To ask how you cope with your 2/3 year olds.

[Overandout1]

My son is 2.5 years.
Firstly how many hours do you 2 year olds sleep in a 24hr period?
Mine sleeps 9 hours.
Love him to bits but I've literally had enough.
Get woken up after nowhere near enough sleep. Before I've even had a cup of tea I have jigsaws thrust at me. He's demanding, loud, doesn't shut up and fusses about everything. Just barks orders at me all day and whilst I'm midway through one task starts shouting and demanding something else. I've tried to sit down and in the last 3 minutes got up 6 times... Tried to run upstairs to wake his father (resulted in screaming), 'more drink' (you had a drink 5.minutes ago), 'more apple' you've just eaten some, we have no more, I told you 30 times, 'oh no, oh no, drink spilt' (a minute amount that he repeatedly screeches at me to clean', 'Bing on' starts screeching 'no Bing, Cocomelon', whilst getting a drink, he's in the living room shouting 'nappy off, nappy off' and pulling his nappy off. By the time I get in, he's peed on the floor. Chase him to put a nappy on, go into the kitchen for a clothes to clean wee, starts screeching 'socks wet' as he's obviously stepped in the wee. Demands and shouts 'socks off' even though he can do it.

Before anyone judges, yes we are due to start potty training. Yes I do teach him to say please and thank you after each request.

All I do is clean up constantly and have 5 demands shouted at me at once! I'm fed up of constantly tidying, cooking, cleaning and dragging out shit activities that I hate.

Also what the hell do you do with a 2 year old for the 15 hours a day they are awake? Seriously.

My son has no attention span. My eldest would do crafts etc, this one is too physically busy. I drag out the morning as long as I can. We do an activity such as soft play, trampolining, toddler group (depending if anything is on locally on my days off). Every day we go to the park. I hate the park. I drag out going to the park as long as I can. Even after activities we have hours and hours left over at home. What do I do to entertain all day???? I try to play but he has little attention.
I literally can't be bothered to do any of it. I hate my day. I wake up and want to cry. I don't want to go through the same crap shit every day.

My friends all have children the same age as my oldest son (11). Have no youngw rmum friends, partly due to Covid but also even when I go to groups most people are already there with others or not social. I don't even want more 'mum friends' I can't be bothered.

The only saving grace is working 2 days a week. I'm on annual leave this week but will be pretending I'm working because I'd I don't, my partner stays in bed and I do everything like every other day. My only break is to work.

Argh.
Anyone else remotely feel the same or understand? I literally want to let my child to shut up and go away. 9am and I am depressed already.

Start saying no and mean it.
Mommy cant understand you in that voice, use your nice voice.
No you can't do that now, well do it later.

If he's screaching at you rudely, is he being a toddler or copying someone else? If he expects you to do as you're told, is he being a toddler or copying someone else?

Sounds a lot like my 3 year old! I was in denial when she dropped her nap and sometimes the day can feel very long. My DD goes to nursery now she's 3, just for a few hours of a morning but it gives us a little bit of a break and lets her run around and do glittery crafts I can't stand. We take her out to soft play, swimming, garden centres, cafes etc but those activities have a time limit with a 3 year old's attention span.

She loves to be involved in what you're doing so if I'm changing the bed or putting the washing away she comes and helps (bounces on the bed a lot). Sometimes we do a longer daytime bath with glow sticks or a bath bomb for something different away from the TV/tablet.

I find the constant demands/moans hard too - they always seem to start just as we've come downstairs of a morning and you've had no time to even turn the kettle on. I try and make sure that once all her of immediate demands are met that I sit down with my breakfast/etc and tell her that I'm having my meal/drink now and she will have to wait or play with toys that are already out.

I would try and move his bedtime gradually earlier. I agree with a previous poster that manicness is a sign mine is getting super tired. It's the constant emptying and mess making that gets me, so we have a limited number of toys downstairs to play with, so it's not to much to tidy at the end of the day. We have an hour or two of screen time. I put a puddle suit on and put him in the garden whilst I watch from the patio doors with a cup of tea. I let him do a bit of washing up (yes I have to mop the floor and redo it all after, but I get 30mins of entertainment first!)
I am working on him being able to play alone, so I start playing with him, then say I just have to.... and leave for a bit and come back. It's ok to say no to his requests, to say in a minute mummy is having a rest now or to tell him to go and wake daddy up if he wants that. I agree with all pp that your happiness is important so if your really hating the time, that's ok just use more formal childcare so the time you do spend together is enjoyable.

Thank you again all, you've given me some amazing ideas for activities and less alone.
I suppose the other issue is the general lack of support. My partner works very few hours and I end up doing all the childcare and he does bugger all in the house.
For instance, I got up with our son and he woke 3 hours later! He had DS 20 mins for me to shower then I took him out for 3 hours.
Came back and partner is working. He works 3 hours from home and had an hour and a half gap in between work. I basically asked him if he could have ds for an hour in between so I could spend a bit of time with my eldest as he has Covid and is isolating in his room.
Partner was going to play Xbox and sit our son in front of his phone, so I asked him not to, so I could get a break.
I literally come home from soft play, make everyone lunch except myself. Clean up, spend an hour with eldest. Come down and DP has got all toys out, left dishes everywhere and informed me I timed it we because DS had a pooey nappy (he was waiting for me to do it). I'm just sitting down for a cake and cup of tea (with DS climbing over me) and will be starting dinner, then my partner will be on Xbox all evening.
I feel drained and exhausted but will look into nursery. I know he has a place for Sept but I've no idea how many free hours, I'm in Wales.
I do need to find a friend with a toddler my sons age, I've been doing soft ays, trampolining etc but they aren't the best places.
I need one of those overpriced music groups that only last 30mins and cost £7 a session
I know he can't keep demanding and shouting, I'm working on that. My partner is loud which doesn't help. However I'm being rely strict now. Everytime he shouts 'drink, drink' etc I say no, you ask nicely and I ensure he says please. He's speech took a bit longer, so I got used to him saying one word phrases but I won't be shouted demands at!

Partner needs to shape up or ship out but that is a separate issue.

I found soft play, parks and especially out swimming as early in the day as I could for as long as I could, keep them there making them expend as much energy as possible. Then give some food and try with a calmer activity - I found letting them let off steam first massively improved the concentration and focus for the calmer activities of the afternoon - also seemed to improve the ability for independent play - hope it works for you.

@Overandout1

Thank you again all, you've given me some amazing ideas for activities and less alone. I suppose the other issue is the general lack of support. My partner works very few hours and I end up doing all the childcare and he does bugger all in the house. For instance, I got up with our son and he woke 3 hours later! He had DS 20 mins for me to shower then I took him out for 3 hours. Came back and partner is working. He works 3 hours from home and had an hour and a half gap in between work. I basically asked him if he could have ds for an hour in between so I could spend a bit of time with my eldest as he has Covid and is isolating in his room. Partner was going to play Xbox and sit our son in front of his phone, so I asked him not to, so I could get a break. I literally come home from soft play, make everyone lunch except myself. Clean up, spend an hour with eldest. Come down and DP has got all toys out, left dishes everywhere and informed me I timed it we because DS had a pooey nappy (he was waiting for me to do it). I'm just sitting down for a cake and cup of tea (with DS climbing over me) and will be starting dinner, then my partner will be on Xbox all evening. I feel drained and exhausted but will look into nursery. I know he has a place for Sept but I've no idea how many free hours, I'm in Wales. I do need to find a friend with a toddler my sons age, I've been doing soft ays, trampolining etc but they aren't the best places. I need one of those overpriced music groups that only last 30mins and cost £7 a session I know he can't keep demanding and shouting, I'm working on that. My partner is loud which doesn't help. However I'm being rely strict now. Everytime he shouts 'drink, drink' etc I say no, you ask nicely and I ensure he says please. He's speech took a bit longer, so I got used to him saying one word phrases but I won't be shouted demands at!

Your partner is your problem. You need him to do his bit. He's acting like a child.

Honestly, my gut feeling is you need to work full time and figure out a way to leave your useless partner.

I survive my whirlwind now-3 year old because 1, she's in full-time nursery (which she massively benefits from, I'd say your child would too) and 2, my husband is a totally equal partner.

If not leave him, you need at least to sit him down and make it clear what he's doing is unacceptable. Your son is internalising the way he treats you. He should be backing you up and giving you a break. I honestly couldn't have coped if my husband wasn't doing 50% of it, we lost so much childcare due to covid, were doing shifts of her/WFH/her terrible sleep, and it was survivable - and fun at times - because we were both giving it 100%. I do realise its a bit hard to make someone be an equal partner, but if he doesn't change you'll be worn down and ready to leave him in a few years so I genuinely would start trying to salvage it now.

Practically, I find having a structure to the day really helps. We use picture timetables too. So - breakfast at x time, then 30 minutes, bing, then playground/walk/outside time and snack, then lunch, then another activity outside, then an audio-book/stories/housework/whatever. Break the day down so its predictable and they'll fall into the routine a bit. Its really bloody hard. Its got a bit easier now. We found gro clock a bit helpful for nighttime sleep, also lots of physical and mental stimulation - we just can't tire her out the way nursery can. Don't think about 'justifying' it on the grounds of expense, think about justifying it on the grounds of a really shitty partner and your mental and physical health, plus the fact the stimulation is good for them. I used to feel like not being a SAHM was possibly a selfish choice, but now I've experienced months at home due to covid I can honestly say some children really benefit from childcare settings and thankfully I have one of them.

You're depressed and demoralised because your partner is a twat. You're letting him walk all over you and then when your toddler does the same you feel doubly enraged.

Why are you doing everything while he sits around playing with his X-Box? Why does he get to lie in and not do housework when he barely works?

Sorry to be harsh, but you need to learn to stand up for yourself and not be treated like a doormat. With toddlers, getting out of the house, having some planned activities, enough sleep, socialising etc help - but I think your underlying problem here is that your energy is sapped by an unequal relationship.

My DH WFH and takes DS for an hour at lunch on my days off (I work 3 days a week). This is massively helpful mentally, and he has no excuse not to help.

I hear you! I have ds (3) and dd (2). Ds also has sen. we are watching the little mermaid and DS keeps asking me what will happen next then breaks into the kitchen to snaffle snacks....I love them but it is TOUGH

Get him in the bath!! My boys were all like this, so much energy I was exhausted . Can you work another day? Even if not making extra money maybe worth it for the break!

I would be out every morning at a class / play group/ soft play with etc. Home for lunch and a nap then afternoon would be park, but if we were having one of those days I’d run a bath in the day, throw in lots of toys and he’d have a great plan

Why does your partner only work 3 hours a day? If he is then he should do some childcare so you can do other things too? Playing on the X Box all the time is just not on?

Ugh, toddlers are dicks a lot of the time. Mine likes 'helping out' which is actually quite usual in that I can get some chores done too. So if I need to do some cooking she will still in her learning tower or sit at the table next to me with her little plastic knife and board and chop things while I prep a meal. Or she will splash water in the sink while I clear the kitchen, or attempt to hang washing up while I do that. Ikea is pretty fun for kids and you can get a cheap meal there as well. Department stores too, lots of explore and you can browse for things. My kids bloody loves an audiobook too, will sit for ages listening we got her a yoto player for Xmas which has delivered us hours of pester free time!!