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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No direct Wedding Invite for husband

54 replies

Aitanacama · 06/02/2022 21:04

Just wondering about wedding invite etiquette …my brother is getting married in June, he has invited me and my family (hubby and two kids) we live abroad (Europe) so not far. Yesterday was discussing with hubby the logistics and he basically threw a major tantrum and said if my brother didn’t invite him directly as in call him personally about the wedding, then he isn’t going and neither are the kids. That basically it’s rude that my brother hasn’t spoken to him directly and expects him to buy tickets and fly over. Am I missing something ? Because I think it’s pretty ridiculous, since he is invited by both my sis in law and brother, they have made plans for four of us, does he actually need to be told personally? For a little back story, my brother and husband don’t talk much, just polite, there’s literally a 20 year age gap so they don’t have much in common, and my brother is pretty anti-social. We live abroad the interaction is limited to when he or we visit, which we haven’t in the last two years. Tell me because I’m seething and ready to curse my husband all the way out.

OP posts:
Aitanacama · 06/02/2022 21:05

Not curse him out, that sounds dramatic… but you get drift

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 06/02/2022 21:06

Erm no since when did people have to call directly and invite people

Chilledchablis1 · 06/02/2022 21:07

Have you received a written invitation?

Blueeilidh · 06/02/2022 21:07

I'm not sure what the voting options are but your husband sounds ridiculous

Acheyknees · 06/02/2022 21:07

I suspect DH doesn't want to go to the wedding and is creating drama to get out of attending

FanSpamTastic · 06/02/2022 21:07

He's being daft - it's your brother - I'm not sure I even got an invitation card to my brothers wedding - was just expected to show up with the bridesmaids (our dd's)!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/02/2022 21:08

Did a physical invite arrive?

Awrite · 06/02/2022 21:09

Your husband is being ridiculous.

He doesn't have to attend but he can't stop you taking your kids. He's not the boss.

BendingSpoons · 06/02/2022 21:09

Your DH is being ridiculous. Your DB has invited your family. Why would he call each member personally?!

CareBear50 · 06/02/2022 21:10

What on earth is your husband's actual issue. Sounds like he doesn't want to go......but is having a stupid tantrum to cover up the fact he doesn't want to attend

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 06/02/2022 21:11

Eh? What does he want, a brass band, sky writing, a TV announcement?

Eleganz · 06/02/2022 21:11

Is your DH British?

Louisianagumbo · 06/02/2022 21:15

He's being ridiculous.

MintJulia · 06/02/2022 21:17

To me, this suggests your dh doesn't want to go, doesn't want to spend the money and is looking for an excuse not to.

Totalwasteofpaper · 06/02/2022 21:20

Your husband is nuts and spoiling for a fight for no good reason.

HTH.

Aitanacama · 06/02/2022 21:21

I thought he was being completely ridiculous, I mean technically I haven’t been formally invited either 😂 my brother more like called me to confirm the days I could get off work to attend the wedding., before they booked the venue. There have been no formal or written invitations yet. Now I could technically ask my bro or sis in law to give his majesty a call, but I think it’s actually ridiculous, that he even wants to set up those kind of stipulations. I’m ready to go and let him have it, I just had to take a shower and relax my self first because I’m super annoyed. If he doesn’t want to go then he can say, but I don’t get this formal invite business. @Eleganz no he isn’t British but surely that can’t be an excuse.

OP posts:
HotPenguin · 06/02/2022 21:27

Is it because your DH considers himself head of the household and the one who makes decisions on spending? As I really can't understand why he would think your DB should speak to him separately.

Aitanacama · 06/02/2022 21:31

He’s not head of the house hold we both have income, decisions on spending are made jointly, and tickets to the UK from Europe are hardly astronomical, besides we can comfortably afford it so that’s no the issue. I think it’s more like delusion of grandeur

OP posts:
Musicalmaestro · 06/02/2022 21:32

Who is older? Your DH or DB?

lockthedoor36 · 06/02/2022 21:34

Now I could technically ask my bro or sis in law to give his majesty a call, but I think it’s actually ridiculous, that he even wants to set up those kind of stipulations

that would be embarrassing for you to have to do and even more embarrassing/awkward for your husband to have to take the call knowing you had to orchestrate it. I can't believe your husband is putting himself in that situation.

YANBU op, unless there's some backstory then your husbands sounds like a drama llama and is making an issue out of nothing. At my sister's wedding, my mum told me to come home for it. I would never think to demand my sister call me.

Tulips21 · 06/02/2022 21:37

Your husband is being a twat.
I'd just book you and the Dc- Do you want your DH's ridiculous attitide potentially causing drama when you visit for the wedding

Aitanacama · 06/02/2022 21:38

My DH is older…@lockthedoor36 thank you this is exactly my thoughts.

OP posts:
saraclara · 06/02/2022 21:45

He doesn't get to dictate that the kids don't go to their uncle's wedding.

What on earth is the matter with the man? I'd leave him behind.

Neolara · 06/02/2022 21:48

Your DH is being ridiculous but given that he's not British, why don't you just say this is the way things are done in the UK.. Families are invited together partners are not invited over the phone, formal invites come out 6 weeks before etc. At least that makes it all cultural and not personal.

VodselForDinner · 06/02/2022 21:49

Does your husband generally make things all about him?