To ask how you cope with your 2/3 year olds.

[Overandout1]

My son is 2.5 years.
Firstly how many hours do you 2 year olds sleep in a 24hr period?
Mine sleeps 9 hours.
Love him to bits but I've literally had enough.
Get woken up after nowhere near enough sleep. Before I've even had a cup of tea I have jigsaws thrust at me. He's demanding, loud, doesn't shut up and fusses about everything. Just barks orders at me all day and whilst I'm midway through one task starts shouting and demanding something else. I've tried to sit down and in the last 3 minutes got up 6 times... Tried to run upstairs to wake his father (resulted in screaming), 'more drink' (you had a drink 5.minutes ago), 'more apple' you've just eaten some, we have no more, I told you 30 times, 'oh no, oh no, drink spilt' (a minute amount that he repeatedly screeches at me to clean', 'Bing on' starts screeching 'no Bing, Cocomelon', whilst getting a drink, he's in the living room shouting 'nappy off, nappy off' and pulling his nappy off. By the time I get in, he's peed on the floor. Chase him to put a nappy on, go into the kitchen for a clothes to clean wee, starts screeching 'socks wet' as he's obviously stepped in the wee. Demands and shouts 'socks off' even though he can do it.

Before anyone judges, yes we are due to start potty training. Yes I do teach him to say please and thank you after each request.

All I do is clean up constantly and have 5 demands shouted at me at once! I'm fed up of constantly tidying, cooking, cleaning and dragging out shit activities that I hate.

Also what the hell do you do with a 2 year old for the 15 hours a day they are awake? Seriously.

My son has no attention span. My eldest would do crafts etc, this one is too physically busy. I drag out the morning as long as I can. We do an activity such as soft play, trampolining, toddler group (depending if anything is on locally on my days off). Every day we go to the park. I hate the park. I drag out going to the park as long as I can. Even after activities we have hours and hours left over at home. What do I do to entertain all day???? I try to play but he has little attention.
I literally can't be bothered to do any of it. I hate my day. I wake up and want to cry. I don't want to go through the same crap shit every day.

My friends all have children the same age as my oldest son (11). Have no youngw rmum friends, partly due to Covid but also even when I go to groups most people are already there with others or not social. I don't even want more 'mum friends' I can't be bothered.

The only saving grace is working 2 days a week. I'm on annual leave this week but will be pretending I'm working because I'd I don't, my partner stays in bed and I do everything like every other day. My only break is to work.

Argh.
Anyone else remotely feel the same or understand? I literally want to let my child to shut up and go away. 9am and I am depressed already.

Toddler groups. Not to make mum friends but it's an activity and it gets you out of the house. I used to do a toddler group and a walk or park most days with mine, just to use up the time.

Get your partner to give you a break when he can- it's essential.

Why is your partner lying in bed while you struggle?

It's a struggle. Mine is 2. I really struggle every day he's not in nursery and at weekends.

Work is so much easier than being a stay at home parent, in my opinion.

@ScrumpyBetty we do toddler groups but it's 1.5 hours out of a 15 hour day. I drag out a walk/park for an hour and usually do another walk to the park early evening but we still end up home for hours.

@Unanananana because he's a dick?! I mean he could get up but I'm still fed up and hate my life.

This is normal behaviour for a 2 year old. I think you may either have been spoiled a little if your eldest wasn’t like this, or more likely, not remembering how brutal the toddler period actually is. If he loves physical activity then get him out in the garden whatever the weather (get a decent puddle suit and wellies) while you have a coffee indoors (keep the door open so you can see him). To make things more fun outside you can out out a few old pans / spoons to create a mud kitchen, get him a little net and a children’s magnifiying glass to collect worms / snails etc. Does he have an outdoor balance bike / trike? If not get one & just let him go crazy. As long as you’re supervising from indoors it’s fine.

@Overandout1 my husband could not look after our two year old for an entire day. He would go mad. It's too hard.

@pregnantmummy22 sorry to hear you're struggling too. I agree, work is a break. Its relaxing, I hate annual leave and that's just pathetic. I remember being a single mum with just my eldest, I loved my time off but now time off literally means just do the same shit I do every other day!
How do you keep the 2 year old entertained? I feel we don't do enough, even if we do a at group, park and walk.

I started acting cheerful, calm and happy. The more outrageous they were the more I acted . (I couldn’t shout, scream or hit so the way I saw it sarcasm was slightly better.) It actually calmed both me and them down.

Looking back, yes they were unreasonable but before the acting I used to wind myself up about how unreasonable they were and it made it all worse. Kids do copy you so if you stay calm, eventually it will calm them.

@Overandout1 I am heavily pregnant and have had the worst pregnancy ever. So I can't even go to the park or to toddler groups. I hate weekends or when he's sick and can't go to nursery.

He has a lot of screen time. Sometimes we drive around in the car. He likes that and I can manage that because it's not physical. He likes painting and playing with water at the sink. Or occasionally plays with his toys.

@Ozanj you're right. My eldest was fantastic. I could take him anywhere. He's a quieter child, he never ran around screeching, demanding or jumping on things.

Thank you for the ideas 😊 I think because of lockdown he's used to his dad and I around constantly. He won't do anything alone really, will just pull me constantly. We have no family near and have had him babysat once in almost 3 years. If we go out for food, I play with him whilst waiting for our meal. My partner eats quicker than me, so he finishes and does something with our son I I sit eating alone. Going out for food is pointless. We even ate outside (it was 1°C) in a pub so he could aybin the park what we are but one of us had to constantly be there. I know we need to get out and keep busy but I'm at the stage where I just don't want to do anything anymore. I think if my family were closer things would be easier, just having the company and support would help.

Sounds like a completely normal 2 year old. DS turned 3 in October and he has been like this ever since he learned to speak properly tbh. He sleeps ok so I’m blessed in that respect I suppose, about 12 hours a night but does wake sometimes in the middle of the night for a pee or drink. The demands are normal for any toddler, I have 3 older DC who were all like this at this age too. I often get a cup thrust in my face with ‘can I have some water PLEEEAAASSSEEE’ or he’ll tilt his head to the side and say p-p-p-pleaaase which is difficult to ignore or not just find completely adorable. They are very manipulative.

Don’t fret about potty training. I waited till DS turned 3 and he was fully trained including night time in a week.

@Wasitworthita when he's demanding I sometimes walk around singing in my head and pretend I'm somewhere else! Maybe I need to try the whole 'fake it until you make it'. You're right though, they pick up on your moods. I need to summon some energy or enthusiasm for life from somewhere.

@pregnantmummy22 sorry your pregnancy has been tough. I honestly cannot imagine being pregnant and having to deal with my son! It's bad enough when I'm ill. I just feel like an unpaid slave.

I get it. My DH isn't a dick, but he works long hours so although he's helpful when he's here, often it's just me. My DS (3.5) has always been a rubbish sleeper and is very active and demanding during the day. I am currently ill with the worst cold I've ever had. I've burst blood vessels in my eyes and pulled muscles from coughing so violently and haven't slept at all for the last two nights. I just want to lie on the sofa and rest but DS demands constant attention, he won't even sit and watch TV for 10 minutes. DH won't be back from work til about 6.30pm. If I had the energy I think I'd be tempted to run away.

YANBU, sometimes it's just shit.

@SartresSoul thank you for reassuring me. I think because my eldest was a delight (and I have a huge age gap), my youngest is a shock. I do appreciate though that his behaviour is normal! I think it's the contestant moaning, whining, loudness, demanding and monotonous days that get me. Plus the constant guilt that we should do more, less screen time, he needs to be speaking better than he is (but I struggle to know how to encourage this despite verbalising everything), worry he should be counting etc by now, should be potty trained etc.
I'm a calm (well I was), quiet person, so is my eldest. My partner is loud and our son is loud too. I hate it.

[quote Overandout1]@Ozanj you're right. My eldest was fantastic. I could take him anywhere. He's a quieter child, he never ran around screeching, demanding or jumping on things.

Thank you for the ideas 😊 I think because of lockdown he's used to his dad and I around constantly. He won't do anything alone really, will just pull me constantly. We have no family near and have had him babysat once in almost 3 years. If we go out for food, I play with him whilst waiting for our meal. My partner eats quicker than me, so he finishes and does something with our son I I sit eating alone. Going out for food is pointless. We even ate outside (it was 1°C) in a pub so he could aybin the park what we are but one of us had to constantly be there. I know we need to get out and keep busy but I'm at the stage where I just don't want to do anything anymore. I think if my family were closer things would be easier, just having the company and support would help.[/quote]
I get it. I also have a 2 year old and work in childcare so am taking care of 30 2-3 year olds. It is a nightmare. But garden play really does work to make them more independant. You just have to make sure he can see you from all the fun stuff you’ve laid out for him. Do it everyday and he’ll soon learn it’s safe to do things by himself. It won’t be immediate but I’ve seen results within a week.

@neverbeenskiing I'm so sorry you feel so poorly! That's really hard, I can't imagine feeling that unwell on top of everything and hope you're better soon.
Most days I just feel like I'm existing, trying to get through it and just willing the day to end. It's pathetic!

DTs are nearly 2. Garden centre to see the fish, toddler groups, supermarket to ride in the trolley, park with a football, playdates, play cafe are all things that keep us going.

Poor you OP. I remember this stage so well. I corralled a local teenager to come and play and paid £6-8 per hour (London). Also started two mornings a week at nursery at 2.5. I honestly think the only way to cope is breaks. Also - he will grow out of this stage into new annoying ones. But less demanding of you.

Oh also, mine spent at least 45 mins washing toys this weekend. Washing up bowl, loads of towels and 25 happyland people to wash

Mine is really full-on and I swear he is more full-on than my older DC was (he’s just 2 and DC1 is 6 so a smaller gap than you, ie I can’t have forgotten or blocked out all of it).

9 hours sleep sounds like very little - I take it he’s dropped his nap? Mine sleeps roughly 11-12 hours at night and also for 1.5 to 2 hours in the day and I swear this is what keeps me sane.

We do get out every day- normally we go to swimming class every week, then playgroup or soft play or similar on my other day at home, maybe a play date or the park when the weather is better. We also do errands though he has now learned how to stand in the supermarket trolley so that one is out.

At home he seems to have an attention span of approximately 35 seconds for any TV programme or toy and this decreases in inverse proportion to how much I need him to just entertain himself so I can, eg, make a phone call. He is going through that phase of bellowing for something and losing interest the minute he has it, as well as getting out toy after toy but not actually playing with them.

I agree it’s really difficult not having the support - even someone to watch him for half an hour while you make dinner would make a huge difference. Sounds like your DP needs to step up if you’ve become the default parent.

No concrete suggestions beyond getting DP to step up when you’re both at home - can you spell out to him you want him to take DC out on a weekend morning so you can do X important task or watch Netflix? Basically, I find I cope better when I know I have regular breaks!

@Overandout1 thank you. I probably need to get a grip but am feeling properly sorry for myself right now.

With my eldest, I coped with the pre-school years by getting out and about as much as possible, as pp have suggested. But with DS it's been more difficult. He's a runner, has no sense of danger whatsoever and doesn't listen so taking him out on my own can be stressful. I still do it. But it's not the sanity-saver it was with my DD who was always pretty calm and compliant as long as she was occupied.

My 2 yo is very similar OP. Only his speech isn't great so he screams, a high pitched, ear splitting scream. He won't see his sister (6) have anything, constantly attacks her, takes her toys, knocks her food over and then means dd is also crying/shouting to the point it's easier to just keep them apart.
We rarely go out as a family because it just ends up in tantrums. Lockdown also meant ds didn't really learn how to act in public and he's wild... it's a lot harder than I thought to teach him!

I work ft so he's in nursery while I work but I find it really hard to fill in the evenings. Some days I just do a long bath if he's particularly unreasonable. It's not all bad and he's very loving, some of his toddler weirdness is cute and/or funny and those moments help.

Weekends and days off I've found things like going to woodland parks or play farms where we can spend a few hours or even all day there playing/walking are good and often result in a nap. Soft play, toddler activities (not regular groups because I work weekdays but we have some good toddler places that run weekend sessions). He loves physical activities and dd enjoys them too so it's a lot of play areas, woodlands, swimming (not that often because changing after is a nightmare!), soft plays and whatever else is on. At home it can be good to just be in the garden, give him a ball, pop him on the swing/slide, give him chalks.

Toddlers aren't known for reasonableness but it gets better as they get older. Your DH staying in bed is something you can address now, he needs to support you, do things together as a family or give you a break.

Its a really hard, exhausting age. I would say go to toddler groups, swimming, run about in the park, I couldn't be in all day with a toddler, they need to burn all that energy offx

Mine used to like a washing up bowl of soapy water and let him wash stuff (outside of course)

I can feel your depression and exhaustion, its not easy x

Thank you all again for the replies. It does help to know I'm not alone in this!
Maybe we need to find more things to do but the problem is that Im at the stage where I lack any motivation. I'll probably take him to soft play later but I'm not looking forward to it. I just think how much I hate my crap life, trying to do non stop things that I don't want to do. Even if we do our errands and soft play we will be home by 2pm. Then we have hours and hours to fill and I just don't know what to fill it with. I'll try some of the suggestions though. When the weather is better getting out will be easier.
I'm just fed up of the same places. Even trampoline park and soft play are boring when done every week.