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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve never had a joint account-how does it feel?

69 replies

Lieby · 06/02/2022 18:27

Been with my husband nearly twenty years, super happily. We very much started as equals, splitting everything when we went out, on trips and holidays etc. Eventually, we both sold our places and bought together, then got married, and have continued to financially function in a similar way-not rigidly at all, but more vaguely taking turns, usually splitting restaurant bills. We do have a billing account in both our names, but that’s not an actively used thing. Question is, I’m soonish going to take early retirement, and will have very little money coming in. He’s absolutely fine about sharing an account, but after all this time, and never having done it before, I cannot imagine what it’ll be like! For context, neither one of us is a high earner, and we share the same relatively simple aspirations etc. What’s it like??

OP posts:
Caterina99 · 06/02/2022 20:20

We just have all our income and all our spends come out of the same joint account now. But we’ve gone through various permutations of us both working, and only one of us working, and we have children so it wasn’t as easy as us both having our own money and paying into a joint account for bills. Neither of us is particularly a big spender and we discuss any large purchases, so coffees for me or video games or whatever for him doesn’t really bother us

DH did initially suggest we pay all income into the joint account and then pay ourselves an allowance each into our separate personal accounts. We just didn’t bother though. But you could do that so you both have the same amount of “fun money” to spend as you wish each month

AwkwardPaws27 · 06/02/2022 20:31

We have shared finances but have a standing order to send the same amount of money to our personal accounts each month. That way we can have some spends without judging each other Grin
Also good for buying gifts.

Hillarious · 06/02/2022 20:51

All our money is family money and we use it to buy what we need individually. I even use it to buy the biscuits for the office at work.

Sunshine1235 · 06/02/2022 22:30

@user1471554720

I do think you both need to be quite easy going and have a fairly similar spend ethic or be well off enough not to worry about it. It wouldn’t bother me if my husband was buying a coffee everyday if we could afford it, but I probably would say something if he was buying lunch every day and money was looking tight. But I’m confident that he wouldn’t do that if money was tight or would see where I was coming from if I said something. I think the method of having your own ‘pocket money’ can be helpful if you’re worried you’ll get stressed over what you’re spending

nokidshere · 07/02/2022 01:10

We have had joint accounts since we bought our first home 40yrs ago. It's not 'like' anything. Money goes in, money goes out. We run big purchases past each other but that's all. We don't check what each other is spending on a day to day basis.

Topseyt · 07/02/2022 03:04

I don't like joint accounts because I don't like feeling that every penny I spend could potentially be scrutinised.

I much prefer the privacy of my own individual account. Far simpler.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 07/02/2022 03:11

It doesn’t really feel like anything. Helps that DH doesn’t begrudge me spending anything and vice versa. He couldn’t care less if I bought coffee from a coffee shop and I couldn’t care less if he spends money on his hobby, etc. We roughly know how much there is ‘free’ to spend and we naturally just spend our half of it.

ShallWeTalkAboutBruno · 07/02/2022 03:11

Oh and neither of us scrutinise each other’s spend at all. Just haven’t got the inclination,

Rickrollme · 07/02/2022 03:17

@TheViewFromTheCheapSeats

We’ve only ever had a joint account, met young and it was our first proper account we made. We don’t try to work out each other’s transactions or really look beyond if there’s enough in there
Same. We trust one another and we both live within our means so it’s not an issue. I learned a long time ago that scorekeeping of any kind is never good for a relationship. If DH started checking up go see how much I spent on shoes or how many coffees I had that week it would not be well-received.
whiteroseredrose · 07/02/2022 05:02

@nokidshere

We have had joint accounts since we bought our first home 40yrs ago. It's not 'like' anything. Money goes in, money goes out. We run big purchases past each other but that's all. We don't check what each other is spending on a day to day basis.
Same here.

We're a team. We both pay salaries in and buy from it. It was important for me when I was a SAHM and when buying for the DC. It was our money, not his, that I was using.

We used to split what was left into sole accounts but that has fallen by the wayside.

Neither of us are big spenders though. It might not work so well if I had a penchant for designer shoes or handbags.

TurretGunner · 07/02/2022 05:13

We have our own accounts, married 25 years, very happy.

decemberrainydays · 07/02/2022 05:51

Dh and I have had a joint account for so long I don't remember us not. Any pay for both of us is paid into that account. Since dc were born 16 years ago he's been either the main or sole earner.

We have always treated any money either of us earns as family money that we both have an equal right to. Who was actually paid it is irrelevant to us as we see ourselves as a team. We both spend out of the account as if it's our own money.

romdowa · 07/02/2022 05:55

Myself and dp have had a joint account for a while and it's fine. We always mention if we've spent money and discuss major purchases before hand. It makes life easier really so that we can both see what's going on

Traumdeuter · 07/02/2022 05:58

Those who have only a joint account, how did you pay bills before the relationship? Did you close your individual current account after getting married?

ShippingNews · 07/02/2022 06:04

I've always had one with DH. Never thought much about it. Our money is family money, not yours and mine, all our income goes into it and we spend what we like / need from it. We both take a look at the monthly statement but I don't recall either of us questioning the other about any spending.

We're pretty much like you, neither of us high earners, and we both have similar needs and wants. I suppose it depends on your relationship - neither DH nor I would ever worry about one person buying lunch or a pair of shoes, it just wouldn't enter our heads.

Cluckingtell · 07/02/2022 06:04

When dh and I got married he earned 5 times what I earned - joining finances was hard for me - dh liked to work out the budget on a spreadsheet - he asked me how much I wanted to spend on clothes coffee etc - I found it excruciating. So we approached it differently - worked out bills, holidays, saving etc and we split the remainder. At the same time, friends of ours were going through similar difficulties but the opposite way around, and guy was the lower earner, which he found hard but everyone just got used to it and in no time it just feels normal.

ShippingNews · 07/02/2022 06:06

@Traumdeuter

Those who have only a joint account, how did you pay bills before the relationship? Did you close your individual current account after getting married?
Yes, when we decided to be together we just opened a joint account and closed our old ones. It just seemed like a natural progression from "being separate" to "being together". I've never had any regrets about it .
user1497787065 · 07/02/2022 06:51

We've been married thirty years and have always had a joint account. During that time I have worked full time, part time and not at all. We both have full access to it. We discuss any major spending in advance. I don't understand couples who are happy to share bodily fluids but not finances.

The difference I think you will find is for both of you to see money as shared and not individual. Just a cease of you both changing your mindset.

GeneLovesJezebel · 07/02/2022 06:53

When I was a SAHM I did feel bad when taking anything out for me, and I bought as little as possible.

PinchOfVom · 07/02/2022 06:59

I’ll be honest - I would never get one

Happily married for 15 years to a generous high earner who basically lets me make all the financial decisions yet I wouldn’t do it

There’s far more accountability for your own single account IMO.

Secondly: privacy
Thirdly; you don’t know when things will tits up.

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 07/02/2022 07:24

We did have one but I stopped using it. Some time later I was contacted by the bank because husband had run up an enormous unapproved overdraft and I was held responsible for paying it off because my name was still on the account.
Never, ever again 🤬

reluctantbrit · 07/02/2022 07:41

We had seperate account when we first lived together, worked ok-ish but a bit fuffing around to balance the books each quarter (no bill account).

We then moved and opened a joint account only. Best thing ever. DH earns around double what I do but we just treat it as one pot. We normally use our credit cards for day to day spending and as long as the bill is in a normal height we don't question what the other person bought.

I just ordered stuff from M&S for DD and DH just asked if I could add a pack of socks for him. Far easier than asking him to order for himself.

user1471554720 · 07/02/2022 07:48

Sunshine1235

I would not scrutinise dh's spending, but he would keep an eye on what I am spending. I am 50 and have always worked fulltime and have 2 tweens, ( I feel a bit annoyed about never having worked part time but it is another story). The ironic thing is I would spend less on coffees etc if I was going out socially for dinner, pub, days out more often.

We never spend on dinners out, drinks etc. I only go out about twice a year for dinner.with friends. The one lunch out each week and coffees are very important as we don't go for weekends away, hols etc. I organise a hol abroad for the family every 2 years and I pay for it, which I don't mind. However I would hate spending questioned especially when I have a 6 figure sum in savings and my own rental propery from before marriage. Even if I put these in as joint, it would still be the same story.

Women at work can be quite catty if you are not well groomed. Covering greys can be expensive and just looking reasonable. If we had equal spend I feel all my spends would be gone on getting my greys covered and decent haircuts As I am quite senior at work a certain level of grooming is expected. I don't like clothes shopping so go for reasonable price things that will last.

Parents were very strict when I was young and I was always a bit short of money. I would probably leave dh and give up work altogether if I had to be accountable to that extent.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 07/02/2022 07:52

We’ve always had only joint accounts, 20+ years.

We have one that everything gets paid into/comes out of and then have a set weekly amount that automatically gets transferred into the joint savings account.

It’s all just family money, always has been so I don’t know how it feels compared to separate finances.

Neither are high earners or big spenders, so we’ve never had any issues.

It will definitely feel weird at first I would think, simply because it’s different to what you’re used to.

HairyScaryMonster · 07/02/2022 08:11

We have a bills account where all money goes into, and is used for kids costs, meals out as couple, random expenses. We then transfer a sum into a personal account for 'pocket money' so the random coffees with friends, clothes, books etc. Works well.