I’ve never had a joint account-how does it feel?

[Lieby]

Been with my husband nearly twenty years, super happily. We very much started as equals, splitting everything when we went out, on trips and holidays etc. Eventually, we both sold our places and bought together, then got married, and have continued to financially function in a similar way-not rigidly at all, but more vaguely taking turns, usually splitting restaurant bills. We do have a billing account in both our names, but that’s not an actively used thing. Question is, I’m soonish going to take early retirement, and will have very little money coming in. He’s absolutely fine about sharing an account, but after all this time, and never having done it before, I cannot imagine what it’ll be like! For context, neither one of us is a high earner, and we share the same relatively simple aspirations etc. What’s it like??

It's.. not like anything in particular. I don't really think about it tbh! We've had one since we got married nearly 20 years ago. We both have our own separate accounts too, and we pay a proportion of our pay into the joint account, from which the mortgage, bills and all general expenditure is paid for, leaving each of ussome spending money in our own accounts. Dh pays much more into the joint account than I do, because he earns a lit more than I do.

Tbh I find it hard to understand what you mean when you say you can't imagine what it will be like! It's just bills coming out of a shared account that you'vepaid into .

The OP doesn't mean a shared bills account. I imagine she means that if she buys a coffee, new shoes, her petrol, and so on, it will come out of a joint account as she'll have no personal ringfenced income.

I worry about this too when we retire, as DH's employers give him a much more generous pension than mine.

I've never had one as personally I think we would both nit pick about each others day to day spending. Would it be an option to have all bills come out of your jping billing account and have a standing order weekly/ monthly for an agreed amount of spending money?

ToykotoLosAngeles that’s exactly what I mean! Shared billing account isn’t the thing making me feel weird!

We’ve only ever had a joint account, met young and it was our first proper account we made. We don’t try to work out each other’s transactions or really look beyond if there’s enough in there

I don't really think about it. It doesn't feel any way particularly. If I feel anything about it it is immense gratitude when I read on here about some of the horrendous stories of financial abuse.

We've had a joint account since just before we got married. We both get lauding to our accounts then transfer about 95% of that to the joint or joint savings. Other than DH keeps £500 back to pay for my train ticket because it works best on PayPal which is linked to his account and I usually transfer the money to the government childcare account because my pay day date works best with the nursery invoices date. But everything is covered then everything else goes to joint, mortgage etc comes out and everything left in it is for both of us

We have a joint account that all our wages go in to.

We both have our own account where we get a set amount of 'spends' each month.

Anything left over gets put into our joint savings account.

We never used to do this. We just used to use the joint account for everything, but I like to have budgets and this just makes life easier.

Our spends does not include stuff like fuel, but is specifically personal money. Going out, buying clothes etc.

Agree with @Angeldust747. We keep our accounts separate. My husband will retire before me without a brilliant pension. I will transfer money to him rather than have joint accounts. We are both too used to doing as we please and would not want to change now.

We've always had one as our only account. I've never thought anything of it. I would say we are, as you describe, two people who share the same simple aspirations and I suppose that's why it works. Neither of us are either particularly penny pinching or spendthrifty. I've spent a few years as a non earner, on a career break, and dh has always earnt more but we just share everything.

We have our own accounts and we have shared accounts. The shared accounts are practical for shared expenses, we're married with children so that's most of them! It's worked for us. We're very happy too and transparent about our individual accounts.

@GOODCAT

Agree with *@Angeldust747*. We keep our accounts separate. My husband will retire before me without a brilliant pension. I will transfer money to him rather than have joint accounts. We are both too used to doing as we please and would not want to change now.

We have joint savings and separate current accounts. I suspect we will do similar in later life, as I like expensive handbags and DH likes expensive Lego! Currently if I get a bonus for example I like being able to decide whether to spend or save it, and in what proportions.

Just very much a feeling of shared money and financial goals. We've had periods where I've earned more and now DH earns more. Neither of us ever questions what the other spends. Big purchases get discussed, but other than that we just spend what we need (or want) to. We've had periods of being on a very low income and now we're comfortable but it's just always been family money.

I don't know, I've never had one either.

Been with DH for over 20 years. Married for 18. Never opened a joint account, can't even remember if we ever discussed it. I guess as we've always earned pretty much the same and split things roughly equally it was never really an issue.

We've always had fully joint accounts, no separate individual accounts. All our money is just family money. It's never been an issue because we discuss money regularly, have the same attitudes to spending etc. When I wasn't working I never felt I had to ask DH if I could get myself a new pair of shoes or lunch out, and the same for him when he had a period out of work. We discuss large purchases beforehand of course.

Worst thing I ever did. Allowed my now ex-husband to be finally abusive, to lie about his salary going into the account, to withdraw £56,000 cash during the marriage without telling me, take out £28,000 loans without telling me and taking out credit cards in my names maxing them out and then leaving me to pay them off when I divorced him. Do not ever get one.

Would it work better for you to have a monthly allowance paid into your own current account?

We have separate accounts plus a joint account for bills. I get an alert every time one of us spends something on the joint card. I'd find that quite intrusive for personal spending. Even if you turn off the alerts it's still there on online banking/ statements.

Only ever had a joint account. All wages go into the main joint account - and then what's left (minus the DD's) go into a joint day to day account. Everything comes out of there - so fuel, food, clothes for kids, whatever is needed really.

We see it now as what I earn and what he earns - it's what WE earn and it's a family pot.

I actually don't understand people who are married for so long and operate with the 'it's mine' attitude. Seems odd to me!

DH and I have a joint account into which everything goes in and everything goes out.

We have our own "savings" accounts as well into which we put a percentage of what is left at the end of the month. That can vary from 20p to £200 depending on how expensive the month has been.

We use the joint account for everything, except special and expensive things. For example, I use the joint account to buy normal clothes and shoes for myself, but if I wanted a fancy pair of high heels I'd save for them. DH uses the joint account for normal paints for his hobby, but if he needed a new air compressor unit he'd use his savings. If I'm just getting a trim I use the joint account, if I'm getting a fancy new colour or style (in the big city) I save for it.

It works well for us, there is no secrecy, everything is open and transparent and we earn very similar amounts and have similar views in what counts as luxury.

We have one, married 10yrs. No individual day to day accounts (although some separate savings). We are pretty relaxed about it, don’t check what each other are spending or go through it with a fine toothed comb. We don’t have loads of spare money so we both have a rough idea of a personal budget to stick to and if one of us has a large purchase we want to make we mention it and check we have enough money in the account etc. We do talk about money fairly often to keep on the same page although it’s my husband who regularly checks the account and budget (it was me for the first half of our marriage but his current job means he has a varied of income streams so he’s taken over recently).

I think as long as you’re both on the same
page with what you can afford, check the account regularly and are relaxed then it works well. I would say the only downside is that I have to tell him near his birthday not to look at the statement but tbh we are not people who surprise each other with weekends away or anything like that so it’s not a huge issue

Well, for me, it is practical and normal.

However since we got married, we have put all income into our joint account, and then had standing orders to our "pocket money" accounts - that gets round the thing of any 'resentment' of one spending on things the other thinks is a waste of money, and, indeed, allows you to buy a present for the other without them seeing.

We've had one since we got married. This is alongside our individual accounts. Our wages go into our own accounts & we each have a standing order to keep the joint account topped up. All regular outgoings, bills, mortgage etc go out of the joint account. DH is a much higher earner than me, so he probably puts a bit extra in when needed. Whatever we have in our individual accounts is ours to spend as we please. It works for us.

It's fine for us but we've never done it any other way.
Everything we earn is ours. Just like all the furniture is ours. It's not my sofa and his coffee table itswim.

It's a big change for you and you should discuss how you both feel and how it's going to work best.

For us it’s normal, we’ve had a joint account since we got married (11+ years) and both salaries are paid into it.

I handle all the bills/payments in and out, transfers to savings etc.
The only time we ever really discuss are for large purchases or when DH wants to withdraw $$ to invest.
My only caveat with a joint account was that I would have full oversight. DH was happy to leave it all to me, he doesn’t even have the passwords!

CoastalWave

What happens when you have a joint account you like to buy coffee at work every day, lunch out once a week, and your dh doesn't do this? Joint accounts are fine when everyone is easygoing but I would find them stressful. DH never socialises with friends only buys clothes when he needs to, takes a packed lunch to work all the time. If we had a joint account I would feel guilty spending any money except for groceries. Dh would begrudge me buying treats when he is si careful, despite me earning 70% of the household income.

We've been together 14 years and had joint current and savings account for about 8 years now. Back then DH earned double my salary but it was never thought of as his money and my money, plus I was working part time and doing most of the childcare.

Now I earn double what he does and it's still family money.

I can see why some would be apprehensive if they had been burnt before that this is what works for us. And I trust him implicitly.