountains so she has to make the best of it"

Umm no! Go Far East anyway! There are plenty of solo travellers!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 07/02/2022 18:10

[quote TatianaBis]@MrsTerryPratchett

I know she doesn't ski yet but she can start now. Equally, winter holidays in the snow are lovely regardless. You can chill at the chalet, drink hot chocolate in the sun, go skating, sledding etc.

She could still go with them and enjoy the holiday regardless.[/quote]
Maybe she doesn’t want to? (My idea of hell)
The point though is that he chose his mates over the woman he supposedly loves and ditched a long planned holiday with her.Dh is a keen birder, he and mates go twice a year. After lockdown was lifted they asked if he was going, he said (without mentioning it to me) that no, he would rather spend time and money with me.

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 18:19

Sorry, just got back from work.

We got together about 6 months before the pandemic so haven’t been anywhere exotic together yet. We don’t live together but we are very much a couple.

What’s pissing me off is that he doesn’t earn as much as I do so saving up is more of an issue. Skiing is very expensive and so he will be spending almost all of the money he’d been saving for our holiday. Which will push it back another year or so.

He is adamant he still wants to do, and is excited about, the big Far East trip but that he couldn’t say no to the skiing opportunity.

He’s very proud and won’t let me lend him the money for our holiday.

To those who asked why don’t I just learn to ski, I hate the cold and am way too old to learn how to fall on my arse.

OP posts:

Cocomarine · 07/02/2022 18:27

So it doesn’t sound like you actually had much of a plan for your holiday? A definite decision on location and active savings plan, but not a date you’d booked off work, say, let alone a booking.

He wants to go skiing more than he wants to go to wherever you’re planning.

My husband is going on a extra ski trip this year as it happens - and I’m going back to Cambodia!

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 18:30

I’ve actually calmed down a bit (was stressed out earlier when I made the thread).

I think I overreacted in any case. As pp pointed out, travel to theFar East is still restricted so wouldn’t be able to happen soon anyway.

OP posts:

TheApexOfMyLife · 07/02/2022 18:59

@WheresTheJustice2

I’ve actually calmed down a bit (was stressed out earlier when I made the thread).

I think I overreacted in any case. As pp pointed out, travel to theFar East is still restricted so wouldn’t be able to happen soon anyway.

That’s not the point though.

Thé issue is the quality of your communication.
He could have said that he doesn’t think it would be possible to do the Far East trip so would prefer going skiing.
He could have mentioned how important skiing is to him.
He could have talked about what you could do this year instead.

You could have had a chat with him to understand why it’s so important to him.
You could double check if the Far East is really a trip he wants to do.

You both need to be clear on what is and isn’t important to you. From spending time/hols together to having time with friends, which hobbies are important etc etc…

Instead, you’ve just shut down and told yourself that you have over reacted and it’s not worth talking about it.

girlmom21 · 07/02/2022 20:14

How often would he normally go skiing? Is this going to be an issue again next year?

Kite22 · 07/02/2022 22:00

I think it is a big part of the point.

2 people who are going out together, have a dream of "one day" going on holiday to the far East.
They know it won't happen this year, as travel restrictions won't allow it. Nothing is planned, nothing is paid for.
It sounds lovely, and I'm a little bit jealous. It is something I really fancy but my dh doesn't. However, that is an aside.

He can't use the money he has been putting aside on that "some time in the future dream" this year, so he has decided to take up an offer of using it to go and do something he will enjoy this year, and then start saving again for the Far East holiday in time for a time when restrictions are lifted and he can join OP on that holiday. Seems logical to me.
Remember, they don't have joint finances or joint bills or responsibilities. This is the time to do the things / holidays that you enjoy that your boyfriend / girlfriend doesn't.

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 22:04

Yes, after I had time to get over my knee jerk reaction I agree with your analysis @Kite22

OP posts:

Kite22 · 07/02/2022 23:01

@WheresTheJustice2

Yes, after I had time to get over my knee jerk reaction I agree with your analysis *@Kite22*

What is it with all these reasonable posters coming back with calm, measured responses on AIBU this week ???

Something strange in the air.

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 07/02/2022 23:25

Haha

I just needed a large glass of wine 🍷

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread